Unlikely Companions
by Ghostaxe
Summary: Four character from various series are somehow brought together
1. Default Chapter

  
  
-+- Standard Disclaimer -+-   
  
The characters depicted in this story are not mine. Sue me and you get nada, cuz that's how much I own. Blah.   
  
-+- End of Disclaimer -+-   
  
Unlikely Companions   
  
A fiction novella by Dave Zhang (dzhang@its.caltech.edu). Comments and criticisms welcomed. Copyright 2003.  
  
  
"This text is spoken." 'This text is thought.'   
Chapter 1: The Gathering   
  
Cherry wondered if he had not missed one too many meals, or offended one too many demons as extreme pain hit his abdomen.   
  
***   
  
Yuu unwillingly started his second homework set for the night when an excruciate pain hit his stomach. Despite the fact that he often claimed something similar to happen, Yuu was not delusional, and realized when he was faking it, and when he was not. And currently, he was not. 'Damn! Knew I couldn't trust two-dollar sushi restaurants!'   
  
***   
  
One certain Ranma was sailing through air, feeling and thinking the same about Akane's cooking.   
  
***   
  
Miroku attributed his cause of his sudden stomach-ache to be Sango's violent jab right after he, ahem, tried to grow closer to the girl.   
  
***   
  
Moments later, at the base of the Cherry Hill temple, all four afore-mentioned characters suddenly materialized.   
  
Ranma, being the best martial artist of the group, recovered first. "Where on Earth am I!? I shouldn't have landed yet for another fifteen seconds or so. Who are you guys?"   
  
Miroku stood up and dusted himself off. "I am equally lost. Where is Sango? She was here moments ago."   
  
Cherry looked someone surprised for a moment before regaining his calm, and address the group.   
  
"I see you have arrived. You three have been specially chosen, and are gathered here for a purpose. You... are the chosen Companions!"   
  
As Ranma and Miroku digested the ramifications of being drawn to another world to fulfill a greater purpose, Yuu finally recovered from the shock of inter-dimensional travel, and appraised the old man. Cherry, sensing himself being observed by Yuu, stared back at Yuu. Ranma and Miroku both noticed the tension in the air, and watched the scene in suspense.   
  
Finally, Yuu decided to break the silence. "You just made that up, didn't you, old man? You also got dumped here when we did, didn't you?"   
  
"Well, not exactly par se... I mean... uh..." Cherry sweated as he racked his brain to try to come up with a convincing story as he stalled for time. Failing that, he finally admitted, "Yeah."   
  
"Argh!!!!" screamed Ranma. "You foolish old man! Don't confuse us like that!" Ranma then proceeded to pick up the old man by the neck, and punted him off into the distance. As Cherry proceeded on his aerial trajectory, he sighed, and said, "It is fate."   
  
***   
  
"Well, it sure don't look like I'm in Nerima still. You guys got any idea where we are?"   
  
Miroku, still astounded by the modern world, replied, "Definitely not in 16th century Japan's country-side, that much is for sure."   
  
"Well, there's a temple up ahead. Maybe we should walk there and ask?"   
  
The three agreed on the idea, and approached the temple. Grandpa Hino choose that moment to appear. "Ah, greetings visitors. Would..."   
  
He did not get any farther before Ranma cut in, "Ah!!! He's back already!?" Ranma dashed in and picked up Grandpa Hino and unceremoniously punted him just as he did Cherry moments ago, except harder this time.   
  
Miroku and Yuu sweated. "Um... I think that was a different guy."   
  
Ranma scratched his head in embarrassment. "Oh, it was... eh... hehe..." Ranma quickly decided he needed to change the topic. "So, who are you guys? I'm Ranma, heir to the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts! I'm the world's best martial artist!"   
  
"Is that so?" said Miroku with just a hint of disbelief. He bowed to the others and introduced himself as well. "My name is Miroku, and I am but a simple wandering priest."   
  
"I'm just a student. My name is Yuu." Yuu extended his hand to Ranma, and Ranma shook it heartily. He then extended it to Miroku. Handshaking was not a form of greeting in the sixteenth century, but Miroku correctly gathered that it was here, so likewise shook Yuu's hand uncertainly, before turning to Ranma and shaking hands with him as well.   
  
"Well, there doesn't seem to be anyone else in the temple. The guy Mr. Martial arts kicked was probably the head, and only, priest here. Let's go back onto the street and see if we can find someone to ask directions from."   
  
As the returned to the street, Ranma and Yuu stopped at the sidewalk, but Miroku, having never been in the modern world, continued walking into the middle of the street as a large SUV sped towards him.   
  
"Hey, watch out!" Ranma realized Miroku wasn't going to be able to react on time, and thus flew toward in a tackle. He succeeded in getting both himself and Miroku out of the path of the car, but the car in passing drove over a puddle, and splashed Ranma in the face.   
  
Miroku, suddenly realizing he had just been attacked, surveyed the scene for poisonous bugs, and finding none, turned to the car to released his dreaded Kazaana attack. Within milliseconds, the car came to a halt, and in another few, started speeding backwards into Miroku's palm.   
  
Ranma, realizing that Miroku's palm emitted an extremely powerful vaccum attack, and would likely engulf the car, quickly wrapped his own hand over Miroku's, and forced it closed by sheer strength. "What the hell are you doing Miroku? There's people in that car!"   
  
Miroku turned and suddenly forgot the matter of the SUV as he saw an amply-endowed Ranma-chan. He quickly grasped the girl's hand with his free hand, and got onto his knees, "Please, young vision of loveliness, won't you bear my child?"   
  
Yuu, still on the other sidewalk, had been watching the events of the past few seconds with utter disbelief. Now he walked up to Ranma-chan, licked his index finger, and then put it to Ranma's shirt sleeve.   
  
"Huh?"   
  
"Let's get you out of those wet clothes," said Yuu with a wink.   
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"   
  
***   
  
*splash*   
  
"Wow, this is so amazing!" said Yuu, at the restaurant as he alternating poured cold water and hot coffee on Ranma, with the question of where they were completely relegated to the back of the brain in light of this new spectacle.   
  
*fssst*   
  
Miroku continued questioning the aquatranssexual. "You really change completely? Including... down there?"   
  
*splash*   
  
"Yeah."   
  
*fssst*   
  
"And you say you got this from a magical spring in China?"   
  
*splash*   
  
"Yeah. I'll tell you guys the story some other time."   
  
*fssst*   
  
"Will you guys quit it already!?"   
  
*splash*   
  
"Sorry, it's just so fun, no matter how many times I do it," said Yuu.   
  
Miroku, with his hands at Ranma's chest area, groping her breasts whenever Ranma was a she, heartily nodded. "I agree! You're so pretty as a girl! Maybe you should stay like this most of the time."   
  
"HEY! I'm a guy!" Ranma looked down and realized he was currently in girl-form. "Well, not right now, but in spirit I'm always a guy, all right!? And that means..."   
  
BAM! Ranma backhanded Miroku into the nearest street sign. "NO GROPING ME!"   
  
"What about bearing my child?" asked Miroku before he fainted from the pain.   
  
***   
  
Ranma stopped and waited. Five minutes later, Miroku caught up, panting. Another ten passed before Yuu finally caught up, immediate following which he collapsed to the ground. "Hey... not all of us... are... world-class... martial artists... you know..."   
  
"Well, you guys could train with me. I can tell both of you have had some martial arts training, and high potential."   
  
Yuu rested on the ground a little more before answering. "Well, I doubt we'll be able to learn how to leap from rooftop to rooftop very soon, but that sounds good. Just give me a week to recover."   
  
"So, just what was here that caused you to leap so quickly here?" asked a very confused Miroku, who found them at an intersection nearly identical to the last one.   
  
"Er... nothing, I guess. I was just scouting."   
  
Yuu and Miroku facefaulted at having run the hardest they could for nothing in particular.   
  
Yuu stood up finally after resting another few minutes. "Well, Ranma has no money, and yours doesn't count here in modern day. I didn't know I was going to end up here, so my wallet only has about 3000 yen left. That's probably good for two or three more meals for the three of us, at best, and definitely not enough for a hotel room. So I guess that means we need to go find jobs and cheap places to stay. Ranma, you're the fastest, so why don't you go look for possible places to stay. Miroku, you and I will go look for jobs. We'll all meet back here again at five sharp, all right?"   
  
"Five sharp?"   
  
Yuu and Ranma sighed as they started explaining the basics of modern timekeeping to Miroku.   
  
***   
  
Ranma dashed off to complete his assigned task. Finding a place to stay in suburban Tokyo couldn't be *that* hard, right?   
  
First he found what he thought was an abandoned temple:   
  
Very, it was very nicely decorated and well-built for an abandoned temple, but no one was there, so he could only assume it was abandoned. He walked in, calling out "Hello" the entire time to try to find someone.   
  
'Funny. Usually abandoned temples don't have this much furniture. Maybe someone beat us here. If that's the case then maybe they'd be willing to share.'   
  
He wandered about, until he suddenly heard the sound of the television turning on behind him. He whizzed aboutface to find himself face-to-face (or perhaps face-to-chest would be more accurate in this case) with the Norn goddess of the past.   
  
Ranma quickly felt the trickle of nosebleed on his face. "Um... hello?"   
  
"Why, hello dear! What brings you here?"   
  
"Well... I'm just a.. you see... me and my friends are kinda looking for a place to stay..."   
  
Suddenly Ranma felt himself malleted to the floor from behind as he heard a resounding cry of "Ack! Bug!"   
  
"Dang, missed." Twelve-year-old Skuld walked around to face Ranma, and said, "Sorry, mister."   
  
Urd picked Ranma up, leaned forward and said sensually, "Well, now, I'm sure we can work something out, a fine-looking boy like you and a beautiful woman like me."   
  
Ranma felt more libido radiating from this woman than all of his Nerima fiancees combined, and did what any typical anime gynophobe would do--he ran out of there as fast as possible.   
  
***   
  
Miroku wandered about the city, considering what abilities he had that could possibly be useful in this brave new world. This, he had a very hard time accomplishing, not only because this was a difficult problem, but more importantly because modern fashion was a lot more risque than medieval wardrobes. Miroku found himself distracted by pretty girls in tank-tops wandering by every ten seconds.   
  
Finally, he realized he was wasting too much time like this, and remembered his original task. 'Oh yes. I'm supposed to be getting a job.' He wandered about a bit more, before deciding he should just walk into buildings and ask for jobs.   
  
'Hm... let's see. Well, any building is as good as any other. I'll try this one. Hardcore Studios, eh? Wonder what they do.'   
  
Miroku wandered in, and followed the tortuous passages until finally arriving at the main filming area. There he saw... one nude man being, ahem, serviced by two equally nude girls. Instantly he decided this was the place to be for him.   
  
A worker noticed him and asked, "Hey, you here to perform in that new movie? What's it called? You know, the Biker something or other one."   
  
Miroku, still watching the recorded scene in fascination, gave only a dumb nod without really listening to the man.   
  
"Well then, come on! I'll show you to the set." The man dragged a still-bewitched Miroku to another area of the studio.   
  
Upon leaving the first filming area, Miroku finally regain some control over his mind and motor muscles. "So, where are we headed?"   
  
"To your set, of course. That's what you're here for, right? To work?"   
  
Miroku's mind boggled. "So... you mean I'm going to be doing something like what I saw?"   
  
"Heh, something like it," said the man with a chuckle. "You sound like you're new at this. Anyway, it's pretty simple. You just do what you're told, and you'll be paid at the end of the filming."   
  
'I get to do... *that*, and I get paid as well!?' Miroku was in heaven. "It'll be great working with you!"   
  
Miroku now eagerly let himself be led to the new filming area, where a half-naked woman already was comfortably positioned prone on a bed. With curly locks of blond hair, an ample bosom held in check only but a translucent bra, and tight jeans that showed off well her long legs, the woman at least Sango's equal in looks, Miroku decided. At the thought of Sango, Miroku suddenly felt a bit guilty. After all, he knew they had deep feelings for each other--but dang it, that girl needs to loosen up more. Kinda like this pretty girl on the bed.   
  
'Well... Sango's in a completely different world; it's technically not cheating if I'm in another world, right?' Miroku reasoned. Miroku was still in this ambivalent state of mind when the stagehands were bringing out his costumes and undressing him when the girl on bed got up and turned to face Miroku.   
  
"My, you're a cutey," said the girl in a seductive, throaty voice. "Come on now, I've been waiting."   
  
In saying so, the girl unzipped her jeans and revealed 'her' true gender. Miroku's eyes bulged out before he took out running, through the nearest wall and onto the streets screaming in apprehension.   
  
Nearby, Cherry watched the scene and said in his ominous voice, "It is fate." Miroku noticed him and grabbed him along, while he continued to run from that infernal place.   
  
***   
  
Yuu decided that he probably wasn't going to get any high paying jobs right away, and headed to the nearest ice cream shop. After all, those are almost always hiring, and the job usually isn't too stressful. After all, Miki works in one, and she seemed fine with it.   
  
So, he calmly walked into the nearest ice cream store, and asked for a job.   
  
The middle-aged manager became wide-eyed, and then looked Yuu up and down for any signs of abnormality. Upon finding no obvious ones, the manager rushed up to Yuu, and began shaking hands with Yuu violently, sealing off the contract, as if to prevent Yuu from backing out.   
  
'Hm. They must be really short-handed here. Oh well. Lucky for me! I might even be able to bring some ice cream to Ranma and Miroku when I'm done tonight.'   
  
The workday began normally enough. A few couples with small children came by and bought some ice cream. Business was kind of lax, so working was actually kind of relaxing.   
  
Later on some high school girls came by for ice cream, and applied the I'm-so-cute-you-know-you-want-to-give-me-an-extra-scoop attack on Yuu, but he just smiled and resisted it. The girls left grumbling about insensitive guys eating their non-augmented ice cream orders.   
  
At that time an ugly-looking boy walked in, followed by a very beautiful girl with horns. Yuu blinked. That couldn't have been right. Yep, she does have horns. And she's floating a few inches off the ground. And she has a baby boy also with horns floating beside her. Yuu looked to the manager for an explanation, only to see the man had already ducked behind the trash can, frantically signaling to Yuu not to reveal his location.   
  
"Uh..." Yuu had a distinctly bad feeling about this. "What would you three like?"   
  
"Peh. Give me a cone with everything on it. Ignore the girl behind me."   
  
"Dar--ling!" After punishing Ataru her usual way, Lum snuggled close to the lightly-fried Ataru, and said while giving him her cutest look, "How could you be so heartless to me?"   
  
Yuu blinked. Maybe he had fallen asleep at work, and this is all a dream. Yeah, that's it! A dream...   
  
Ten flew up to Yuu and said, "Hi, I'd like a chocolate cone please!"   
  
Yuu shrugged and decided to go along with his dream. While cute girls had no effect in extorting from Yuu, the baby Ten was pretty cute despite oni horns, so Yuu gave Ten the biggest scoop of ice cream he had given out the whole day. "There you go!"   
  
Ten licked the ice cream, only to find his tongue stuck to the very well-frozen ice cream. "Issh chuu coutt..." Yuu couldn't helped but chuckle at this.   
  
His merriment quickly faded when Ten breathed out fire to melt the ice cream though. "Ah, much better!" proclaimed the baby oni.   
  
Yuu, with much of his hair and eyebrows burnt, decided he would have to reconsider the cuteness of Oni babies.   
  
At that moment a plain-looking schoolgirl entered the ice cream shop as well, and was *not* happy to see Lum embracing Ataru. Shinobu quickly picked up a stool and started bashing Ataru over the head with it, while yelling indistinguishable curses.   
  
'Hm,' thought Yuu. 'Those stools were cemented to the ground.' He decided that Ranma may have to reconsider his declaration of being the world's best martial artist in this new world.   
  
***   
  
Keitaro walked his usual way, looking down at the ground, thinking about studying and Naru, and of course the childhood promise when he suddenly bumped into someone. In doing so, he splashed the bottle of water he was carrying all over Ranma.   
  
"Ah, excuse me. I'm sorry... ah..." Keitaro stopped talking to stare.   
  
Ranma wiped herself off, saying nonchalantly, "Ah, don't worry about it. This type of stuff happens to me all the time. I must be a water-magnet or something."   
  
Upon seeing Keitaro's shirt saying "Inn Manager," Ranma took a sudden interest in this scrawny boy. "Hey! You're an inn manager! You got any rooms open still? Me and my two friends are looking for a place to stay."   
  
"Ah..." mumbled Keitaro, still stunned by Ranma-chan's looks, before he finally snapped out of his daze to parse Ranma's question. "Yeah! Yeah we do!" A extra tenant meant extra money to make repairs with. Three, and the inn treasury might actually be in the black for once! And this girl didn't look like she would cause much damage to the inn. Yep, this was a great opportunity! "Why don't you follow me, and I'll lead you to our inn."   
  
As the duo walked to the Hina Inn, Keitaro told Ranma about the hot springs, which of course made Ranma more excite because of easy access to hot water.   
  
"Oh yeah, I must also tell you that this single-sex..."   
  
"Oh that's fine!" said Ranma. "Now, which way to the hot springs?"   
  
Fifteen minutes of soaking naked in the springs and one encounter with an angry naked female kendoist later, Ranma ran away again.   
  
***   
  
After the horror that was the Hardcore Studio, Miroku and Cherry next tried to find a job at Steve's Bar. Steve, the manager, being extremely short-handed, didn't care that Miroku didn't have much experience mixing drinks.   
  
"Just give the customers something. Usually they're too drunk to care it actually was. If they do, then they'll give you instructions."   
  
Miroku's first patron just wanted beer.   
  
"What?" asked a genuinely confused Miroku.   
  
"Beer. You know, just pour me a glass out of that tap right there."   
  
"Oh." Miroku complied, and was tipped.   
  
Moments later, a different patron asked for a screwdriver. Miroku, not knowing that the establishment served anything other than beer, proceeded to pour the guy a glass of beer. The guy drank it, and realized after drinking the last drop that it wasn't a screwdriver.   
  
"Hey... That's not a screwdriver. Screwdriver is orange juice and vodka..."   
  
Miroku shrugged and found the proper ingredients and made the guy a very badly mixed screwdriver. Fortunately the patron was too drunk too notice.   
  
This continued, and all was well until a sober patron came in demanding a blowjob.   
  
"A what?" asked Miroku.   
  
"A friggin' blowjob, fool! You know, get on your knees and..." The shocked customer stopped talking as Miroku actually complied and was in a kneeling position.   
  
"What do I do from here?"   
  
The patron bolted out the door.   
  
"You are very unlucky," said the shriveled priest to Miroku.   
  
***   
  
At 5pm, an upset and slightly crispy Yuu walked back to the street intersection where he was supposed to meet the others. Only to see Ranma, Miroku and Cherry being at that moment dragged off by the local police. And he thought the day couldn't get any worse.   
  
--End Chapter 1--   
  
// OK, that was pretty random and non-continuous. I'll probably start weaving a real plot in the next chapter. // Yes, this was partly inspired by "Great Crossover Crisis." I didn't like how all of them were Ranma and all of them were overpowered to the point of lacking any real challenge though. 


	2. My Sassy Sailor Scout

  
  
-+- Standard Disclaimer -+-   
  
The characters depicted in this story are not mine. Sue me and you get nada, cuz that's how much I own. Blah.   
  
-+- End of Disclaimer -+-   
  
Unlikely Companions   
  
A fiction novella by Dave Zhang (dzhang@its.caltech.edu). Comments and criticisms welcomed. Copyright 2003.  
  
  
"This text is spoken." 'This text is thought.'   
Chapter 2: My Sassy Sailor Scout   
  
"So let's hear it. What did you guys do?" asked a mildly irritated Yuu. "That's the least you could do considering I spent the last of my money and all of today's earnings bailing you guys out."   
  
Ranma pointed vindictively at Miroku. "Hey! Don't look at me! I didn't do nothing. It's all Mr. Medieval Monk's fault. I get back and find him starting a fire on the sidewalk, preparing to cook some guy's pet dog that he killed with that holy staff of his."   
  
Miroku tittered sheepishly. "Hehe. Back where I came from, anything that isn't human, and isn't penned up is fair game. Was just going to surprise you guys with a good meal, that's all."   
  
At the mention of food, all four companions' stomachs chose that moment to simultaneously growl.   
  
"Aw, nuts! I'm so hungry. Man, Kasumi's cooking or Ucchan's okonomiyaki would sure hit the spot right now."   
  
Cherry agreed. "We are very unlucky. And hungry."   
  
After a moment's consideration, Cherry asked, "What about the temple where we first appeared? Miroku and I are priests, they should welcome us and give us a meal and a night's lodging."   
  
"Ah..." said Ranma. "I kinda thought the head priest was you and kicked him and... Wait! That's it! Ranma kicked him, but Ran-Ko didn't!" Ranma joyous ran to the nearest puddle and shoved his face in it, converting into a girl.   
  
Hunger was instantly forgotten for Miroku as he appeared an instant later by Ranma-chan, feeling her up.   
  
"Mi...ro...ku!!!"   
  
The group headed to the Hino temple after Miroku recovered from his head concussions. Miroku being Miroku, he recovered in two and a half minutes.   
  
Grandpa Hino welcomed the travellers, though he did feel a bit uneasy about Ranma. Some of his residual Shinto priest skills tipped off his subconscious that Ranma-chan was the same as the boy who kicked him halfway across town earlier, but this was quickly forgotten in light of Ranma-chan's looks.   
  
"Ah, it is good to meet my fellow priests. You are indeed welcome to stay for the night, as are your friends. I will have my grand-daughter prepare food for you immediately," said Hino to Miroku and Cherry as they bowed to each other. Hino was all the while staring at Ranma-chan. Miroku, for his part, did not notice since his eyes were on the same. Cherry muttered under his breath, "They are both very unlucky."   
  
"Now, where is that girl Rei? She should have been back hours ago!"   
  
"Ah, don't worry about it," said Ranma-chan. "Just point me to the kitchen and I'll cook us up a meal."   
  
Grandpa Hino pointed, and then he and Miroku blindly followed Ranma-chan there.   
  
Moments later, he and Miroku were forcibly ejected from the kitchen, courtesy of the Ranko Backhand.   
  
"My," said Grandpa Hino as he picked himself up from the ground. "She reminds me a lot of the teenage boy who kicked me into Hardcore Studios earlier today."   
  
Ranma-chan and Miroku both blanched.   
  
***   
  
Rei, for her part, was currently busy battling the latest Negaverse creation, El Quehal.   
  
Rei jumped, barely dodging the monster's dreaded Ethyl Attack. She landed on her feet, but the effects of the battle were gnawing and her, and he quickly lost her balance and landed on her rear.   
  
Ami, in her Sailor Mercury form, casted a Aqua Shine Illusion. Moments later, the entire street was enclosed in an ethereal bubble. Too bad she pointed the wrong way, and hit a completely deserted street, instead of the one with El Quehal in it.   
  
El Quehal, a monstrous entity of sloshing liquid with gigantic bottles for arms, was winning the battle. His attacks were too powerful, and rendered the Scouts completely confused. Now, all he needed to do was get rid of them.   
  
At that point, Tuxedo Mask appeared, and threw a steel rose at El Quehal--only to have the rose pass straight through the liquid monster. It did, however, catch the monsters attention, and it retaliated with a Hydroxy Splash, which hit Tuxedo Mask straight in the face.   
  
"Hey... that tastes pretty good," commented Mamoru, licking his lips as he fell from the building he was standing on. "Tequila Sunrise, right?"   
  
His curiosity was sated when his consciousness was abruptly ended by impact with the ground.   
  
Usagi realized her friends were being hurt, and gather all of her remaining willpower to open her eyes again. Grabbing her rod, she screamed out, "Moon princess halation!"   
  
Her target promptly dropped to the ground. Unfortunately, in her drunken stupor Usagi had targetted Makoto.   
  
El Quehal laughed heartily at his opponent's foolishness. "THIS IS TOO EASY!" He quickly hit Usagi with another powerful Hydroxy Splash, which pushed an even more drunken Usagi into the wall.   
  
"NOW, TO TAKE THAT LITTLE TOY OF YOURS!" boomed El Quehal's deranged voice as he approached the Moon Princess. Usagi, now on the verge of passing out, idly flailed her arms about, moaning, "Oh mom, let me sleep some more."   
  
Fortunately for her and the Sailor Scouts, she was still holding her cutie moon rod as she did so, and so she inadvertently hit one of El Quehal's bottle arms, breaking it.   
  
"NO!!!!" screamed out El Quehal as his life-blood... er, alcohol... was quickly drained out the glass opening and hosed onto the streets.   
  
In another minute, all that remained from the battle scene were two broken beer bottles, a street flooded in booze, one knocked out Makoto, and four very drunk Inner Senshi.   
  
"Eh..." said the newspaper camera-man to his assistant. "Let's not post this story tomorrow, OK?"   
  
***   
  
After eating a hearty meal prepared by Ranma-chan (Yuu had to admit that she was a much better cook than he expected), Yuu sat around the temple and traded life stories with his fellow travellers before they all agreed to get some rest before continuing their adventure tomorrow.   
  
Yuu, however, could not sleep. Maybe it was the fact that he wouldn't be able to see Miki again in who knows how long. Maybe he was still traumatized by the fact that Miki is his sister. Maybe it was the fact that his companions' stories weirded him out a bit. Maybe it was the fact that the head priest's grand-daughter was still missing. Maybe it was a combination of all of the above. But more likely, it was because Ranma's damn snoring kept him up. Miroku and Cherry didn't seem to notice, but to Yuu it was unbearable. He got up, and trekked to the lawn, intent on sleeping under the stars, but then once he was up he couldn't sleep again.   
  
Yuu checked his wallet. 130 yen left. Very close to nothing, but it should be enough for a round-trip fare on a subway. Maybe he'll explore this new world he was thrusted in, and maybe admire the architecture or something.   
  
**   
  
Yuu was decently happy. Having toured the strange city, he decided it was close enough to normal that he just might be able to do all right in it. Architecture was pretty similar too. Maybe if he was stuck here his whole life, he could still be an architect. Maybe... if he continued thinking only about architecture, he could eventually one day learn to forget Miki.   
  
Yuu was on the subway train on his return trip as he deliberated for the seventeenth time, the ramifications of living in a world without his step-sister girlfriend.   
  
'No, this doesn't do. I have to try to forget! Thinking of her will only cause more pain.' Yuu's eyes scanned the subway train, hoping for something amusing to latch his active mind onto. He settled on watching a very drunk girl in a school uniform. She tottered back and forth, keeping upright only by her arm that grasped the rail bars.   
  
At that moment, a new flood of passengers got onto the train. An old man took his place to stand beside the drunk girl.   
  
"Hey." The drunk girl addressed a teenage boy sitting beside her. The boy was reading a manga, and did not realize she was talking to him.   
  
"Hey!" That got his attention. He looked up at the girl inquisitively, wondering what the drunk girl wanted.   
  
"Get up!" The boy sported a confused look at this request, before smiling good-naturedly and returning to his manga.   
  
"GET UP!" yelled the girl as she fiercely smacked him on the head. "Don't you have respect for your elders? Offer your seat to this old man, NOW!"   
  
The boy decided the luxury of sitting wasn't worth the pain of additional attacks by the girl, so he complied. The old man offered his thanks to the drunk girl before taking the vacated seat. The girl smiled at the man before closing her eyes and returning to swaying on the railing.   
  
"" Yuu continued to watch the girl in disgusted fascination. Her hiccuping accelerated, and Yuu could tell she was going to be displaying her lunch soon.   
  
'Yep. There it went.' The girl puked all over the old man's head. The old man removed his hairpiece, very agitated, wondering how he was possibly to clean it, when the girl puked again onto his bald head.   
  
It was all Yuu could do to not break out laughing. The girl looked around, and seeing Yuu, reached forward for him, saying "Mamo-chan..." before collapsing into subconsciousness.   
  
"You!"   
  
"Uh, me?" said Yuu.   
  
"Do something about this!" demanded the irate old man gesturing to his soiled hairpiece and head.   
  
"Ha," Yuu chuckled, "I'm sorry, there's been a mistake."   
  
"Clean it! Now!"   
  
Yuu shrugged. Oh well. He removed the sweater he was wearing, and wiped the old man's head with it, spill some of the girl's lunch onto the old man's lap. He then wiped the toupee with another portion of his sweater, before finally putting it back onto the old man.   
  
"Argh!" shouted the old man in frustration. "Go take care of your girlfriend!"   
  
"Oh, she's not my..."   
  
"She called you Mamo-chan before she passed out! Don't deny it! Go take care of her you useless boy!"   
  
Yuu sighed as he dragged the slumbering form of the girl out of the subway train.   
  
'Well, there's no way I'm going to try to explain this to my companions, or the priest. Better head off somewhere else.'   
  
At that moment, the girl woke up briefly to puke on Yuu before passing out again. Yuu sighed again. He quickly ruffled through the girl's purse, and found a decent stash of money. 'Ah, good. I can just drop her off at a motel or something then.'   
  
Deciding he was soiled enough as it was already, Yuu gathered the girl onto his back, and carried her to the nearest motel.   
  
After paying for a room, he dragged her up four flights of stairs to the room on the fifth floor, and dumped her onto the bed.   
  
'Well then, I should leave now.'   
  
The girl's cell phone rang. Yuu, not really thinking, picked it up and answered.   
  
"Hello?"   
  
  
  
"Ah, her? She's sleeping right next to me."   
  
  
  
"We're in the Fuji Love Motel on Sixth Street. Say, who are..."   
  
The phone line clicked, and the dial tone quickly followed. The woman on the other side had hung up.   
  
Yuu shrugged. Weird.   
  
Yuu felt and smelled very bad right now with the girl's gastric juices all over him, and decided he would take a shower before leaving.   
  
In the middle of his shower, he heard someone knocking on the door. Since he was in the middle of the shower, he decided to ignore it. The knocking became louder and more frequent. Finally Yuu decided he'd finish his shower later. Quickly draping himself in a towel, he opened the door to three female police officers.   
  
One quickly noticed the drunk girl on the bed, and Yuu's less-than-formal attire, and said, "Freeze! Hands in the air!"   
  
Yuu quickly complied, and noticed immediately after that with nothing to support his towel, it had dropped to the floor, leaving him and his little friend in plain view of the female officer. He quickly moved his hands to cover his nether regions.   
  
For which he got tear-gassed.   
  
***   
  
"Oh, come on, officers. This is all one big misunderstanding," pleaded Yuu.   
  
"Yeah, yeah, that's what they all say." The officer led Yuu around the corner to his cell.   
  
Yuu took one look at his cell-mates and started pleading harder. "Oh please, anywhere but there! Come on, I'm innocent here! Don't do this to me!"   
  
The officer unceremoniously threw him into the cell before locking it and leaving.   
  
"Ah..." Yuu found himself face-to-face with six men in their twenties, all sporting black eyes or bleeding knuckles or bandaged wounds. Yuu decided he would have to study martial arts with Ranma ASAP.   
  
"So you say you're innocent, eh?" The leader cracked his knuckles. "You hinting we're not!?"   
  
***   
  
Around noon the next day, the police officers released a very bruised and battered Yuu from his cell. Yuu sighed as he was leaving the police station. Spotting a jar of gum, he reached in a took one. It hurt his mouth to chew. Damn, and all because of some drunk girl.   
  
He stopped walking suddenly in surprise. The drunk girl was now in front of him, very sober.   
  
"You're the guy that was with me last night?"   
  
"Ye..." Yuu did not have a chance to go any farther before he was slapped fiercely by the girl.   
  
"Why did you hit me? I didn't do anything to you."   
  
"And who's to say you wouldn't have if the police didn't show up when they did!?" She breathed in and out several times, recollecting herself. "Fine. Follow me. You can tell me about what happened last night."   
  
Yuu smiled. "All right. Friends?" He extended his hand forming half a handshake.   
  
She eyed him uneasily. 'Well, he doesn't seem ill-intentioned.' She finally also extended hers to complete the handshake. She shook hands with him, and then retracted her own.   
  
It was then she noticed a weird feeling on her right palm. Bringing it up to her face, she noticed a blob of something on it. It took her a second before she realized it for what it was... used gum. "You!!!"   
  
"Baka!" shouted Yuu merrily as he pinched her nose, before he took off running.   
  
***   
  
Rei and Yuu sat down at their table in the restaurant, with Yuu sporting one more bruise than he had that morning. The waiter walked by and asked them what they would like to drink.   
  
"Hot tea for me, please," said Yuu.   
  
Rei shot him a dirty look. "Don't drink that! Drink Coke." She looked at the waiter. "A Coke for me." She then looked over to Yuu, daring him to disagree, "and a Coke for him too."   
  
Not that Rei really had any aversion to tea, or any special favoritism towards Coke, but she was still upset at Yuu for sticking used gum into her hand, despite that she gave him a good punch to the solar plexus in return. She was determined to make this meal with Yuu as uncomfortable for Yuu as possible.   
  
Yuu smiled, "All right, a Coke for me too then."   
  
"I want fugu. You can order anything you want as long as it doesn't have asparagus on it."   
  
"The Honshu Burger please."   
  
The waiter nodded, and headed off to fill their orders.   
  
"So tell me. What happened last night? Don't you dare lie, or there's more where that haymaker came from!"   
  
"The truth was amusing enough; don't think I'll have to embellish it," said Yuu with a laugh. He then proceeded to tell the events of the last night in complete accuracy.   
  
'Ah, right. That stupid El Quehal monster made us drunk. Hm, that reminds me, I should check up on how the others are doing.'   
  
Rei suddenly got up and left for the ladies' room, to talk to her friends via her communicator. Rei didn't bother to leave an apology or excuse to Yuu, who was in mid-sentence.   
  
"Ah, Rei, it's a good thing we found you. We were starting to get worried after my mother called your cell phone and some strange guy picked up." said her blue-haired friend Ami.   
  
"Ah, it's ok. It was just some prankster who got a hold of my cell. I gave a good piece of my mind already though. How's everyone else?"   
  
"We're all doing fine, except Makoto who's still a bit hurt from Usagi's attack. She's be fine in a couple... oh no! Monster attack!"   
  
Rei didn't have to be told twice. She bolted out the restroom and out of the restaurant, towards the coordinates displayed on her communicator.   
  
Yuu, watched, stunned and concerned at what could have possibly caused Rei to become so agitated. At that point, the waiter walked by to Yuu's table, delivering their drinks, the expensive blowfish dish, and his burger. And Yuu remembered that he *still* didn't have any money.   
  
"Um," said Yuu a bit sheepishly. "I happen to be a bit short on funds, and it seems my companion had a sudden emergency..."   
  
***   
  
Rei met the other Senshi at the noted location and transformed into Sailor Mars. And then they battled against El Quehal 2, the same liquidy monster, except with steel bottles for arms this time. Again, the battle waged for hours, until all the Senshi plus Tuxedo Mask became completely intoxicated, and were about to lose the battle, when Usagi accidentally bumped into a fire hydrant as she wandered about aimlessly. With her Sailor-boosted strength, she destroyed the fire hydrant, and thus El Quehal 2 was defeated by dilution. Then Senshi de-transformed and parted ways.   
  
Rei was trying to stumble to the subway station as she literally ran into Yuu, who finally finished his eight hours of dishwashing to pay for the meal.   
  
Yuu, for his part, was about to head off into the horizon running away from this bearer of bad luck when he heard "Chad..." and the sound of Rei collapsing to the floor.   
  
Yuu sighed. Sometimes he really hated being a good guy.   
  
***   
  
Rei woke up the next day in Room 503 of the Fuji Love Motel. The previous day she had awoken in the the emergency room of the local hospital.   
  
'Well, I'm not profusely bleeding, so it looks like whoever found me yesterday was a gentleman. Peh, much better than the guy two nights ago, at least.' Rei still didn't really buy Yuu's story. The version the police gave her left her with too much doubt of Yuu's intentions.   
  
She noticed a letter on the desk beside her, and began reading it.   
  
"Hello Rei,"   
  
'How does this person know my name?' Rei wondered. She kept reading.   
  
"I learned from the previous day's lesson, so I left before answering your cell. The police station is a fine establishment but I have no desire to visit it again so soon. And oh yeah, next time you decide to order something really expensive without paying for it, let the other guy know, OK? On the desk is your blowfish dish, which I worked 5 hours washing dishes to pay off."   
  
'Hmph! So it was that guy, Yuu, again.' A trace of guilt filled Rei though. She *had* intended on extorting a free blowfish meal, but she didn't expect Yuu to have to wash dishes for it.   
  
"Take care, don't drink so much next time, and I really hope I don't see you again. --Yuu"   
  
Rei sighed with a feeling of sadness, as she realized Yuu's earlier story was probably completely truthful. 'Yeah, I have actually been pretty much a bad luck charm to him. If I ever see him again I should apologize to him.'   
  
Rei turned to the boxed meal, and opened it. It was in fact the blowfish dish as Yuu stated in the letter, with a side of rice. Rei tore into it. It was cold, but it was still fugu, and fugu could never taste bad to Rei. After chomping down half of the fish filet, Rice dug into the rice, until she noticed a crispy thin thing in her rice, something that tasted like...   
  
"Paper?" Rei wondered aloud. She gently took out the strip of paper. Despite the fact that she had chewed most of the paper to shreds already, she could easily make out the two kanji words on the strip.   
  
Baka!   
  
Rei pounded the table in anger and swore obscenities not befitting of a Sailor Scout, before giggling a bit, and returning to her meal. Now she *really* wanted to find this Yuu again.   
  
--End Chapter 2--   
  
// In case anyone couldn't figure it out, this chapter was based heavily on My Sassy Girl. After all, Rei is a close to a Mustard Girl as anyone can get, and only someone like Yuu could fill the role of Kyun-woo. // I thought this was the best place to rip Yuu out of his story. Much as he loved Miki, it was obvious he was *very* uncomfortable dating his sister. Ripping him at that point, of course, enables him to pursue his new Mustard Girl. Not that I don't like Miki. Miki's is one of my fave female characters, right up there with Asuka and Huang Rong. But I decided this would be an all-guy expedition. Maybe I'll write a female version at some point as well. 


	3. Wherefore art Thou Hentai?

  
  
-+- Standard Disclaimer -+-   
  
The characters depicted in this story are not mine. Sue me and you get nada, cuz that's how much I own. Blah.   
  
-+- End of Disclaimer -+-   
  
Unlikely Companions   
  
A fiction novella by Dave Zhang (dzhang@its.caltech.edu). Comments and criticisms welcomed. Copyright 2003.  
  
  
"This text is spoken." 'This text is thought.'   
Chapter 3: Wherefore Art Thou Hentai?   
  
Ranma-chan and Miroku woke up the morning after Rei battled the first El Quehal, wondering where Yuu was. Not finding him anywhere in the temple, they wanted to go out and look for him. After all, Yuu seemed to view them as friends, otherwise he wouldn't have spent the last of his money bailing them out of jail. Ranma-chan then remembered that Yuu was the only one of the group who actually succeeded in finding a job the previous day, and thought maybe he left for work already.   
  
Miroku, on the other hand, was worried that Yuu was in trouble, and wanted to go search for him. After all, Yuu was the only one of the group who didn't really have any defense against monsters and such.   
  
Grandpa Hino, however, stubbornly refused. "No, Miroku! You are what, 16? You have to go to school then!" 'After all, if you're going to marry Rei you should at least have a decent education.' Grandpa Hino decided Miroku looked decent enough, and possessed enough knowledge of the Shinto ways to be a good match for his grand-daughter.   
  
"As for you, Ranko, you should feel free to stay here with me and let me teach you the Shinto ways," said Grandpa Hino to Ranma-chan with a leer.   
  
"Ah, heh heh... I think I'll take my chances with the school bit." Normally one would never expect to hear Ranma-chan say this, but in the choice between a day of boredom versus a day of constantly fighting off this world's (thankfully less powerful) version of Happosai, Ranma-chan decided on the former.   
  
"School?" asked Miroku. "What is that?"   
  
"School's like a place where ya supposed to learn or something, but most of us just sleep through it."   
  
"I see," said Miroku solemnly. "It is like temple training."   
  
"Ah, kinda like that I guess. Say, where is the school where's supposed to be going to anyway?"   
  
Grandpa Hino gave them directions to Juuban High, following which Ranma-chan dashed off, dragging along Miroku. "Ah, I wonder where Rei is. She didn't come home last night." He then stared at Cherry wordlessly for several minutes. "Bet I can summon a bigger demon than you can!"   
  
"You're on!"   
  
***   
  
Ranma-chan and Miroku ambled to the school, with Ranma-chan walking on the street for once, since she didn't particularly want to draw attention to herself. Well, any more than she already was, anyway, with nearly the entire male population of Juuban High ogling her.   
  
Miroku, for his part, was absolutely delighted to see so many teenage girls gathered in one place. 'Sure beats my temple training.'   
  
Now, Miroku's actually decent-looking, despite his sixteenth century attire. And because of that, he was receiving more than the fair share of attention from the local girls, though not quite as much as Ranma-chan from the boys. Miroku eagerly returned looks of interest, since he had already been--convinced--by Ranma that his female half was not up for dating, or bearing children. Oh well. With so many girls gathered here like this, at least one *had* to be willing to bear his child, right?   
  
One particular Juuban High schoolgirl with long blonde hair decided, from only seeing him from far away, that she had fallen in love at first sight with Miroku.   
  
Makoto paused in mid-sentence when she realized her friend wasn't listening to her, and quickly found the source of distraction. "Hey, he looks just like my..."   
  
"Mine!" Minako firmly declared. "I saw him first!"   
  
"Actually, I'm sure a lot of our classmates saw him before you did..." Ami stopped talking when she noticed Minako giving her a death-glare.   
  
"These mere peasants cannot keep a princess such as myself from her chosen corsort!" General feelings of discomfort pervaded the rest of the Inner Senshi standing beside her (except Rei, of course, who was still sleeping in the local hospital). Elsewhere, in another dimension, Kuno suddenly shuddered.   
  
Makoto, upset at having let Minako call dibs on the new boy, decided to tease Minako a bit. "Well, that new girl he's walking in with sure seems to know him pretty well, eh?"   
  
Makoto debated whether that was the wrong choice of words as she coughed in the dust trails left behind by an incited Minako as she darted towards the duo.   
  
***   
  
'Ugh,' thought Ranma-chan. Because he didn't want to reveal his male identity to his priest host, he had to attend school as a girl as well, and of course that meant lots of boys staring at her. 'Oh well, guess it can't be helped. At least there's no Kuno saying...'   
  
"Vile witch!" declared Minako, pointing a pencil at Ranma-chan. "How dare you try to ensnare a prince among men!"   
  
"Huh?" Ranma-chan looked to Miroku, and then understood. He felt a very unwelcome gust of nostalgia. He had found the counterparts of two people he knew from his world, and it was his luck they just had to be Happosai and Kodachi.   
  
"Um... Mina-chan is starting to get a wee bit desperate, isn't she?" The others nodded sagely. If even Usagi notices something, then it must be blatantly obvious to the rest of the world.   
  
Miroku immediately dashed to Minako's side, "Don't worry! I'm all yours!"   
  
Minako was very pleasantly surprised to hear that, after all she was not so delusional as to actually believe her figure was better than Ranma-chan's. 'Maybe they're cousins or somethings. Mako-chan was so wrong!' Minako giggled as she wrapped an arm around Miroku as she led him into the school.   
  
"Come on, ah...?"   
  
"Miroku," said Miroku with a bow. "And you? What might your name be, pretty girl?"   
  
"I'm Minako! But *you* can call me Mina-chan! You're new to this school right? Come on, I'll take you to the office to get your paperwork done and then I'll introduce you to my friends!"   
  
"Sounds good! Would you happen to be willing to bear my child?"   
  
Minako blinked. That sounded like a proposal from the cute new boy. He must obviously also believe in love at first sight, and had fallen madly in love for her! Minako ecstatically chattered away.   
  
Ami, Makoto, and Usagi approached the new girl. While it looked like she wouldn't be lacking attention from the fouler sex of Juuban High, she looked like she could use friends who weren't trying to get into her pants. That, and they felt guilty for Mina-chan kidnapping her companion.   
  
"Hi, I'm Ami. These are my friends, Usagi and Makoto. What's your name?"   
  
Ranma-chan was snapped out of his reverie of contemplating why this world also had so many desperate females when he noticed himself being talked to.   
  
"Akan..." Ranma-chan blinked and continued dumbly staring at Ami. 'No, this isn't Akane. Her hair is lighter, and she's smiling! Akane smiles about as often as werewolves juggle silverware. Though she sure is cute when she does smile. Almost as cute as this girl's smile...'   
  
Usagi fiercely waved her hand about three inches in front of Ranma-chan's eyes, trying to grab her attention. "Wah! The new girl has gone stupid!"   
  
"Hey! I ain't stupid!" That was enough to bring Ranma-chan back to reality. "Ah, sorry 'bout that. I'm Ranko. Ami, you look lots like a friend of mine."   
  
"Well, we'd love to be friends with you, Ranko."   
  
Usagi bobbed her head up and down vigorously in affirmation. "Yeah! We can go after school to the Crown Arcade together and then we can all have some ice cream and then you can meet my boyfriend Mamo-chan and yeah we'll have lots of fun!"   
  
Ranma-chan blinked. "Say, Usagi? You ever write a long history report with a single run-on sentence?"   
  
Ami giggled. "She would if she ever remembered to do them."   
  
***   
  
Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, for Minako, the homeroom teacher was not accomodating to her requests to have Miroku sit next to her, and Miroku got relegated to a seat in the middle of a group of boys. Ranma-chan, however, was assigned sit next to her and the rest of the Sailor Senshi.   
  
After giving Miroku one last forlorn look as if from a lover separated, Minako finally turned to Ranma-chan.   
  
Ami introduced them, "Mina-chan, this is Ranko; Ranko-chan this is Minako."   
  
Mina-chan released another lovesick sigh before cheerily asking Ranma-chan, "So, how are you and Miroku related? Brother and sister? Cousins?"   
  
"Na, we're just friends."   
  
"Oh? How did you guys meet?"   
  
Ranma-chan scratched her head, as she looked down at her desk, wondering what the best way to describe how he met Miroku is, without being labeled insane. "Ah, who remembers? We go way back."   
  
Ranma-chan suddenly noticed a vein throbbing on Minako's forehead.   
  
"Childhood friends, eh?" said the blonde, radiating a distinctively hostile aura. 'Wait, I shouldn't be doing this,' Mina-chan thought. She quickly banished her hostility and smiled affectedly at Ranma-chan, "Great! It's good to meet my new boyfriend's childhood friend."   
  
"Ah?" said Ranma-chan eloquently. Then, Ranma-chan laughed merrily as he realized that with Minako hovering around Miroku, his female half will be free from Miroku's advances. "Great! I'm genuinely happy for you guys!"   
  
"Oh?" Minako looked blankly at Ranma-chan. 'It couldn't have been that easy, could it? Ranko really wasn't interested in a hunk like Miroku at all?' Then she noticed Ranma-chan stealing another glance at Ami. "Ohhhhh!" said Minako out loud with a wide smile, greatly relieved.   
  
At that moment, the teacher quieted the class, and spoke, "Class, today we have two new students." Turning to Miroku and Ranma-chan, he said, "Yuu and Ranko, please stand up and introduce yourselves."   
  
"Na, that's Miroku," said Ranma-chan. "Yuu's ah... sick today. Yeah! That's it. He'll be coming when he get better. I'm Ranko Saotome, heir to the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts! I'm the best! Me and my pop have been training for ten years. That's about it, I guess."   
  
"Greeting, fellow students," said Miroku. "I am Miroku, and for most of my life I have been a wandering priest. I am glad to meet you all." Miroku flashed the girls of the class a charming smile, which earned him appreciative looks from most of the female students, and an icy stare from Minako.   
  
'Heh,' thought Ranma. 'This is great! Someone is taking my place for fiancee magnet! Now I wonder if I can transpose my water-magnet curse onto Cherry or something.'   
  
***   
  
Cherry looked at the looming ten-foot tall figure of the barbazu, complete with its whip-like tail and wiry beard. The shock-troop of Hell looked at the two, wondering how it was ever going to distinguish which was the one who summoned it.   
  
"Impressive," said Cherry. "My turn, right?"   
  
He waved around his arms a bit, chanting something or other, and some charms that he threw into the air caught fire. As they burned, a portal to the ice-planes opened, and a large twelve-foot large insectoid demon was dragged by an invisible force out of its plane of existence into the SM universe. When the charms finished burning, the portal closed.   
  
The gelugon quickly tore the barbazu to shreds with its gigantic mouth-pincers and its enormous claws. With that out of the way, it observed the two dimunitive priests, and wondered which one was its master.   
  
Grandpa Hino shivered under the icy breath of the gelugon, and said to his competitor, "Haven't seen one of those in a while. My turn now, right?"   
  
***   
  
"Ok, class. We'll end the history class here. Have fun at lunch."   
  
Ranma-chan instinctly awoke when he heard the word lunch. 'Great! Something fun at last!' And then he remembered that there was no Ukyo or Shampoo in this world to offer him free meals.   
  
"Ranko-chan, why don't you join us for lunch?"   
  
"Sure, Ami-chan!" Ranma-chan paused. 'Wait, did that really come out like I thought it did?'   
  
Minako, observing the two, raised an eyebrow, before suddenly remembering it's lunchtime, which meant private time for her and Miroku. "Miroku-honey!!!" shouted Minako as she bolted to him.   
  
"So that's how it turned out." Miroku, on the other hand, had been listening intently to the teacher, since the topic of the day's lesson concerned his own time period. Not that he found every class as interesting as the last one. After all, he decided he definitely didn't need to know a weird new language called 'Engrish.'   
  
"Come on, Miroku, let's have lunch together alone by the tree!" Minako proceeded to wrap an arm around Miroku's back to guide him alone, and also to ward away other girls. In doing so, parts of her body pressed up against Miroku's chest.   
  
Grinning like a fool, Miroku was more than happy to oblige.   
  
"I'll have to introduce that guy to Shampoo if we ever get to my homeworld," mused Ranma aloud.   
  
"Shampoo?" asked Usagi. "Miroku's hair looks okay to me but of course it's not as nice as Mamo-chan's because no boy can ever compare to Mamo-chan because he's just so cute and nice and best of all he's my boyfriend!"   
  
"Homeworld?" asked Makoto. "Sounds like something from a science fiction novel."   
  
"Ah... I meant home is so far away it seems like a different world."   
  
"Where is your home anyway?"   
  
"Ah... it's really far away."   
  
Ami would tell Ranma didn't really want to talk about it, so she oliged him by changing topics. "Say, where's your lunch?"   
  
"I kinda forgot to bring it."   
  
"You can have half of mine," said Makoto, smiling. "I always pack a big lunch."   
  
"Wah!!! But what will I eat then, Mako-chan?"   
  
Ranma-chan joined Ami and Makoto in pointing to Usagi's bag lunch.   
  
"But but but... it's not enough!"   
  
"Ranko didn't bring anything though," said Ami. "You don't want our new friend to go hungry, do you Usagi-chan?"   
  
"Gr... fine." Usagi knew it was the right thing to do. And as the leader of the Senshi, she absolutely had to be a good role-model and put others' happiness in front of her own. And so she will. But she didn't have to be happy about it! "We're definitely stopping by for ice cream after school though!"   
  
***   
  
Miroku was frustrated: the pretty blonde was foiling his every attempt to feel her up. His hand closest to her, she had grasped with her own like an iron clamp, absolutely refusing to let go for even a single moment. Of course, that alone would not have stopped Miroku. But when he reached around with his other arm to try to touch her chest area, Minako dove under his arm and into his embrace, so that Miroku was left stroking her hair.   
  
Finally, Miroku had enough, and instead of waiting for her to dash into his arms, he took initiative and dove into her arms. Hey, that way at least his head would be cradled by her bosom, and he just might be able to sneak his other hand in too...   
  
Unfortunately, Minako also chose that moment to try to embrace him again, so what ended up happening was the two bumping heads rathering brusquely. Basic laws of momentum state that when two object collide into each other with equal speed, the more massive one wins. And thus Miroku landed on the floor on top of an unconscious Minako, with his hands on her assets.   
  
Miroku quickly got up and shirked his hands away. This was not missed by Ranma-chan, even though she hadn't been paying too much attention. 'Hm. Miroku's actually honorable enough not to take advantage of unconscious girls,' thought Ranma with some relief.   
  
***   
  
"Um... Ami-chan?"   
  
"Yes, Mako-chan?" Ami couldn't understand why Makoto had dragged her off into a corner to talk to her.   
  
"Don't you think Ranko's, um... a little close to you?"   
  
"Well, we're her only friends here in this new school. What's wrong with her wanting to be good friends with us?"   
  
Makoto considered what the best way to say this to her friend is. "What I'm saying is that... isn't it odd how she hasn't really talked to Miroku at all despite them being really old friends?"   
  
"Well, I think that's mainly Mina-chan's fault."   
  
'Ami has an IQ of how much, and she doesn't understand what I'm hinting at!?' Makoto decided to try one last time. "All I'm saying is that I think Ranko seems to like girls a lot more than boys... and you in particular. She may be a lot like Haruka."   
  
"What do you..." Ami's voice trailed off as she finally understand what her friend means. "Ohh..." Ami thought about it some, and then shook her head and said, "No, I think Ranko-chan just wants a good friend. I can kind of feel a sadness in her eyes, like she has suffered countless tragic developments. Maybe after we've know her for a while she'll feel tell us. I think she has a kind heart though; we should be supportive friends. Come on now, we'll be late to class."   
  
***   
  
Ranma-chan awoke again from class when he heard the words "P.E." 'All right! Finally something I can show off at!' thought Ranma-chan as she dashed into the locker room.   
  
Since Ranma usually went to school in boy-form, he dashed into the boys' locker room out of habit. Ranma-chan was busy removing her shirt, still wondering why all the boys in the boy froze in their various states of undress when something finally clicked in her brain, and she realized she was still a she.   
  
She dashed out of locker room. Before long she realized she was completely topless, at the combined stares of everyone in the hall, both male and female. Ranma-chan took the plunge and dashed into the girls' locker room.   
  
"Um, Ranko-chan?" said Ami, looking at her new friend in amusement. "Why are your eyes closed? Won't you need to see to put on your swimsuit?"   
  
"Huh? Swimsuit?" said Ranma-chan as his eyes snapped open to the scene of Ami putting on a fairly modest one-piece swimsuit. Well, it would have been modest after she put it on completely. Ranma-chan felt her face flush beet red.   
  
"Yeah, today's swimming, my favorite. Did you bring your swimsuit?"   
  
'Crap,' thought Ranma-chan. "Uh... I didn't know."   
  
"Here," said Ami, holding out another swimsuit. "You can use one of my spares."   
  
"Um..." If what Ranma-chan had felt wearing some of Akane's clothes was discomfort, wearing the swimsuit of a girl he barely knew could certainly be classified as malaise. Ranma-chan suppressed an embarrassed shudder at the thought of having some of her more intimate body parts contacting the same cloth that contacted Ami's corresponding ones. "I don't know if that's a good idea."   
  
"Sensei's not going to excuse you from class, and you don't want to swim naked, do you?"   
  
'Well, I don't mind it so much, but everyone else seems to...' "Oh heck, I'll just wear it!"   
  
Ami was still confused why the new girl was putting up so much resistance.   
  
***   
  
Swimming was fun; Ranma had always liked it. Ami also really liked it. Now, one would think that it would please Ranma that he and his new female friend shared such an interest, but at the moment it was vexing our aquatranssexual hero. Ranma had made up his mind to go shower only after everyone else is done, but Ami also lingered in the pool as the other girls filed out near the end of the class. Ranma decided to do another lap at top speed. And then another when he saw Ami was still swimming.   
  
Finally, Ami got out of the pool and into the shower room. Ranma-chan waited five more minutes before getting out of the pool himself.   
  
"Hello?" 'No response. Good, that meant Ami-chan left already.'   
  
Ranma-chan scuttled into the shower and peeled off Ami's swimsuit, before she turned on the hot water. He sigh in comfort as the metamorphesis effected. It was good to be a guy again, even if only briefly.   
  
Ranma turned around immediately when he heard a sound. The sound of another swimsuit impacting the floor. Ami, in her normal school uniform now, stared at Ranma with a shocked expression on her face.   
  
"Uh-oh."   
  
It was very lucky for Ranma that the girl who stood in front of him was Ami Mizuno, and not anyone else. For anyone else, the first thing they would have noticed was that Ranma was a *naked* male. Ami, however, noticed that Ranma was a naked *male*. The surprise that one could change from female to male was only superceded by her surprise of actually witnessing it.   
  
Realizing that Ami was about Akane's polar opposite in terms of temperament, Ranma relaxed slightly, and grabbed the nearest towel to cover himself with. "Hi, I'm Ranma Saotome. Sorry about this..."   
  
***   
  
Ranma-chan and Ami walked back to class ten minutes late, after Ranma told Ami a very abridged version of his life so far. It was mostly accurate, except Ranma subconsciously left out that Akane, Ukyo, and Shampoo were fiancees (he refered to them as just friends). By agreement, Ranma would still stay as Ranma-chan going by the name of Ranko at school, because the change would be too hard to explain. Perhaps later Ami would arrange for Ranko to be transferred away again, and Ranma to be transferred in.   
  
At the moment though, Ami's mind was a blur, as she felt the anger at Genma for the Neko-ken training, sympathy at Ranma being torn away from his childhood buddy, sadness at Ranma's rejection by the Tendos for his curse, and most of all a warm feeling of companionship to this Ranma Saotome who now she understood better than anyone other than her mother and her Senshi friends.   
  
Ami didn't have many friends either. There were the fellow Senshi of course, but they more-or-less had to be friends. Other than that, there had been only emptiness, that had only been enhanced by positive feedback--the more lonely Ami felt, the more she would turn to books and knowledge as a source of distraction, as a mechanism to keep the sadness to a dull simmer. Now, with this Ranma, who life and experiences were so polarly disparate in some ways, but also intangibly similar in others, Ami had a chance for friendship. A voluntary one.   
  
Ami suddenly remembered her conversation with Makoto earlier in the day, and consequently a rosy tinge formed on her visage. She didn't dare raise her hopes too much, but eventually, just maybe, after Ranma and her became good friends... they could be more than just friends.   
  
--End of Chapter 3--   
  
// Demon names stolen from a rogueish game called Angband. Warning! It's very addictive and time consuming. It's fun though. Working on a variant called Ranmaband. // Engrish is memorialized at // The chapter title is a play on words. Hentai in its traditional meaning, denotes someone who is (sexually) perverted. However, it also can be literally translated to mean "changing states." 


	4. And Here We Go Again

  
  
-+- Standard Disclaimer -+-   
  
The characters depicted in this story are not mine. Sue me and you get nada, cuz that's how much I own. Blah.   
  
-+- End of Disclaimer -+-   
  
Unlikely Companions   
  
A fiction novella by Dave Zhang (dzhang@its.caltech.edu). Comments and criticisms welcomed. Copyright 2003.  
  
  
"This text is spoken." 'This text is thought.' [This text is English.]   
Chapter 4: And here we go again   
  
"So, uh... you guys said we're going for ice cream after school?" asked Ranma-chan. Maybe they'd run into Yuu, and Ranma-chan could get a couple free extra scoops from his fellow dimensional traveller.   
  
"Yeah! That's sounds like a great idea Ranko-chan!" exclaimed Usagi, despite the fact that it was actually her idea.   
  
At that point, Ami's communicator beeped, as Rei tried to contact her from the restaurant. Ami excused herself for a moment to talk to Rei, and then the monster alarm on her computer went off.   
  
Usagi and Makoto immediately realized what that meant, and excused themselves as well, leaving only Ranma-chan staring at her new-found friends' departing forms.   
  
Ami had transformed into Sailor Mercury and was about to head to the scene of action with Sailor Jupiter and Sailor Moon when she remembered Ranma. "You guys go ahead; I'll be right there."   
  
"OK!" shouted Usagi as she headed off.   
  
"You're going back to Ranko?" asked Makoto.   
  
Ami nodded. "Yeah, I should go apologize to her. Don't worry, I won't be long."   
  
Makoto looked at the retreating figure of Ami with a touch of concern and discomfort. Haruka and Michiru had long turned to lesbians, and now Ami looks like she might be headed in the same direction. That did not bode well for the rest of the Senshi.   
  
***   
  
"I'm sorry, Ranma. It's just a little problem we have to take care of. I really have to go."   
  
"Oh... all right," said Ranma-chan, a little saddened. "See you at school tomorrow then, Ami-chan."   
  
Ami gave Ranma her most disarming smile. "We'll make it up to you tomorrow, Ran-chan!" And then she ran off.   
  
Ranma stood there, stunned. Since it was impossible for Ami to have known Ukyo, she must have stumbled upon that pet name completely accidentally. Well, it figures that someone with a logical mind like Ami's would decide to just call her Ran-chan, since then it would apply to both Ranko and Ranma. But still, it endeared her to Ranma greatly.   
  
'Wait, they looked serious... I wonder if they'll be in danger? I can't let anyone hurt Ami-chan!' with that decided, Ranma dashed off after Ami, using a few stealth techniques to make sure she didn't notice Ranma following her.   
  
Ami waited until she had walked quite a distance from where she thought Ranma was, before turning into an alley to transform. Of course, right after she transformed, her Senshi perception immediately informed her of a nearby presence, and turned to see Ranma on top of the roof, who watched her transform.   
  
"Ami?"   
  
Ami sighed. Her identity had been found out. At least it was by Ranma instead of someone else. "Ranma... I'll tell you everything tomorrow, okay? I have to go help my friends now."   
  
"I'll go with you! I'm a martial artist, after all. That could come in handy."   
  
"Thank you for the thought, but you could get hurt. Trust me, we'll be fine."   
  
"But..."   
  
"Please?"   
  
Ranma sighed. On one hand, he really did want to accompany Ami to make sure she didn't get hurt. On the other, her new form did seem to radiate substantial power, and she did ask him as a friend to believe in her... "All right."   
  
"Could you also not tell anyone about my secret identity?"   
  
"What secret identity?"   
  
Ami smirked as she took off. Of course, she didn't know that Ranma really was ignorant about the Sailor Senshi.   
  
***   
  
Nearby, a very similar episode occured with Miroku and Minako. Succumbing to the Cute-Girl-Pleading Attack, Miroku also gave his word to not interfere with Sailor business. Not long after, Ranma-chan encountered Miroku again, and they set out to search for Yuu. Since Ranma-chan and Miroku searched in ice cream shops , while Yuu was at that moment washing dishes at a fancy restaurant, they obviously did not find Yuu.   
  
After a couple hours of futile searching, Ranma-chan decided for duo that they should work as well to pay their lodging and board. And thus Miroku and Ranma-chan worked at an ice cream shop for several hours. Fortunately, no Tomobiki students visited that shop.   
  
***   
  
Ranma-chan and Miroku encountered Yuu late that night as they walked back to Cherry Hill Temple. Ranma-chan and Miroku chuckled as Yuu told them about his misfortunes, before relating their own experiences in the past day, with Ranma leaving out the encounter with Sailor Mercury and Miroku leaving out the encounter with Sailor Venus. The merriment, however, died as they approached the temple.   
  
"Hm... A tarrasque, eh? Pretty impressive; I didn't think any grew to be fifty-three feet tall. Ok, my turn."   
  
Ranma immediately dove forward to try to prevent Cherry from summoning an even larger demon. But in his haste, Ranma knocked over a ceremonial candle on the table where Cherry performed. Cherry, however, had not noticed this until too late--after he mystically lit the charm. A portal opened, and instead of pulling a monster into this realm, started emitting a vaccuum-like force, pulling Cherry, Ranma, Yuu, and Miroku into the alternate dimension. Seconds later, after all four were pulled into the portal, the charm stopped burning as it had been reduced to ashes, and the portal closed.   
  
*****   
  
Ranma shook his head free of the dizziness, and then surveyed his surrounding. They were definitely not in Juuban anymore.   
  
"Ah!!! You stupid old man! What the hell did you do now?" Ranma was upset. Very upset. Just when he was beginning to really like Juuban and Ami-chan in particular, Cherry had to do something to drag the four of them away. And so he did what he usually did after a short old man ruins his life in some way or other--he punted Cherry off into the horizon again.   
  
"Um, Ranma?" said Yuu, recovering. "We might need him to take us back." Not that he particularly wanted to return to the world of that drunken schoolgirl harbinger of bad luck, but Ranma seemed to like it now.   
  
"Ah..." said Ranma, scratching his head in embarassment. "So where are we? We'll go look for Cherry after we figure out where this is."   
  
"It was night in Juuban when we left, but it's noon here," said Miroku thoughtfully. "We seem to be in some countryside, and there doesn't seem to be a big city anywhere near here. It doesn't quite look like where I was when I left my world, but it could be."   
  
Just then, a figure dressed in rusty armor rode in on a horse with equally rusted armor and spoke something Ranma-chan couldn't make out.   
  
"Say," said Miroku. "That sounds kind of like the 'Engrish' that I heard at the temple training... er, school."   
  
Yuu, the brightest of the group, who actually understood English, grew very uncomfortable at the man's words, and translated for his friends. "This knight thinks Miroku and I are foul sorcerors who have enslaved Ranma-chan, and he vows to destroy us to free his maiden. I think maybe we should run now." Yuu followed his own advice before he even finished speaking.   
  
"Ah! Perfect! A fight is just what I need right now to unwind." With that said, Ranma-chan joined Miroku in bashing the knight.   
  
***   
  
"Yuu, we really have to start training you in martial arts soon," said Ranma-chan. "It just doesn't do to have our friend running at the sight of a mere fool like him."   
  
"Mm," said Miroku, nodding. "I agree with Ranma. Ranma and I will try our best to protect you when we're around, but we may get separated with all this teleporting. I can tell you're a fast learner."   
  
"That actually doesn't sound like a bad idea," said Yuu. 'If that drunk girl ever lands me in prison again, at least I won't get beat up by the thugs again.'   
  
Miroku rummaged through the fallen knight's stuff and found a crude map. "Hey, Yuu. Read this and tell us how to get to the nearest city."   
  
Yuu read the English on the map, and translated for his companions, "Come Hither to King Arthur's Tournament in Camelot! It seems to be directions to a fighting competition at this city called Camelot." Yuu's brows creased in concentration. 'Camelot and Arthur. I've heard those names before. Think it was something Meiko said at some point.'   
  
Ranma-chan perked. "A martial arts competitions! Great! We gotta go! Might as well pick up some special techniques while we're wandering from world to world."   
  
"Maybe we should go look for Cherry?"   
  
"Na, that old man can take care of himself," said Ranma-chan. "Besides, this has got to be much more fun that looking for an old man."   
  
"Well, I still don't know where on this map we are."   
  
"Easily solved," said Miroku as he splashed their prisoner with some water from the knight's canteen. "Hey, samurai-boy! Where are we on this map right now?"   
  
Yuu translated their query to the knight. The knight, thinking that the warrior before him must be demons, was too scared to lie.   
  
***   
  
By dusk, the trio had reached the outskirts of Camelot. Ranma had turned back into boy-form, now that he no longer had to appease any dimunitive head priests. They settled themselves at an inn, and ate a small feast, all paid for with the money taken by Miroku from their earlier foe.   
  
Since Yuu was the only one of the trio who spoke English, and modern English at that, they had much trouble communicating with the locals, but Yuu was finally able to convey their meanings, and find out some basic information.   
  
"Well, guys, it looks like we're now in twelfth-century England. There seem to be a number of monsters and dragons around here, as well as princesses worth rescuing, and then there's that tournament coming up in about two months. Sorry, Ranma, but it looks like it's only a very formalized mounted combat called jousting."   
  
"I'll just go up against them with my bare hands! If they're anything like that last guy, it won't be a challenge at all," averred Ranma.   
  
"I heard from the locals that many of the knights seem be to highly esteemed, and many of them possess enchanted weapons. Sir Lancelot and his Joyeaux blade seem especially respected around here."   
  
"So, what's the reward for winning? Gold? Beautiful women? Kingship?" asked Miroku.   
  
"I'm not sure. In any case, the tournament isn't for another two months. If the length of our stay in Juuban is any indicator, we probably won't be here that long."   
  
"Well, in that case we're starting your tonight, Yuu!"   
  
***   
  
The past two months have been pure pain for Yuu. Sure, Yuu had been in a lot of pain before, the worst at finding out the one woman he truly loved romantically turned out to be his half-sister. And in some ways that hurt more. But in many others, his nerves screamed, it was nothing compared to the physical pain being dished out to him by Ranma and Miroku while training him.   
  
The only thing that had prevented Yuu from calling it quits after two days was the fact that Yuu was changing, and he felt it. No longer the weak bishonen that he had been for the past seventeen years of his life (something he was always not too comfortable with), he was gaining a more rugged look, because of both the primitive living conditions of Arthurian Camelot and the increased muscle mass.   
  
From what he saw he could do to trees and practice dummies, Yuu felt relieved... and confident. He was becoming a martial artist. He wouldn't reach Ranma or even Miroku's caliber for a long time hence, if ever, but that was all right. A rational part of his mind had been trying to remind him for the past few weeks that he was now strong enough to protect his Miki, but with Miroku and Ranma's constant badgering and encouragement, Yuu pressed on in his training.   
  
From what Yuu could tell, Ranma's claim that he was the best Martial Artist in the world was no idle brag. Remembering some of Ranma's more powerful chi-based attack demonstrations, Yuu found himself with a goal. As with everything, improvement comes fastest when there existed a tangible goal at the end of the marathon.   
  
Miroku was weaker in raw fighting ability; by exactly how much Yuu could not tell. Of course, Miroku had the Kazaana attack that could override anything else, but Miroku revealed to them his weakness with poison bugs and the like.   
  
All in all though, other than the physical pain, Yuu found it actually satisfactory. He and his two present companions also got to know each other very much better, having traded abridged life stories early on, but always sharing some antics over dinner.   
  
At last, it was time for King Arthur's tournament. Since none of the three had horses, armor, or lances, the trio stayed in the crowds to watch the fights.   
  
The style of the tournament was fairly standard single elimination. Ranma commented several times that he felt there was very little skill involved in jousting, and that the steeds were doing most of the work. It was fortunate that Ranma complained in Japanese, otherwise the group would probably have been attacked by several hundred knights simultaneously.   
  
Finally, after many rounds of jousting, it was time for the final match between Lancelot and Gawain, two of the more famous knights of the Round Table. After many bouts and broken lances, Lancelot finally emerged winner.   
  
"Ooh... Wonder what he gets for winning. Must be some prize, being such a big tournament and all."   
  
At this point, Lancelot was above to be declared victor to the masses, when suddenly a page announced that a new challenger had just arrived, after finishing a quest, and requested to challenge Sir Lancelot. Yuu translated for his companions.   
  
Arthur stood up and addressed Lancelot publically, asking if he wished to fight the newcomer. [Even if you refuse, the title of the victor of the day is still yours, good Lancelot.]   
  
[Nay, how could I turn down this and still consider myself victor of the day? Come, let us be joined for one more battle!]   
  
"That's pretty smart," commented Miroku. "Waiting until the tournament is almost over to make a late entry. At the very least, it saves him from having to go through all those lower level matches, and his opponent is probably also tired now."   
  
A knight clad in dazzling red armor and a fiery steed covered in the same entered the jousting area with lance in hand. He was tall and broad-shouldered, but his visage was blocked by his helm.   
  
[Good sir, I am Lancelot. Whom do I have the honor of jousting?]   
  
The red knight bowed on his steed and answered, [Good sir Lancelot, it is indeed an honor to meet and joust thou. I am but a fledgling knight who has completed his first quest, and am much to ashamed to mention mine own humble name in thy presence.]   
  
[It seems thou has reasons for anonymity, thus I shall not press thee. Let us joust!]   
  
Lancelot mounted, and rode over to his end of the lane. At Arthur's signal, the two charged toward each other. In the first round, both only scored glancing blows that deflected off each others' shields, netting one point for each contestant. Both knights quickly turned their steeds around, and charged one another a second time, and the result was same as the first round.   
  
In the third bout, the red knight missed completely, while Lancelot scored a solid hit with his wooden sparring lance that broke on impact at the direct hit. Score 4-2 in favor of Lancelot.   
  
"Though it looks like the ruse can't replace skill," commented Miroku.   
  
After another three rounds, the score had come to favor Lancelot highly, at 9-5. King Arthur then raised a flag, signalling the bout to be the last. Both knights charged one last time, and again Lancelot scored a clean hit, breaking his lance. However, the red knight struck so well (or perhaps luckily) that Lancelot was dismounted.   
  
And thus, the battle was over, in a last second upset by the red knight.   
  
Lancelot got up, breathing heavily, and removed his helm. He smiled companionably and said, [Truly thou art a superior warrior and tactician, fellow knight! I acknowledge my defeat! Come, now willst thou reveal thy identity?]   
  
The red knight nodded, and dismounted, revealing himself to be about six foot tall. He likewise took off his helm, and addressed the crowd, in choppy, accented English. [I am often known as the Red Knight. My true name is... Cherry.]   
  
Sure enough, it was the ugly face of their companion looking back.   
  
"Wow, that's really Cherry! Isn't that a surprise, guys? Guys?" Yuu turned and saw that Ranma and Miroku had in shock of relevation of the red knight's identity.   
  
Ranma and Miroku finally recovered after Arthur declared Cherry to be the winner of the tournament, and the other knights participating came by to congratulate him.   
  
"How did Cherry get so tall!?" demanded Ranma. Since there was no way for a peasant observer to approach the winner of the day normally, Ranma decided to leap above the crowds, and hopped next to Cherry in several jumps.   
  
Several hundred knights drew their swords simultaneously.   
  
Fortunately, Cherry immediately recognized Ranma, and signaled for the other knights to lower their arms.   
  
"Where the hell ya been? Oh yeah, Miroku and Yuu are waiting over there."   
  
Cherry nodded, and followed Ranma to where where Miroku and Yuu stood. Afterwards, the four companions walked back to King Arthur, where Cherry explained them to be very good friends of his, and introduced them. He then asked for them to be included in the feast as well, despite their commoner status.   
  
[Very well,] said Arthur. ['Tis a pity they are not knighted; I can tell your friend Ranma who leapt here would make a fine warrior. Tell me though, in what language dost thou speak with them?]   
  
[We hail from lands afar, and thus speak in our native language to each other,] offered Cherry.   
  
[Lands afar? Do you speak of the mythical lands of Gaul?]   
  
[I...] said Cherry, not really sure what Gaul was.   
  
[No, good King Arthur, we hail from lands even farther than Gaul,] said Yu,u who realized Gaul was the ancient name for France. [Beyond the plains of Gaul, and the marshs of Prussia, over the mountains of Ural and across the icy tundra of Siberia, on the far side of the Sea of China, lies the islands of Japan from which we hail.]   
  
[But Prussia is a legend! Not to be believed!] exclaimed some no-name knight. [And no one has ever heard of the other lands of which you speak!]   
  
Arthur raised his hand to silence the knight, and spoke again, [Verily, I would not have believed it either. But in face of our esteemed guested, with such prowess as Sir Cherry and Ranma, who are we to doubt their claims? Let us feast! Good sirs from the lands of Japan, thou must tell us all about thy home tonight.]   
  
And so through the night, Cherry and Yuu gave the King and the members of his court a lesson in geography, while Ranma and Miroku pigged out, happily free from responsibilities since they did not know English. And so through the night they feasted and drank (Ranma and Yuu initially hesitated, but at the insistence of Arthur, also imbibed heavily).   
  
Suddenly, late into the night, lightning flashed and thunder rolled despite lack of clouds.   
  
[Oh...] said a very drunken Cherry, [It is our time to leave. We thank you, good King Arthur, for thy hospitality, and we will try to visit again soon.]   
  
"Huh?" mutted Ranma. "Ya old man, what the hell ya talking about?"   
  
Moments later, a portal opened and dragged our four heroes into it before closing again.   
  
When the other members of the court realize that it was real, and not some alcohol-induced hallucination, they were already gone.   
  
Guinevere gasped. [Where is good sir Lancelot!?]   
  
--End Chapter 4-- 


	5. Cherry and the Genie

  
  
-+- Standard Disclaimer -+-   
  
The characters depicted in this story are not mine. Sue me and you get nada, cuz that's how much I own. Blah.   
  
-+- End of Disclaimer -+-   
  
Unlikely Companions   
  
A fiction novella by Dave Zhang (dzhang@its.caltech.edu). Comments and criticisms welcomed. Copyright 2003.  
  
  
[This text is in English.] "This text is spoken." 'This text is thought.'   
Chapter 5: Cherry and the Genie   
  
The companions tumbled out of the portal and into onto lands painfully as always. Standing up and collecting themselves took longer than usual due to their very drunken states.   
  
"Oof," made out Yuu before he puked.   
  
[I have had too much to drink,] muttered Lancelot. Then he realized that they were no longer in the feasting halls of Camelot, and that it was no longer night, but rather early morning. [Where am I!?]   
  
"Oh hiya, Lancey," said Ranma. Then he blinked as he tried to shake himself from the effects of alcohol to determine where they were.   
  
"We are... we're in Juuban again! There's Cherry Hill Temple!" yelled Ranma as he started to do a dance of celebration. That is, all five steps before he fell to the ground again.   
  
"Hey!" said a new voice, distinctly feminine, and sounding somewhat upset. "You! It's really is Yuu! Come here, you!"   
  
Yuu took off running in panic in uncertain directions when he recognized the feared voice of Rei Hino. Rei stormed after him.   
  
Now, two months ago Rei would have definitely been able to catch up to him in such a drunken state, but because of his martial arts training with Ranma and Miroku, Yuu had gotten substantially faster. He learned also how to tap his full potential in times of desperation, and meeting the Harbinger of Bad Luck (who he had repeatedly offended, no less) definitely counted as a time of desperation in his mind. He ran off, screaming "Ah!!!!"   
  
The four others watched dumbly for a bit before collapsing to the sidewalk, asleep.   
  
***   
  
Ranma woke up first on the sidewalk in the early afternoon. He woke up the others, before conversing with them.   
  
"Hey ya guys, Yuu's still gone," said Ranma, rubbing his temples to try to relieve his hangover-induced headache. "Think maybe we should go look for him? That tomboy running after him looked pretty pissed."   
  
[What did you say, good sir Ranma?]   
  
Cherry sighed and translated, since he was the only bilingual of the group now. He then said to Ranma, "It's been hours, we'd have no idea where to look." Sighing, he continued, "Yuu is very unlucky."   
  
"That reminds me, how did you get so tall?" asked Miroku.   
  
[Miroku asked why I'm so tall now, because I used to be very short. It's because of a wish from a genie.] "By a wish granted by a genie."   
  
The rest of the group collective stared at Cherry as he sighed and told the tale of how he spend the last two months in both Japanese and English.   
  
*****   
  
Well, after Ranma punted to into a marsh, I was fairly lost and disoriented. Of course, I had a vague idea where I was, because I was trying to summon a green giant, when Ranma disrupted the summoning procedure. So I figured I was probably going to be dumped in Arthurian Britain or somewhere similar, which meant I probably had to watch out for all sorts of nasties.   
  
I wandered about the marsh until I saw the shape of a castle in the distance. Since I was by that time fairly hungry, and didn't have the proper charms and tools to summon something like a chicken or a pig, I decided I'd head over to the castle and ask for some food like a normal wandering traveller.   
  
Now, a great priest such as myself should have been able to sense the evil of the place earlier than I had, but as it was a faraway land, and I was starving, I walked into the castle without a second thought.   
  
Then there were the gate attendants. They looked somewhat... dead. Because they were. Of course, me being starved at the time, I thought they were just really tired from the monotonous task of gatekeeping.   
  
Drawing upon my limited English skills, I asked one of the gatekeepers where the kitchen was. Again, the fact that his words emerged as a moan from some unknown location, and that his lips didn't move as the words were spoken, should have tipped me off that he was dead.   
  
In any case, you can imagine my surprise upon reaching the kitchen, upon seeing the room devoid of food. So then I walked up to the giant animated human skeleton, and asked him where I can find some food in the castle. That old chap considered this a bit, and then drew a rather large and sharp butcher knife.   
  
[Oh, you're going to slaughter an animal just for me? I must thank you,] said I as I bowed in appreciation. I felt an air current from above, and when I finished bowing, I saw that the skeletal cook had accidentally swung his knife.   
  
[You should be careful with that knife, you lacking muscles and tendons and all.]   
  
The skeleton scratched his skull with his other hand, before leading me to another area of the castle. Upon nearing one room, the chap motioned for me to go first into the room.   
  
No sooner after I had walked into the room before I noticed something. There was a copper coin on the ground! I ecstatically bent down to collect it, thinking that I might be able to pay for my meal if I find enough of them.   
  
It was after I looked up that I noticed that a pig-type monster had been in the room. He had come up rushing to me, with a large mace in hand. Fortunately, I had been distracted at the exact right moment. Unfortunately, though the nice animated skeleton who had been my guide was not so lucky, and was shattered by the impact.   
  
My host was true to me even until the very end though. He anticipated my bending down, and with the last of his strength he had slashed the pig monster in the gut and killed it. I am most impressed, for if he had mis-timed it by even a little bit, surely he would have hit my head instead. He sure was an awfully bright guy, despite lacking a brain and all that. Ah, poor valiant soul!   
  
In any case, I prayed for his soul, before dragging the pig monster's corpse into the open to cook it. Roasted pig demon meat is most delicious when roasted over an open fire, by the way. In any case, I ate my fill, and then took a nap.   
  
***   
  
When I was awoken by the lash from a whip, I realized tied and bound in some sort of dungeon cell. Some type of goat demon was there holding a whip; I suppose he was to be my torturer or something.   
  
Since I was in a slightly less advantageous position, I figured I might as well try diplomacy. [Is there any way we can talk about this?]   
  
At this, the goat demon started laughing maniacally, so I took that to mean he wanted me to offer him something.   
  
[If you release me and get me supplies, I'll try to summon a female goat demon for you...]   
  
Unfortunately, that didn't work either, and the goat demon only laughed harder, tossing his head back and merrily guffawing. The poor guy's horns caught one of the strange metallic torture devices, and when he tried to return his head into normal position, the snapping motion threw the weapon off the rack and straight into his brain.   
  
Kinda funny, actually--I thought demons were supposed to have tough skulls. Maybe the blade was enchanted or something.   
  
In any case, the dying goat demon took a couple steps forward, before he collapsed on me, lifeless. I used my mouth to bite onto the handle of the weapon that killed my torturer, and used it to cut the ropes binding my hands to the cross.   
  
As I exited the dungeon, I entered a large dining hall of sorts. A red dragon was in there, so I greeted it. [Hiya! How are you doing?]   
  
That caught it's attention, and it turned to me. It must have thought I was the goat demon or something though, because it started breathing fire at me. Not wanting to be well done, I started running around the room, while trying to clear up the misunderstanding.   
  
[Hey, look! I'm a prisoner here, not one of the goat-demon torturer-types! You don't have to fight me!]   
  
It didn't seem to want to listen though, because it kept chasing after me while breathing fire and all. In my running I think I accidentally bumped a secret switch in the wall or something.   
  
[Hey, Mr. Dragon! Look there! Move, quickly!]   
  
The dragon paused a moment, snorting, as if not believing me, before the chandelier crashed down on his head. Oops. I tried to warn him though.   
  
The dragon was somewhat stunned from that, so I thought maybe I'd try to clear up the misunderstanding by talking to it again.   
  
It still seemed to be angry at me though, as it the chandelier was my fault or something, and so it shook loose the chandelier before starting to chase me again.   
  
Again, I had to run. I saw a staircase up, and figured that the dragon can't run up stairs while breathing fire very well, and decided to run up it.   
  
When I got to the top, quite out of breath, there seemed a sorceror in a black robe there. Glad to see a human again at least, who I could possibly reason with, I was about to greet him, when he started speaking.   
  
[Fool! You dare challenge the great wizard Malleon? Die!]   
  
I was about to reply that I wasn't challenging him when I remembered that the red dragon was still running up the stairs, so I dodged sideways out of the doorway. Apparently, the wizard was trying to cast some sort of spell, because a black ball of energy formed in his hand, and he threw it to where I was.   
  
Well, instead of hitting me, it hit the red dragon that was chasing after me, and I think it upset the dragon a little bit, because the dragon then forgot about me and started charging Mr. Malleon.   
  
The wizard was trying to throw another ball of energy to me when he got tackled by the dragon, and that upset him, so the two went at it. The two fought and fought, completely forgetting about me, and I was silently lamenting my lack of equipment to summon up a bag of popcorn. About an hour later, it looked like the wizard was definitely winning, so I decided to move on before the crazy wizard killed the dragon and turned to me.   
  
Inside in the next room was a young woman who was encased an ice-like solid crystal. At that point a very haggardly looking Malleon walked into the room, and threw one huge fireball at me before collapsing from exhaustion. I quickly dodged out of the way, so the fireball hit the woman's ice prison, melting away most of it.   
  
The young woman came to, and blinked, before looking down at me. [You saved me!?]   
  
I was going to point out how it was really the crazy wizard's doing, but then I decided that was too long to explain, so I just nodded.   
  
[You managed to defeat the evil wizard Malleon and his pet dragon Vicinus!?]   
  
I pointed to the unconscious figure of Malleon.   
  
She paced about in deep thought for a bit before speaking again, [Er... normally the deal in these situations is that the princess has to marry her savior, but I don't really want to marry you. No offense, but you're a bit shorter and uglier than I imagined my knight in shining armor to be. And you have no armor. Is there a way we can work out a deal?]   
  
Well, I wasn't particularly interested in her either. [Let's hear what you've got to offer.]   
  
[Gold?]   
  
[No thanks, I have little need for it.]   
  
[One of my handmaids?]   
  
[I can't see why anyone would want to trade a princess for one of her handmaids.]   
  
[All of my handmaids?]   
  
[No thanks. Asking for multiple women is just asking for disaster. Believe me; I know.]   
  
[How about a suit of enchanted armor? You won't be harmed at all by the elements while wearing it.]   
  
[Is it my size?]   
  
[Er... I suppose not. An enchanted sword then?]   
  
[Plenty of those in the dungeon downstairs.]   
  
By now, the princess seemed truly desperate, as she realized that she'd have to go through with marriage to me if she couldn't come up with a tempting offer.   
  
[I've got it! My father has a legendary bottle of the genie that will grant you three wishes.]   
  
[Sounds too good to be true. Any catches?]   
  
[Ah... I dunno... Probably not... I heard maybe... thepersonisdamnedtoHell] She spoke the last part very quickly and quietly, but I heard her.   
  
Well, I figured since I'm a Shinto priest, matters such as the Christian Hell would probably not affect me very much, so I agreed to it. I figured it would probably be a normal bottle with no powers, but since I didn't do the actual saving, I'm not really losing out on the deal. We travelled to her father's kingdom, where I delivered her, and she delivered the magical bottle.   
  
***   
  
I waited until after I left her castle before trying the bottle. To my surprise, a genie did emerge from the bottle when I rubbed it.   
  
"Greetings, mortal. I shall grant you wishes three before your soul is condemned to Hell."   
  
"You speak Japanese?"   
  
The ethereal figured nodded. "I speak in your most familiar language to avoid confusions in wishes."   
  
"I see. Very clever." said I. "Now, about these wishes. What restrictions do you have on them?"   
  
"You cannot wish for more wishes. Other than that, none, for I am all-powerful. Name anything, and it shall be."   
  
I smirked at the genie. "I don't believe you."   
  
"Believe me! For it is the truth."   
  
"What if I wish for something that you can't do?"   
  
The genie considered this, and replied, "I have served over six thousand masters, and not once out of all their wishes was one that I could not grant."   
  
"But still, humor me. What *if* I just happen to stumble upon a wish that you can't grant, either because you don't want to, or you don't have sufficient power for?"   
  
"I... what do you propose, mortal?"   
  
"How about a full refund of that wish, plus one extra wish as a penalty? On my part, I'm never allowed to wish the same thing twice."   
  
The genie nodded, "That sounds fair, so I agree. Though I doubt if there will be need for that."   
  
"Let's shake on that." And so we shook hands to seal the deal.   
  
"Now then, mortal, what is your first wish?"   
  
"I wish for an identical bottle to yours, down to the genie granting three wishes part."   
  
The genie frowned. "You are not allowed to do that, because that's wishing for more wishes."   
  
"No, that's not wishing for more wishes. I'm wishing for another bottle, and it just happens that the bottle will also have a genie to grant three wishes. I'm still only receiving three wishes from you, it's just that I'm also receiving three wishes from the other genie."   
  
"Sorry, clause XLVI of the Genie Unions contract clearly states that one genie cannot coerce the presence of another genie."   
  
"But I'm not asking for another genie, I'm asking for a bottle with a genie in it."   
  
"But that's still netting you more wishes!"   
  
"But you said anything!"   
  
The genie considered this, and then said, "Fine, you've wished for something I can't grant. You're up to four wishes. So, now, seriously, what is your next wish?"   
  
"Okay. I wish that this wish won't be granted."   
  
"Don... wait a second."   
  
"Hm...?"   
  
"That's not logically possible to fulfill."   
  
"Ah, so you can't do it. Up to five for me."   
  
"But... that's not fair!"   
  
"I don't recall you saying you can only grant fair wishes. In fact, I recall you saying you can grant any wish as long as it's not a wish for more wishes."   
  
The genie sighed. "Fine, you're up to five wishes. What's your next wish?"   
  
"I wish I didn't wish this wish."   
  
The genie narrowed his eyes and started rubbing his temples. "Six. Go on."   
  
***   
  
"Three hundred and seventy-six. Go on."   
  
I was running out of ideas for creating impossbilities. Oh well. I figured at that point, that after I made my three hundred odd wishes, and I come up with more impossibilities if I still saw the need for more.   
  
"Ok, that's enough for now. Hm... what should I wish for? I do have some room to play around with, so that's good." Then, remembering stories such as the monkey's paw, I shuddered for a bit. "Actually that gives me an idea. Okay, genie, here's my first wish that I expect to be granted: I wish that for all of my future wishes, I can see the results of that wish before finalizing my decision to wish that wish or not. You get it?"   
  
"I see," said the genie, nodding. "Very clever, mortal. In fact, even if you only had two wishes total, it would wise to use one like this. Very well, it is granted. Note, however, that there exists an infinitum of possible outcomes, which depend, among other things, on your other wishes. I will show you the possibilites one at a time chosen randomly, until you are either satisfied or dissatisfied enough to confirm or change the wish. You have three hundred and seventy-five left. What is your next wish?"   
  
"I wish I was twenty Earth years old again."   
  
The genie waved his hands, and a large mirror appeared before me. "How far into the future would you like to view?"   
  
"Uh..." Now that I hadn't thought about. Too far, and the likelihood of each individual future decreases, so that I'd have to view more of them to get a feel of the general positivity/negativity of each wish. "Ten years?" Then I remembered I was in a different time-hopping zone. "Ten years, from my perspective, from now."   
  
My image in the mirror faded away, and an image formed of me handsome and six-feet tall, chained and bound in what I can only assume to be Hell. Demons periodically came by to whip me, and otherwise I seemed to be powering some sort of energy plant by pushing a rock back and forth. Not exact ideal.   
  
I didn't give up hope yet... surely I'm smarter than to have been actually dragged to Hell because of this? If nothing else I could just not ever use up my last wish... "Show me an alternate."   
  
The previous image in the mirror faded away, and new image appeared, of me, again six feet tall and relatively handsome, lying on a bed next to a beautiful woman. From the background I gathered I was in the twenty-first century again. As I continued watching, the alarm clock beside the bed rang, and the future me and the woman I assumed to be my future wife arose. She headed downstairs to start boiling water, while I showered. In a little bit, another alarm went off in another room in the house, and a pair of children came out, sleepy-eyed. A daughter that looked to be maybe six, and a son that was maybe three. In general, the future me, and my future family, looked happy.   
  
As pleasing as that peaceful future was to watch, I shook myself free of the reverie, reminding myself that it was only one of countless billions of different possible future. And this was still only my first wish. Time is of the essence if I didn't want to spend an eternity watching possible futures.   
  
"Another please."   
  
This time, I saw myself in an army, at that moment engaged in a medieval battle against another army. Beside me were Miroku and Lancelot, while on the opposing side were Ranma and Yuu.   
  
"Another."   
  
In this one, I seemed to be in yet another time/space. I was a farmer in a small village. There seemed to be two main love interests for me, and the future me vacillated between the two. Life was peaceful, if a bit rough.   
  
"Another."   
  
I was piloting a spaceship, a fighter of some kind. On my dashboard, communication links were open to Ranma, Yuu, and a dozen other names, most likely pilots of fighters beside me. We were fighting, but I seemed to be enjoying myself.   
  
"That's enough. Confirm that wish."   
  
"Done! You have three hundred and seventy-four left."   
  
***   
  
And so I wished on. Most of my wishes, I tested by watching five futures of. If at least four were decent, I accepted it, otherwise I rejected it. The things I wished for were vastly varied, since I had so many wishes.   
  
Some of the wishes I accepted were: being a great mage skilled in spells of various schools, a suit of red armor that fits me and a matching charger, limited precognition, a nice unpoisoned dinner and drinks, that I would meet certain ones of my old friends again within two years, as well as a lot of other things.   
  
Wishes that I rejected after seeing their consequences included: immortality, that the princess I saved would fall madly in love with me (just out of curiosity. The results were about as bad as I imagined), becoming a god, becoming God, and ability to control dimensional travel, among other things.   
  
Oh yeah, I did accidentally pick up an additional wish. I wished that I could be even luckier, but the genie said that my luck rating was already at 30, the maximum, and so it was not possible to improve it any more. Not quite sure what he meant, but hey, he did give me an extra wish for that.   
  
***   
  
"Nineteen. Next wish?"   
  
Since I was starting to run low on wishes, I decided I'd start the impossibility game again. Not that I had much more in mind to wish for, but playing around with wishes that gave me power-ups and watching the repercussions was kind of fun. The problem was, I had forgotten which impossibilities I had already used.   
  
"Say, what was our agreement again? What happens if I wish the same wish twice?"   
  
"You didn't specify, so I took the liberty of assuming that the remainder of the wishes would be negated, and you'd be sent straight to Hell."   
  
I cursed under my breath for not nailing down that point, but then I remembered something. "Okay, I wish for a written transcript of everything we've said to each other."   
  
The genie's face looked pained as he realized as I was going to start conniving more wishes off him, when he suddenly remembered something and said, "No. Twenty."   
  
"Huh? But you can do that though! It's easy!"   
  
"Yes, but the conditions we agreed to states that I can refuse to do something as long as I grant you an extra wish."   
  
"But..." I cursed again, before I remembered something. Before, I had mostly been playing with logical impossibilities and the like. I was pretty sure I didn't exploit things the genie wouldn't want to do, but since the genie is being annoying, I decided to return the favor. "I wish all genies would die one hour from now, and never be alive again!"   
  
The genie frowned, and said, "Twenty-one."   
  
"I wish that the time you spend in your bottle is pure torture!"   
  
The frown deepened. "Twenty-two."   
  
Then a horrific thought suddenly came over me. If the genie just refused to do everything for me, and any number of wishes would be totally useless. What's a wish that won't be granted, even if you had millions of them?   
  
"Say, Genie. I'll make you a deal. How about we scrap the agreement about extra wishes and saying no like this: You must try to the best of your ability to fulfill all of my remaining wishes, but if you do fail, then there no longer is the extra wish penalty. However, I still get the wish refunded. How's that?"   
  
The genie considered this for a while before agreeing, but put up an additional term. "Throw in that you won't affect super-natural beings such as myself, and you have a deal."   
  
I hesitated. That would greatly limit the usefulness of wishes, but if I didn't do this, then the rest of my wishes are useless. Finally I agreed, and returned to wishing.   
  
***   
  
"Three. You're almost out."   
  
"Yargh... Me's already got just about anything me can think of. What to do now? Yargh... me don'ts wanna be stuck in this damn Arthurian universe forever," I shook my head and consciously improved my grammar. The last wish for experience with sailing sea-based ships apparently left me with a pirate's slangs. "I wish Ranma, Yuu, Miroku and I go back to the last universe we were, in five days."   
  
After quickly verifying that this didn't cause Armageddon or anything similar, I confirmed that wish. By the way, that's what brought us back, though I'm not sure about Sir Lancelot. I didn't specifically ask to bring him along, but I didn't specifically say only us either.   
  
"Two."   
  
I'd taken care of most things, but something else found its way to the foreground of my attention. Certainly I wouldn't be the only one to be smart enough to figure out how to confuse this or a similar genie enough to get himself countless wishes. And if the next person who comes along has enough wishes, it just might be enough to destroy the happiness I've built up for myself. So, I figured, why take that risk? "I wish that no other mortal on any plane of existance would ever find this bottle, or any other device that causes wishes to be granted."   
  
"The agreement was that you cannot affect supernatural being. You're still at two."   
  
"But I'm affecting all the the bottles, lamps, and so forth that causes wishes to be granted. The bottles and lamps themselves are not supernatural. Thus, you have to try to the best of your ability."   
  
The genie seethed, but really that I was right. "Fine! Wish granted! Last wish, mortal. Prepare to burn in hell!"   
  
"Oh, thanks for reminding me to take care of that."   
  
"You cannot effect the supernaturals, fool, and Hell counts as that. Let's see you try to get out of this!"   
  
I pondered this for a bit, before saying, "I wish that if ever I'm sent to Hell..." Then I figured, why take chances with Purgatory and Heaven and all the other possible dead ends? "or any other place of afterlife, I will to taken to the place I last was at in healthy corporeal form of age twenty human years, after exactly one millisecond in that place, and that I cannot be sent to Hell or any other place of afterlife more than once per week."   
  
I asked the Mirror to show me the image of one year from now, and saw that I was indeed not in Hell, and finalized the wish.   
  
Heaving a great sigh of agony in defeat, the Genie granted my last wish, before disappearing.   
  
Immediately after he disappeared, I felt chains wrap around my arms and legs, and they pulled me into Hell. As per the conditions of the last wish, I materialized right back one millisecond after I entered Hell, and I had been smart enough to close my eyes, and stuff my fingers into my ears.   
  
Still though, my skin was covered with severe burns, and despite the covered ears and eyes, screams of pain and images of agony still seeped through, and for the remainder of that night I was severely uncomfortable.   
  
One of my wishes was for extraordinary regenerative abilities though, so my burns quickly healed, and after a good nights rest and meditation, plus some magic spells, I was able to bury the audial and visual memories of my brief time in the underworld.   
  
Well, the rest of the story isn't that interesting. I saw a flier for King Arthur's tournament, and so I came.   
  
Lancelot was better than me in actual skill, of course, and that was reflected in all but the last round. In the last round though, I figured I could try one of the spells, and casted True Aim, and that's why I emerged victor.   
  
Sorry to steal your moment of glory like that, Lancey.   
  
*****   
  
['Tis quite all right,] said Lancelot generously. [Tournaments are more for entertainment than actual combat, and I am overjoyed to have met a friend such as thou.]   
  
"I could have gotten a cure for my curse..."   
  
"Say," said Miroku, "why didn't you also use a wish for a more attractive face? No offense, but your face looks just like before, and it's not the prettiest thing in the world."   
  
The now six-foot tall Cherry took off his face-mask to reveal a young looking face that was decently attractive, but not inordinately so. "Actually, I've been wearing this mask for quite some time now. Originally it was to avoid enemies, but after three hundred years, I guess they're all gone by now, huh? Not to mention we're in another time-space now." Seeing Lancelot still looking awed and confused, Cherry repeated the last statements in English. [Lancey, you also really have to learn Japanese. Our language, that is. We're in our world now.]   
  
Lancelot looked around him at the streets and signs and architecture, with awe much akin to Miroku's own two months ago when the group first gathered here. [Indeed I will, good sir Cherry. Your kingdom is certainly advanced.]   
  
Ranma, in the meantime, was still chanting, stunned. "I could have gotten a cure for my curse..."   
  
"Well, Ranma," smirked Miroku, "It *was* you who said that it'd be much more fun to go to Camelot to watch the tournament instead of searching for Cherry."   
  
"AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!"   
  
--End of Chapter 5--   
  
// I've always wanted to write something like this, about conniving genies in various ways to gain more wishes even if there was a specific clause precluding wishing for more wishes. 


	6. A Camelot Knight in Modern Japan

  
  
-+- Standard Disclaimer -+-   
  
The characters depicted in this story are not mine. Sue me and you get nada, cuz that's how much I own. Blah.   
  
-+- End of Disclaimer -+-   
  
Unlikely Companions   
  
A fiction novella by Dave Zhang (dzhang@its.caltech.edu). Comments and criticisms welcomed. Copyright 2003.  
  
  
[This text is in English.] "This text is spoken." 'This text is thought.'   
Chapter 6: A Camelot Knight in Modern Japan.   
  
Yuu dove left and right, hoping to lose the bane of his existence, Rei Hino.   
  
"Come back here! Stop!"   
  
Yuu, still dizzy from the alcohol, but much faster because of his martial arts training, finally managed to distance himself enough, thanks to a few timely red lights and intervening traffic, leaving behind a very upset Rei.   
  
"Damn it!" cried Rei. When Yuu shot out past visible distance, a single drop of tear dropped from Rei's eyes. "Please, Yuu. Come back."   
  
She took her from her pocket the note Yuu had left her two months ago, read it again for the forty-third time, before releasing herself into a full sobbing. "I miss you..."   
  
Yuu, after dashing at top speed for another few minutes, found himself in familiar settings. "Fuji Love Motel, eh? As good a place as any to grab a nap."   
  
Fortunately, he was still had money left over from his time in Camelot. He paid for a room for a night with a penny-sized pure silver coin. The motel-keeper was more than happy to take it as currency.   
  
***   
  
After a long needed rest that lasted almost twenty hours, Yuu woke up in the early morning, pleased with himself that he didn't let Rei catch him. 'Who knows what that crazy girl will do? She still thinks I tried to rape her.'   
  
Over the past two months, Yuu had trained in the early morning with Ranma and Miroku, but today there were other tasks at hand. 'Well, I'm still a junior in high school, so I should go to a high school with Ranma and Miroku. Juuban High, if I remember correctly. It's still early though, I can get a few other things done first.'   
  
First, Yuu walked to the nearest bank to convert half his precious metals into standard Japanese currency, keeping the other half in case they ever visited yet another time/space, which Yuu judged to be extremely likely. Next, he headed to a local store to buy a map of the area, several umbrellas, and several thermos. He then walked back to his room in the motel to study the map for the next hour, memorizing the relative positions and distances of important landmarks. Yuu learned to appreciate a good map after trying to follow the very warped map of the Camelot area, and ending up lost more than once.   
  
Next, Yuu walked to a local fast food place for breakfast, and bought an extra order to go, for lunch. He then remembered that of his companions, only Lancelot possibly had money and would probably not have realized to convert it to yen. Thus, he bought four more box lunches. Lancelot looked to be in his early twenties, and Cherry's now twenty, so they shouldn't be going to high school, but they probably would want to, in order to catch up with current events and knowledge.   
  
He then talked toward Juuban High, and met the other four on their way there as well. After distributing lunches, Yuu listened to a very abridged version of Cherry's tale from Miroku, while Cherry explained to Lancelot again the concept of school.   
  
Yuu lazily noted that Ranma was now in boy-form, Cherry was now a college-aged boy, and that Lancelot was still wearing his armor and had his enchanted broadsword Joyeaux strapped to his back.   
  
As they approached the school, Ranma suddenly remembered the reception the last time he came to this school, and silently cursed himself for not having changed to girl-form. The entire female population of Juuban (faculty included) held there breath at the sight of the approaching group.   
  
"Yeah, Rei-chan seemed kind of upset yesterday," said Minako, "but she wouldn't tell me why not. Hmph! Next time she wants to stay over at my place, I'm definitely demanding a reason." She paused when she realized Makoto's attention was elsewhere.   
  
'Is that a Knight? In shining armor no less?' Minako blinked again to make sure she wasn't hallucinating. 'Nope, he's still there.'   
  
Minako dashed forward as if shot out of a cannon, and latched herself onto Lancelot as if a barnacle. "Oh, hold me, valiant knight!"   
  
Lancelot confusedly turned to his companions, asking, [Is this girl all right? She seems faint.]   
  
'English? He must be really into this knight thing! I'll just impress him with my English skills! After all, I am from Britain!' thought Minako happily. [Oh, good Sir, I have admired you much from afar. Thou, only thou, canst unchain my heart from the darkness of solitude! Spare me a happy smile, and a date, noblest knight.]   
  
Lancelot thought through her words several times, astounded that someone here spoke his language, and implied to be a princess no less. [Sir Yuu, this fair maiden is a princess? What dost date imply?]   
  
Minako then felt a hand caressing her rear, and was enjoying the feeling, before realizing that it was not one of Lancelot's hands.   
  
"Aiyee! Pervert!" Minako quickly dislodged herself from Lancelot and turned, ready to slap the offender, before she recognized a familiar face. "Oh... Hi Mimuko. Where have you been for the past two months?"   
  
"I'm Miroku," said Miroku with more than a trace of irritation. "And I thought you said that I'd be 'the only one ever' for you?"   
  
"Oh. Well, I figured you weren't here, so you were probably cheating on me or something, and a girl's gotta move on and all that."   
  
"Hah! I did not touch a single woman since we parted." declared Miroku. He mentally added, 'Though not out of unwillingness.'   
  
Usagi muttered to herself and her friends, "They're not as good as my Mamo-chan. Right, Ami-chan? Right, Mako-chan? They're not nearly as good!"   
  
Ami mentally debated whether to run up to Ranma as Ami had done with Lancelot now, or to speak to him later since she wasn't supposed to know him in his male form. At the lupine gleams in her female schoolmates' eyes though, Ami decided there can be no waiting.   
  
Ami shyly approached Ranma, and spoke quietly to him, barely above a whisper. "Hello again, Ran-chan. I've missed you."   
  
"Uh..." said Ranma, fervently scratching the back of his head. "Yeah, good to see you again Ami-chan. I've missed you too."   
  
Rampant rumors immediately began forming about Minako's dubiously relationships to Lancelot and Miroku, Ami's questionable (after all, she *is* a bookworm) relationship with Ranma, and the availibility status of the other two.   
  
***   
  
"Class, we have several new students today. New students, please introduce yourselves."   
  
"Hi, I'm Ranma Saotome. Uh, you may know my cousin Ranko; she's sick a lot, but she still might come by once in a while."   
  
"Greetings! I have long since forgot my real name, but you may call me... Cherry!"   
  
"I am Yuu. I used to go to Touyuu High School, and I hope to be an architect some day." Yuu turned to Lancelot. [Sir Lancelot, please introduce yourself.]   
  
Lancelot nodded. [Greetings, fair maidens and noble squires! I am Sir Lancelot of Camelot. I serve King Arthur and his queen, Guinevere. This...] Lancelot drew his broadsword, and flipped it once in his hand. [is my sword Joyeaux.] He quickly sheathed it again.   
  
"Um..." stuttered the teacher. "Could you repeat that in Japanese please? And you're not allowed to carry weapons to class."   
  
Minako raised her hand. "He says that he's a knight from the Court of Camelot, his sword's name is Joyeaux, and that he has been smitten by love for me!"   
  
Ami and buried in her face into her desk in embarrassment at her friend's words.   
  
"Um... the sword?"   
  
Cherry nodded. [Lancey, come with me real quick.]   
  
After Lancelot followed Cherry into the hall, Cherry checked quickly to make sure no one was looking at them, before running his hand down along the sheath of Joyeaux and muttering some incantations. [There ya go, Lancey. The teacher doesn't like to have weapons in the classroom, but I know you don't want to part with Joyeaux, so I casted a spell to make Joyeaux and its sheath invisible to anyone but you and me, as long as it's in its sheath. If you ever draw it though, both it and the sheath becomes visible again. Let's go back now, I need a rest after that enchantment. You should try to stay awake and learn Japanese from Yuu though.]   
  
***   
  
'This whole day has been most confusing to me,' thought Lancelot. 'Sir Ranma and Sir Yuu insisted that I accompany them to this school to receive an education, but Sir Ranma is asleep right now. Also, is not education only for priests? Sir Cherry and Sir Miroku proclaim themselves to be priests, but Sir Miroku steals glances at the damsels of the area most often. Perhaps priest do not have to take celibacy oaths in this land?'   
  
[Do you understand, Lancelot?]   
  
[I apologize most profusely, Sir Yuu. My mind was elsewhere. Pray speak again.]   
  
[I said that you should try to listen to the teacher and other students, and try to pick up pieces of Japanese.]   
  
[It is most confusing, for so many words sound alike. And the words that I do uneqivocally understand, seem to be thrown together in a most haphazard fashion.]   
  
[Japanese grammar is very different from English. We will get to that eventually. For now, just try to memorize these Japanese words.]   
  
[Very well. I thank thee, good sir Yuu, for teaching me the ways of your language.]   
  
A bell rang, and Lancelot assumed that the current teacher would leave, and a new one would walk in. Not that it mattered much, since he received his lessons from Yuu. This time though, Yuu and the other students stood up, and Yuu pulled gently on Lancelot's arm, urging him to stand as well. [Come on, Lancelot. It is lunch time.]   
  
[What, pray tell, is lunch? Is that a Japanese custom?]   
  
'Oh right, in medieval times, lunch was known as dinner, and dinner was known as supper.' [Lunch is the meal in the middle of the day. It is custom to eat lunch out on the grass with one's friends.]   
  
[Very well. Lead on, Sir Yuu. I shall lunch with thou and Sirs Cherry, Miroku, and Ranma.]   
  
***   
  
The five gathered at a tree out on the lawn, only to be quickly joined by an infatuated Minako.   
  
[Hail good sir Lancelot! Would thou be willing to accompany me for lunch? Let's go over there!] Minako was already trying to drag Lancelot off alone to another area when she heard a familiar voice.   
  
"Good to see you too, Minako," ejected a very upset Miroku. He did not have a chance to speak any more though, before a flood of students (mostly girls) rushed to surround the dimensional travellers. Minako smiled, and took this time to drag Lancelot away.   
  
"Yuu! Please try the lunch I prepared especially for you!"   
  
"Hey, I'm your boyfriend here, isn't that supposed to be for me?"   
  
"You've been traded in!"   
  
"Ranma, what do you like to do? I'm sure we have a lot in common!"   
  
"No, get away, you hussy! Ranma needs a mature woman like me!"   
  
"Yuu! You're so beautiful! Can I please be friends with you?"   
  
"Hey, I'm a model! Maybe I can get you a job and then we can work together?"   
  
"Ah! Minako's trying to steal Lancelot! After them!"   
  
Cherry and Miroku, though in themselves decently good-looking, found themselves being easily outshadowed by Lancelot, Ranma, and Yuu. Cherry just smiled good-naturedly, as if there was nothing wrong with this, but Miroku found this situation to be more than a bit upsetting. Fortunately though, with so many girls cramped in tight space around the group, he could easily cop feels and get away with it--that served to cheer him up considerably.   
  
"Ah..." Ranma was starting to feel *very* frightened by the large ranks of girls surrounding him. He was even cringing, since he had long since in Nerima been conditioned to expect a mallet to the head when surrounded by women. Suddenly, a ray of hope shone in his peripheral vision. 'Ami-chan! There she is, with only a few friends by that tree.'   
  
Ranma leapt above the tightening circular cordon of girls, and landed about a foot away from where Ami was sitting, covering some thirty feet in a single jump. Ami eeped in surprised response.   
  
"Oops. Sorry, didn't mean to startle you."   
  
'Hm! Mina-chan might have gotten her hands on a good-looking boy, but Ranma here is no less cute! And he looks like he's a great martial artist too!' thought Makoto as she eyed the new student hungrily. 'This one is MINE!'   
  
"Hi, Ranma! I'm Makoto; call me Mako-chan. Say, have we met before?"   
  
Ranma was starting to get uncomfortable, fearing that she recognized the uncanny resemblance between him and 'Ranko,' when Makoto continued.   
  
"You look a lot like my..."   
  
"Old sempai," chorused everyone in the vicinity, before returning to whatever they were doing.   
  
Makoto cringed. 'I haven't used that pick-up line *that* often, have I?'   
  
"Uh, I don't think I was ever your sempai, since we're in the same grade and all." Ranma turned to Ami. "Hi, Ami-chan. Um... letshavelunchtogether?"   
  
Makoto blinked, and tried to figure out what Ranma just said. Fortunately, she was used to doing this, thanks to Usagi. Then her eyes widened. 'What!? I'm being passed up for the bookworm!? Is there no justice in this world?' Resolving not to lose Ranma to the asexual Senshi of Water, Makoto forced a cheerful smile and said, "Sure! Ami, Minako, Usagi and I always eat lunch together. Well, unless Mina-chan's chasing after some boy like your friend Lancelot. You're welcome to join us."   
  
Usagi finally recovered from the shock of seeing Ranma's superhuman leap. Walking towards Ranma to get a closer look, "Wow are you human? How did you jump like... Oops!"   
  
Usagi tripped over an exposed tree root. That would not have been so bad, except she was carrying a canned drink, and walking towards Ranma.   
  
Ranma gasped as the cold liquid approached him. A martial artist of his caliber really should have been able to dodge it, but because his mind had been in use trying to make a good second impression on Ami, he was akin to a deer caught in headlights, and froze.   
  
Ami also gasped, as she realized that would cause Ranma's curse to be revealed, but she was powerless to do anything about it, when suddenly...   
  
A large broadsword slashed downward, and deflected some of the drink. Lancelot had remembered being shocked at Ranma's transformation, but agreed to keep it a secret for his good friend Sir Ranma. Knights take their duties very seriously, especially so when the knight is question is Lancelot, the most valiant of the Round Table. Unfortunately, as large as the blade of Joyeaux was, it wasn't large enough to block all of the soft drink, and the remainder continued zoom toward Ranma.   
  
The next line of defense was Miroku, who launched his arm forward to try to intercept the liquid with his sleeve. Again, some small amount of liquid passed through.   
  
The remainder that passed through the first two lines of defenses seemed to hit some invisible wall two inches in front of Ranma, and bounced off. Cherry, some distance away, had drawn a circle with his fingers milliseconds earlier, and pointed to Ranma. He dismissed the force shield after the immediate danger passed. Those things were horrendously tiring to maintain, especially if invisible.   
  
Ami blinked. Makoto blinked. Usagi blinked. Minako blinked. And the rest of the student body blinked. Wow, that had been real.   
  
"Wow, is Ranma the twisted demon of the South or something?" commented Minako.   
  
"Um, that's wicked witch of the west," said Makoto, though she was really starting to wonder herself.   
  
"Um... hehe... I guess I just don't like being splashed with water much," offered Ranma sheepishly, as his friends slowly walked away.   
  
***   
  
"Psst... Ami-chan!"   
  
"Yes, Ran-chan?"   
  
"What's for PE today? It's not swimming, is it?"   
  
"No, we're on basketball now."   
  
"Oh good."   
  
And indeed it was, at least for Ranma, as his Anything Goes Aerial Martial Arts kicked into play, and scoring baskets (even from the 3-point line) became child's play. Yuu and Lancelot were assigned to the other side, and while Yuu was a decent player, and scored a fair number of points, it was offset and more by Lancelot's ignorance of the game. Lancelot set a new record for number of fouls in a single high school basketball game at fifty-three, and also a new record for number of different basketballs the team had to use, since twelve balls deflated when the impacted his spiked guantlets.   
  
***   
  
As the school day ended, Ranma suddenly remembered the last schoolday he had in Juuban. "Hey! Ami-chan, Usagi, Makoto! You girls wanna join me and my friends for ice cream?"   
  
"Yay! You're great, Ranma-kun! Let's all go for ice cream!" declared Usagi happily. "I'll call up Rei-chan and have her meet us there!"   
  
Ami smiled and nodded. Normally she wasn't one to indulge Usagi in her sweets addiction, but it was Ranma who suggested, and she did owe him from last time.   
  
Yuu raised an eyebrow at the name 'Rei-chan,' but figured Juuban was a large city, and there were probably tens of thousands of teenage girls named Rei. What are the chances?   
  
[Lancey, Ranma was just saying that we're going to grab some snacks,] explained Cherry. Tossing a look at Ranma, and betting that Ranma didn't know English well enough, Cherry continued with a chuckle. [I think Ranma is staking his claim on the blue-haired one. They do look cute together, don't you think?]   
  
Lancelot turned to the mentioned pair, and saw Ami walking with her head staring down at the ground with a small rosy tinge on her cheeks, and Ranma scratching his head furiously and stammering in conversation. [Verily, I agree.]   
  
A vein on Makoto's forehead throbbed as she listened to Cherry's dialogue with Lancelot. She wasn't great at English, but picked up enough to realize their general meaning. Her only comfort was that Lancelot also seemed to be busy dodging Minako's glomps.   
  
"Oh yeah," Yuu fumbled in his pockets out his produced several clips of money. "I was the one managing our finances in Britain. I converted most of our money to yen, so here's each of your shares."   
  
Yuu continued as he distributed the money, "It's comes out to be about a hundred and twenty thousand yen each. We probably should visit the bank after ice cream. We should also find jobs here at some point; that money won't last forever." [Lancelot, here is some local money. Try not to spend it without one of us around, because otherwise you may be cheated by villains.]   
  
Usagi stared with wide eyes, dreaming how much ice cream that much money would buy.   
  
[How much coin should I give you for that money, good sir Yuu?]   
  
[Oh don't worry about...] Yuu then remembered something. [Lancelot, have much money do you have on you?]   
  
[A decent amount. About four hundred talents.]   
  
'Four hundred talents, so about forty ounces of gold. A bit over a million yen.' Yuu leaned over and whispered into Lancelot's ear. [Lancelot, it may be wise not to ever show anyone else your Camelot money. It is worth substantially more in our world. The money I gave you should last a while.]   
  
***   
  
[This is... very cold,] commented Lancelot as he bit into his vanilla ice cream cone. [And sweet. I've never had anything quite like it. I like it!]   
  
[Hey, Lance! You want a lick of mine?] asked Minako in a seductive voice as she proffered her chocolate ice cream cone.   
  
Lancelot briefly wondered if this would be a breach of decorum, before agreeing when he saw two bystanders trading bites of ice cream. Miroku fumed on.   
  
"You look like one stricken with a very unlucky affliction, Miroku. You look like you're jealous."   
  
"It's not so much Minako in general, Cherry. I just need a woman to bear my child before I die. I told you about my Kazaana, didn't I?"   
  
"I don't think it's that," Cherry replied. "I mean, if all you wanted was a woman to bear your child, I could easily arrange for that. No, I think... urk..."   
  
Cherry found himself unable to continue as Miroku had prostrated himself, hugging Cherry's legs while begging, "Oh please! I'll do anything for you, if you'll just summon a cute one for me!"   
  
Cherry sweated profusely. "Um, that's not what I meant. The priest we we're staying with seems to want to set you up with his grand-daughter."   
  
"Oh." Miroku picked himself up to conserve what shreds of dignity he had, when the said priest's grand-daughter walked into the ice cream store to join her friends.   
  
Rei ordered her ice cream while Yuu laughed at Miroku, both oblivious to each other's presence. It would have been a perfectly peaceful afternoon, except for the actions of one Usagi Tsukino.   
  
Finishing her ice cream first (since Ranma was heavily distracted by Ami), Usagi quickly scouted the group of friends, and saw Yuu to have the largest remaining amount of ice cream.   
  
Usagi quickly approached her target and said in one of her cutest voices, "Um... if you're not going to eat all that, could I have some of it?"   
  
Yuu stopped laughing at Miroku to turn his attention to Usagi. "Sorry, Meatball-head." After taking another small bite, so that more than half his ice cream still remained, Yuu tossed it overhand neatly into the trash can. "If I had given you that, your tummy would have become one big meatball too."   
  
"Wah!!! You're so mean! Yuu, you're as bad as Rei!"   
  
That brought Yuu and Rei's attentions to each other. Yuu immediately jumped out the nearest windows and started running. Rei was about to chase after him when five Sailor Scout communicators simultaneously went off.   
  
"Uh-oh... sorrywegottagonicetomeetyouallseeyouinschooltomorrow!" yelled Usagi as she scampered away.   
  
"Ran-chan? We have to go."   
  
Ranma nodded in understanding. "Good luck, Ami-chan. See you tomorrow."   
  
--End Chapter 6-- 


	7. Dragon

  
  
-+- Standard Disclaimer -+-   
  
The characters depicted in this story are not mine. Sue me and you get nada, cuz that's how much I own. Blah.   
  
-+- End of Disclaimer -+-   
  
Unlikely Companions   
  
A fiction novella by Dave Zhang (dzhang@its.caltech.edu). Comments and criticisms welcomed. Copyright 2003.  
  
  
[This text is in English.] "This text is spoken." 'This text is thought.'   
Chapter 7: Dragon   
  
When Ranma, Cherry, Miroku, and Lancelot returned to Cherry Hill Temple, they found their host fixed in front of the television, so they joined him in watching what appeared to be the news channel:   
  
"Again, we are reporting live from the scene of action at the intersection of Easy Street and Luck Avenue, where a large multi-colored dragon has appeared out of seeming nowhere half an hour ago. Our heroes, the Sailor Scouts, have appeared fifteen minutes ago to battle this monstrosity, but..."   
  
At this moment, the dragon breathed out ice shards, nullifying Sailor Mars's Flame arrow attack, and impaling Mars in several areas with the ice shards.   
  
"...the tides of the battle seem to be against the Sailor Scouts. We have not seen a monster this tough since two months ago. We can only wonder when Tuxedo Kamen will arrive as reinforcement."   
  
As if on cue, a metal rose flew from a nearby building directly towards the dragon's neck. Unfortunately, it bounced ineffectually off the dragon's thick metallic hide. It did serve as distraction though, as the dragon momentarily forgot about the Sailor Scouts to attack the new target.   
  
Tuxedo Kamen jumped off the building just in time, narrowing dodging the dragon's darkness breath. The dragon, seeing an opportunity, immediately dashed forward with a speed that belies its hefty size, and clawed the masked hero.   
  
"Ouch... looks like Tuxedo Kamen will need a new Tuxedo after this bout. Things are definitely looking glum, but from past experience we suspect that additional reinforcements may arrive in the forms of Sailor Uranus, Neptune, and Saturn, but they better arrive soon or else the Sailor Mercury and Sailor Venus may be in trouble."   
  
The image shifted to Mercury and Venus, each of whom had several large gashes that bled profusely.   
  
"Ami-chan!" "Minako!"   
  
Ranma turned to the Hino. "Hey, old man! How do you get to that place? Tell me fast!"   
  
"You just go straight down Cherry Street, and it intersects Luck Avenue. Make a left, and you'll hit Easy Street pretty soon."   
  
Ranma and Miroku dashed out the door. Lancelot, not really understanding anything, decided that he should follow, and ran after them.   
  
Cherry smirked, and calmly asked his host for a map.   
  
***   
  
Cherry arrived on the scene first, with judicious use of a teleport spell, but decided he'd let the others handle the dragon if possible. After all, being a hero is conducive to having obsessive women after you, and that was something Cherry had learned over the years not to do.   
  
Ranma arrived next, leaping over several roofs at a time. Surveying the scene, he quickly found the location of the fallen Sailor Mercury, and dashed to her side.   
  
"Ami-chan! Ami-chan! Are you all right? Pull yourself together!"   
  
"Ran..." Ami paused for a moment, before continuing in a whisper. "Ran-chan! You're not supposed to recognize me in this form. "   
  
Ranma looked in horror as Ami coughed up some blood. Then he gently laid her down onto the ground again. There would be vengeance to pay for anyone who hurt his friend.   
  
***   
  
When Miroku arrived a couple minutes later, Ranma was already mixing it up with the multi-hued dragon. Most of the Scouts were already out of commision even before Ranma arrived, and only Jupiter was really strong enough to actually aid the battle, and even then not very much, as the dragon had very strong lightning resistance.   
  
"Argh! I'm going to shove this rose up your ass when I'm done, Tux-boy!" screamed Ranma as a fourth steel rose hit him instead of the dragon. "Are you too dumb to realize you're not doing damage even if you hit the right target!?"   
  
Ranma was doing damage to the dragon with his ki-blasts and chestnut-fist. The dragon was doing more damage to Ranma with its elemental breathes and claws. Ranma continued attacking, ignoring the wounds. Miroku leaped into action with his staff.   
  
After fighting some minutes, Miroku realized that he and Ranma would probably be able to win, but with Ranma's suicidal attacks, Ranma may not live to enjoy the victory. Deciding that this outcome is not favorable, and that the present danger warranted use of Kazaana, Miroku leapt back and yelled for Ranma to do the same.   
  
Ranma understood, and also backed off. But before Miroku could unleash his ultimate attack, Lancelot arrived on the scene, and charged straight toward the dragon, brandishing Joyeaux.   
  
"No!! Come back Lancelot!" Miroku cursed to himself that neither he nor Ranma knew English, as he and Ranma rejoined the battle.   
  
He and Ranma quickly noticed though, that the sword was very effective that deflecting the dragon's elemental attacks, and also seemed to be the only thing that actually was capable of piercing the dragon's metallic hide.   
  
Ranma also realized that while he had been doing damage to the dragon, as seen from the stun following certain attacks, it was nowhere near as effective as Lancelot's strikes which were quickly tearing open large wounds in the dragon's skin, and causing its black blood to flow. And thus, though he was reluctant to play second fiddle, Ranma shouted to Miroku to divert the dragon's attention to allow Lancelot openings with which to deal critical hits.   
  
The opportunity arose about a minute later, and Lancelot fiercely thrusted the length of Joyeaux's blade into the dragon's neck. After another few dying attempts at clawing his enemies, life left the thirty-foot long body of the dragon.   
  
Immediately, the three heroes collapsed to the floor, gasping for breath and tending to their wounds. Ranma then suddenly remembered Ami, and sped to her side. "Ami-chan, are you hurt?"   
  
Ami weakly nodded, "I'll be fine." The fact that she was massively bleeding from four large wounds served to undermine Ranma's belief in her words. 'Look at those wounds!! She can't possibly survive this...'   
  
"Ami!" cried Ranma as he encircled his arms around her in a tight embrace. Normally, Ranma wouldn't be caught dead hugging a girl like this, but Ami was his friend, and now she was dying, or so Ranma thought. "I knew I should have followed you! Maybe if I was with you from the start, we could have beaten this monster together. Ami, don't die on me, please!"   
  
Cherry, still watching this scene from a bit away, wondered if he should present himself at this point to heal the girl, but decided he could wait a little longer.   
  
Ami blushed at Ranma's long-lasting hug, having never physically contact a member of the opposite sex in this way. Actually, none of the same either. Moments later, she shyly returned the embrace.   
  
"Just let me hold you like this until you pass on..." whimpered Ranma as he shed tears freely.   
  
Mars, who had recovered by now, walked up to Ranma and knocked him on the head, "As romantic as that sounds, you loonie, that's not gonna happen, because Mercury isn't going to die any time soon."   
  
"Huh?" Ranma broke the hug to observe Ami's form. Indeed, the four large wounds were much smaller now, and with every passing moment Ami's strength seemed to be returning.   
  
"Eep!" Ranma backpedalled at top speed until he had his back to a wall some fifteen feet away. "Ah, sorry about hugging you like that, Ami."   
  
Sailor Jupiter groaned and lamented that the fact that she wasn't the one to get seriously hurt instead of Ami.   
  
[Wow! That sword of yours is really something!] proclaimed Sailor Venus, as she leaned on the knight's shoulder.   
  
[Indeed. Joyeaux is powerfully enchanted with many magics, and is especially strong against dragons, giants and the like.]   
  
Venus was on Cloud Nine. 'Wow, he's not pushing me away right now, and he's so gorgeous, AND he's a much better ally than Mamoru. Truly a knight in shining armor. It's perfect!'   
  
Miroku, in the meantime, was even more miffed that not only did Lancelot steal his glory by preventing his using Kazaana, this also led to Minako (whom only he recognized) idolizing Lancelot even more.   
  
[Pray tell, fair maiden, what is thy name? Have we met before?]   
  
[I'm Sailor Venus, pretty suited Defender of Love and Justice!] She then paused, and looked to Ami. "Ami, you already told them our civilian identities?"   
  
Ami shook her head. "No, Ranma saw me transforming, that's why he knows. Should we...?"   
  
"Maybe we should discuss this with Luna and Artemis?"   
  
"Good call, Sailor Moon." Sailor Mars frowned. "Boy, I never thought I'd ever say that"   
  
***   
  
When it became apparent that Ranma, Lancelot, and Miroku were heading to the Cherry Hill Temple, the Sailor Senshi decided to meet at Minako's place.   
  
"I'm in love!"   
  
"Oh wow," said Artemis blandly. "I only hear that once a week."   
  
"He's a knight in shining armor! And he helped us destroy that dragon monster."   
  
That caught Luna's attention. "He helped you destroy a monster?"   
  
"Well, actually Lancelot, Ranma, and Miroku did most of the destroying," Ami pointed out. "We were kinda useless this time."   
  
The rest of the Senshi glared at her for downplaying their role, even if the assessment was fairly accurate.   
  
"Oh? And what about Endymion?"   
  
"That fool was less than useless, actually. He hit Ranma several times with the roses, and I think Ranma, at least, seriously dislikes him for that now."   
  
"Wah! Rei, you're so mean! Mamo-chan is just trying to help."   
  
"Emphasis on trying," noted Makoto, who still found herself unable to concede to Ami.   
  
"What did they look like? Do any of you remember them from the Silver Milleneum?"   
  
"Oh, I'm just sure that Lance-chan was my boyfriend back then!"   
  
Since Ranma had told her last time his personal life story, including dimensional travel, Ami was pretty sure they weren't. However, she wisely decided not to mention it, remembering their feline advisors' normal reactions to 'outsiders' partaking in Sailor business.   
  
"Careful," Luna remonstrated. "Even those who were closest to you back then may have been turned to evil by now." Ami was even more convinced her decision to keep quiet was correct.   
  
"In any case, we should start having dreams about them soon, right? And then all will be clear, and Lance-chan and I can continue our love where we left off!"   
  
"Anyway, onto the real problem. Ranma knows Ami's identity because he saw her change a while ago. I don't think he or any of the others know of the rest of our identities, but they may figure it out. What should we do?"   
  
"Hm... well it would be best if he was part of the Silver Milleneum, and is on our side. If that's the case we don't have anything to worry about," said Luna, with a glint of darkness. "Otherwise... someone should go make sure he doesn't talk."   
  
"Hey," said Rei. "Do any of you guys know Yuu? He seemed to be friends with Miroku and Lancelot and Ranma."   
  
Makoto raised an eyebrow as she remembered the scene of Yuu frantically fleeing from the ice cream shop. "Yeah, he showed up as a new student today along with the others. Do you have a vendetta against him or something?"   
  
"He's goes to Juuban High?" A plan started forming in Rei's mind.   
  
***   
  
Yuu, after noticing that the bane of his existence had stopped chasing him rather quickly, wandered the streets of Juuban to shop for a bit for himself and for his friends. After buying thirty sets of spare clothes and ten pairs of shoes, Yuu noticed a cell phone store, and bought five cell phones. Finally, remembering the reason he had fatefully encountered the drunk girl in the first place two months ago, he bought one last item--a set of earplugs so he can ignore Ranma's loud snoring. Over the course of the past two months in Camelot, Yuu had began to learn to tolerate that infernal noise, but he figured he should have the earplugs ready just in case.   
  
Next, he went at bought personal hygiene products--toothbrushes, towels, etc. Lancelot really should shower.   
  
With the shopping done, Yuu returned to the Cherry Hill Temple just as his companions were. Yuu duly noted that Ranma, Miroku, and Lancelot seem to be slightly wounded. Yuu quickly distributed the items, and explained how to use cell phones to everyone, before collecting reimbursement from each. He specifically noted to them that they shouldn't give out their cell phone number unless they wanted to be constantly pestered.   
  
Yuu then asked for the story of why they were so battered, and Ranma told him. Miroku decided to add in the scene of Ranma hugging Ami that Ranma had consciously omitted. Then, by unanimous consent, the group trotted to the kitchen to fix up a meal. Ranma and Yuu were the best cooks, and thus did the main work in preparing the meal. On the other hand, Lancelot, who was used to eating raw pork from freshly slaughtered boars, was relegated the task of chopping vegetables.   
  
Lancelot took his duty a little too seriously, as he turned carrots and potatoes and vegetables into fine powders with only a kitchen knife.   
  
The meal still tasted good enough, and the companions ate with Grandpa Hino until they were stuffed, before the five went to their room. Ranma, Lancelot, and Miroku immediately collapsed and drifted into dreamland.   
  
Cherry repeated the story of his experiences in Camelot in more detail to Yuu, and then asked if Yuu wished to learn.   
  
"After all," Cherry chuckled, "I have to try all my spells at least once to see if the genie cheated me. I'll show you the spells ordered by school, and then you can tell me what you want to start with."   
  
Yuu nodded, and the two headed out to the nearest abandoned lot, for Cherry demonstrate his hundreds of spells. Of course, Yuu didn't get to see the uber-powerful ones because Cherry didn't have enough mana to cast all of them once, but he got a good idea of the range of spells available.   
  
"I'll go with the Life school, since between Miroku, Ranma, and Lancelot, they probably have the destruction parts all down. It'd be nice to have an extra healer when we need it though."   
  
***   
  
"Grandpa, I'm home!" shouted Rei as she walked into the temple. "Sorry I'm so late; you must be starved. I'll get cooking right away."   
  
"Ah, Rei. I have five new lodgers," said Grandpa Hino. "They cooked already. We left some for you."   
  
"Lodgers? Where are they?"   
  
"They're sleeping in the guest room."   
  
Rei quickly dashed there, to see snoozing forms of Ranma, Lancelot (still in his armor), and Miroku. "It's them!"   
  
"Eh? You know them?"   
  
"Er..." Rei thought quickly and came up with a plausible response. "I saw them on TV fighting the dragon monster."   
  
"Indeed," Grandpa nodded. "I wonder where the other two went though."   
  
"Anyway, Grandpa, I need to talk to you about something after I eat," said Rei as she walked back to the dining room.   
  
After microwaving the leftovers, she took out a pair of chopsticks and hesitantly put some of the food in her mouth, expecting it to be at most barely edible. Her eyes widened as she tasted the first morsels. "Hey! This is pretty good!" Rei quickly finished the rest of her meal.   
  
"Ok, Grandpa," said Rei as she wiped her mouth. "I want to transfer to Juuban High."   
  
"Eh? Why? What's wrong with T&A girl's academy?"   
  
"All of my friends go to Juuban High! I want to be around Ami and Usagi and Makoto and Minako."   
  
"You've been good friends with them for several years now, but all this time you've still being going to T&A."   
  
"Yes, and I hated it!"   
  
The conversation carried on into the night.   
  
***   
  
Yuu groaned as he opened his eyes to see Ranma shaking him awake. "Hey, up and at 'em! We gotta train."   
  
Yuu turned to look at the clock. Five in the morning. He had gotten all of four hours of sleep since he and Cherry returned. He knew better than try to convince Ranma he needed more sleep though--Ranma would return with a bucket of water as enforcer a minute later.   
  
Ranma then turned to try to drag Cherry along as well, but Cherry insisted firmly, if somewhat groggily, that he wasn't a martial artist and thus morning training was unnecessary.   
  
And so Yuu grudgingly got up and brushed his teeth, noting with some amusement that Miroku was trying to communicate to Lancelot how to shower using hand gestures. Yuu decided he'd spare Miroku the agony for today, and explained to Lancelot in English what Miroku was trying to explain.   
  
After eating a hasty breakfast, the four of them then left for a local park to squeeze in two and a half hours of training. After the standard stretching and warmup exercises, the group paired up for sparring, with Ranma against Lancelot and Yuu against Miroku. Lancelot used a freshly chopped tree branch as his weapon instead of Joyeaux to fight Ranma, and soon found himself clearly outmatched by Ranma's superior speed and skill. The match between Miroku and Yuu was even more one-sided, as Ranma insisted that Yuu learn unarmed combat, and thus Miroku had a substantial advantantial advantage in reach, as well as the already present gap in skill.   
  
***   
  
"Go on ahead, guys. I'm going to go and pick up lunches for us," said Yuu.   
  
The other nodded and jogged off. As soon as they left plain sight, Yuu collapsed to the floor. 'I'll just close my eyes and rest here for five minutes.'   
  
When he woke up, Yuu realized he must have been asleep for half an hour at least, judging by the position of the sun in the sky.   
  
'Well, I'm late already, so there's no need to rush.' Yuu calmly walked over to the closest fast-food place and ordered five take-out lunches. As he waited for the food to be prepared, he turned to the street and saw a wave of younger children dressed in school uniform walk by.   
  
When his orders were finally completely, the wave of children had passed by, so that the street was mostly empty again. As he absentmindedly walked toward the high school, he considered the two different forms of training that his fellow travelers had imposed upon him. Magic and martial arts. Admittedly, he would be the most useless one of the five in a fight right now, but was there really any need for him to improve? After all, with Cherry's three hundred and seventy-seven wishes granted by the genie, Cherry should be able to handle any extenuating circumstances.   
  
Fitness reasons? Possibly, but Yuu tended to suspect 'sparring' with Miroku tended to make him more tired rather than more energetic. But still, he gave Ranma his word that he'd train with him, and now he's being held to it.   
  
What about magic though? Cherry just dragged him off last night and immediately began demonstrating spells and teaching him by rote the basic theories behind magic. It was interesting enough, but if Cherry was like Ranma at all, then Yuu could forgot about any chance of sleeping before 1am tonight as well. And the tomorrow. And for every day that Yuu is around Cherry.   
  
'What have I gotten myself into?' Yuu sighed. 'Well, at least the healing stuff Cherry was teaching me isn't too bad.'   
  
Yuu raised his free hand, palm up, near his face, and started concentrating on it, just as he was trained the night before. Slowly, a few tendrils of green energy hesitantly rose from his palm, only to dissipate a couple centimeters above it. The lowest level healing spell, but it definitely magic.   
  
'I get the feeling he's going to want to teach me how to throw around fireballs soon though.' Yuu, for his part, for be perfectly happy to specialize in healing and Life magic, and let the other four dish out damage.   
  
'Damn it, what the Hell possessed me to take up martial arts with Ranma anyway?' And then he remembered. 'Miki... I was trying to forget her...' Thinking back, Yuu realized quickly that it *had* worked... there was no time in Camelot when he wasn't eating, sleeping, or training, and consequently he didn't think of his half-sister at all.   
  
Shouts and a muffled cry from a nearby alley brought Yuu out of his reverie. When he turned into the alley, Yuu saw several young boys dressed in elementary school uniforms brutally beating a similarly dressed girl. One of them even had a small baseball bat and was viciously slamming it to her chest.   
  
Yuu quickly put down the food he was holding, and ran toward the group. He caught the bat as the boy swung it backward, held it still. "Shouldn't you boys be in school? A reform one perhaps?"   
  
"Beat it! This girl is a FREAK! She deserves to be picked on!"   
  
"You look a little freakish yourself. Maybe you should go before I decide you deserve to be picked on."   
  
The boys, four in all, paused in their attacking the girl to gaze at the newcomer, and evaluated him. Yuu was much older than them, by five or six years at least, and much bigger too. He did, however, look a bit bishonen, and therefore weak. On the other hand, he did grasp the only weapon on the scene, and a big boy with a bat may be hazardous to their health. Finally, the boy holding the bat said, "Come on! Let's get out of here. We got her lunch money already, we can beat her up some other time!"   
  
Yuu released his grip on the bat, and the four of them scurried away. Yuu then knelt down to check on the battered figure of the girl. She sported a bloody lip, a medium sized bruise across her cheek, several bruises on her thighs, and from the way Yuu watched the boys club her, probably also has subtantial damage in the torso area.   
  
"Thank you," the girl whimpered as she tried to get up, before falling down again in pain.   
  
"No, sit down, you're still hurt." said Yuu. 'I could take her to a hospital, but that might be pretty expensive. But Cherry did tell me not to use magic too openly... oh screw it! I'm healing her.'   
  
After checking once to make sure that wasn't anyone staring at them, Yuu told the girl, "You're really hurt, so I'm going to try to help you. Don't be surprised, and don't move, all right?"   
  
The girl nodded. Yuu closed his eyes as he brought both his hands, palms up, to the height of the girl's face level. Concentrating intensely, tendrils of green energy flowed upward to five centimeters above his hand before dissipating. Yuu heard the girl gasp, but continued.   
  
Opening his eyes, he placed one hand over the girl's bruised cheek, and the other over the girl's mouth. After a bit, Yuu removed his hands, and was delighted to see that those wounds had faded away. The girl continued staring at him in awe.   
  
"Ok, we're going to do the same thing for your legs now." Yuu casted the basic Heal basic again, and removed the bruises from her legs.   
  
Yuu then put his hand to the girl's ribs, and she squealed in pain. Yuu frowned. "I think you may have a broken rib. I'm going to try like before, but it'll probably take longer, and it might hurt a little, OK?"   
  
***   
  
Out in the streets, Haruka Tenou was running by, after hearing from Michiru that Hotaru had been picked on several times recently. Upon not finding Hotaru on the street, Haruka was thinking that perhaps Michiru was exaggerating when she heard Hotaru's cry of pain from an alley not too far away. She rushed into the alley, to see an eighteen-year-old boy with both his hands on Hotaru's chest, and Hotaru looking pained.   
  
Haruka immediately saw red, and backfisted the boy into the nearest wall. Before Yuu had a chance to recover, Haruka rushed up to him again, kicking his downed form, and stomping on his stomach. Seeing the boy go unconscious appeased Haruka somewhat, and she kicked him only about twenty more times after that, before returning to her adopted daughter.   
  
"Haruka-papa, I..."   
  
"Sh... Hotaru-chan, it's OK, don't say anything. Let's just go home. I'll call you in sick today."   
  
"No, but that boy..." Hotaru wanted to cry. He was helping her, but Haruka-papa came in at just the wrong time.   
  
Haruka, of course, misunderstood the tears forming in Hotaru's eyes. "Scum like him should die! If I ever see him again doing something like that, I'll pulling out the Space Sword!"   
  
"But he was..."   
  
"No more. Hotaru, I know you're upset, but I can't just kill him for that. Let's go home."   
  
Hotaru was extremely frustrated. Haruka-papa wasn't being understanding. How could she let Haruka know that he was a nice boy trying to help her?   
  
And then Hotaru froze in her thoughts. 'Maybe Haruka-papa knew. Maybe that's why she was beating up the boy so badly, because she saw him with the healing power? Everybody at my school picks on me and calls me a freak because of my powers, so maybe Haruka-papa was picking on the boy because of his powers? Haruka-papa is papa, so she doesn't pick on me, but she picks on other people with these powers?' Hotaru abruptly stopped trying to interrupt Haruka, and followed her home in silence.   
  
--End Chapter 7--   
  
// Yeesh, I don't like Tux-boy, if none of y'all's figured it out yet.   
  
// Scorecard:  
// Martial Arts Ranking:  
// Ranma > Lancelot > Miroku > Senshi > Yuu  
  
  
// Magic:  
// Cherry > Senshi > Miroku > Lancelot > Ranma  
  
  
// Specials:  
// Miroku > Lancelot > Ranma  



	8. Charges

  
  
-+- Standard Disclaimer -+-   
  
The characters depicted in this story are not mine. Sue me and you get nada, cuz that's how much I own. Blah.   
  
-+- End of Disclaimer -+-   
  
Unlikely Companions   
  
A fiction novella by Dave Zhang (dzhang@its.caltech.edu). Comments and criticisms welcomed. Copyright 2003.  
  
  
[This text is in English.] "This text is spoken." 'This text is thought.'   
Chapter 8: Charges   
  
Hotaru waited for an hour at home after Haruka left to make sure that Haruka really left, before sneaking out again. She returned to the alley to see the unconscious Yuu exactly where they left him.   
  
She was about to reach her hand out to use her powers to heal him, before she remembered that her Haruka-papa caught him using his powers here, so maybe there were other people around who would beat her up if they saw her using her powers. So instead she gently shook Yuu awake.   
  
"I'm so sorry about that. We should get you somewhere where you can rest. Do you have any idea where to go? I'll help you there."   
  
Yuu, being very much still dazed from Haruka's attacks, thought about this. 'I don't want to have to spend money on hospital, but I don't have enough mana left to heal myself. I really should go somewhere and rest up. The temple? It might get busy and loud during the day. Ah, I'll just go where I usually go to avoid banes of my existence.'   
  
And thus he and Hotaru headed to the Fuji Love Motel, and checked into his usual room, 503. As Hotaru helped Yuu up the stairs, the manager shook his head and muttered inaudibly to himself, as he reached for the phone. "Sorry to do this to you, kid. Even if it's consensual, that girl is way too young."   
  
***   
  
Yuu collapsed onto the bed immediately upon entering the room. Hotaru closed the door behind them and locked it. Then, turning to face Yuu, Hotaru said, "I'm sorry about getting you beat up like that..."   
  
She then broke into a soft cry. "I'm so sorry... it's all my fault. If it wasn't for me, then you wouldn't have had to heal me, and then Haruka-papa wouldn't have seen you use your powers and beat you up."   
  
Yuu groaned in response; many of his body parts were still aching.   
  
Hotaru continued crying as she tried to think. 'I should use my powers to heal him. That's the least I should do. But... but what if he thinks I'm a freak and hates me because of my powers? Everyone seems to hate people with healing powers, even Haruka-papa. What if he does too?'   
  
'But... he has those powers, and I don't hate him. Maybe it's because I have these powers too, so I understand? So maybe he will understand too.' Hotaru stepped forward, ready to heal him, because uncertainty struck again. 'But what if he doesn't? He seems to like me still, but if I use my powers then maybe he'll hate me.'   
  
As Hotaru continued vacillating, Yuu groaned again in pain as he shifted positions on the bed.   
  
'I... I don't care. The least I could do is help him, since he helped me, and then got hurt because of me.' Steeling herself, Hotaru walked up for the bed and took off Yuu's shirt and pants, leaving him in underwear, so that she could see where he needed to be healed. She blushed slightly as she wiped away her tears, and reached out to heal him.   
  
***   
  
Police stormed the room some ten minutes later, and bashed down the door when no one responded. Inside, they found a fully healed nearly naked eighteen-year-old Yuu sleeping contently on the bed, beside a thirteen-year-old Hotaru who was also sleeping, but clearly showed signs of recently crying. Additionally, there was the smeared blood on the mattress (from Yuu's wounds from before Hotaru healed him). Open and shut case.   
  
They slapped Yuu awake after handcuffing him, and beat him repeatedly on their way to the station, while a female member of the police drove the sleeping Hotaru to the trauma unit of the nearest hospital.   
  
***   
  
"What the hell!? Why do the police always catch me and think I've done something bad, and then throw me into this damn prison without letting me explain!? Can't they go and catch real criminals?"   
  
Four figured loomed over him. One clenched his fists and popped his knuckles. "You want them to catch our buddies? Kid, you got a death wish."   
  
***   
  
"Ah, that brightened my day considerably." Yuu kicked one of his four downed cell-mates again in the ribs. "Thanks guys."   
  
He didn't really know how, but found most of his wounds were cured when he got thrown in jail. Funny, he didn't remember healing himself. In any case, he quickly put the martial arts skills he gained in the past two months to good use against the four, and easily beat them to a pulp.   
  
'I should have been able to beat up that jerk who jumped me too, except I was focusing on healing the girl, and he caught me off guard. Next time I run into him though, I'm gonna dish out some serious Anything-Goes kick-ass.' Yuu shook his head. 'I've been talking to Ranma way too much.'   
  
***   
  
"Hey, Ami-chan," whispered Rei. "Where's Yuu? I thought you said he goes to here for school?"   
  
"Maybe he's avoiding you," smirked Minako. "Looks like Rei's hit with unrequested love."   
  
"Um, Mina-chan? That's unrequited love," pointed out Ami.   
  
"IT'S NOT UNREQUITED LOVE!" shouted Rei, before remembering she was supposed to be whispering. When the whole class turned to look at her, Rei's cheeks turned a delightful shade of crimson as she tittered nervously, before burying her nose in a book. Class then continued.   
  
"I'm just trying to find him so I can apologize," whispered Rei.   
  
Makoto raised an eyebrow. "You transferred to our school just to apologize to him?"   
  
"Yes! I mean no! I transferred so I can hang out with you guys."   
  
Minako patted Rei on the shoulder condescendingly. "It's definitely unrequited love."   
  
"That's so cute! Rei-chan followed her boyfriend here to this school! Too bad Mamo-chan is in college already."   
  
"Usagi? Unrequited love means he doesn't really like Rei like that, so they're not dating."   
  
"Oh. We should go punish him for playing with Rei's heart then!"   
  
The four other Inner Senshi sweated. "Um... that's probably going to make him like Rei even less. Rei-chan wouldn't like that."   
  
Rei had turned beet-red by this point. "It's not like that! I just want to be friends with him, after getting off on the wrong foot. So Ami, where is Yuu anyway?"   
  
"I don't know. Ran-chan--I mean Ranma... Ranma said Yuu left to go buy lunch for them, and would meet them here, but Yuu never showed up."   
  
"Maybe he saw you coming with us and ran off?"   
  
"Wow, to think that a boy would run away from someone other than Mina-chan."   
  
"Yeah... I mean hey!"   
  
"Hm..." said Makoto. "That means Ranma doesn't have a lunch today." A wide smile appeared across her face.   
  
***   
  
"Hotaru! Hotaru, are you ok?" asked Haruka as she rushed to Hotaru's side in the hospital room.   
  
"Hotaru is fine. Looks like she wasn't affected *too* physically." Haruka and Michiru both took a big sigh of relief in understanding. The officer continued, showing them a mug shot of Yuu. "But she was found in the Fuji Love Motel beside an almost naked boy. It's hard to say what would have happened if we didn't get there when we did. Do you recognize him?"   
  
"Why that bastard! I'll kill him! Where is he!?"   
  
"He's safely locked up in jail right now. He won't get away. The preliminary trial date is for two weeks from today, on charges of two counts attempted rape."   
  
"Two?"   
  
"Yes. Apparently, he was brought in here two months ago on charges to attempted rape of one Rei Hino. The conditions were rather odd. Apparently he was severely beaten by the other inmates, so much so that the officer in charge waived the bail released him on a promise to show up for the trial. As you can guess, he didn't show up. As far as we know, he hid away right afterwards, and reappeared only today."   
  
"He tried to rape Rei too!? I'm SO going to kill him. That little shit!" Haruka dashed out the door.   
  
"Haruka-papa!"   
  
"Now, Hotaru, you just rest here for a bit," said Michiru. "We'll be back to visit you in a little bit."   
  
***   
  
"You have a visitor."   
  
Yuu nodded. 'Probably Ranma or Cherry. Maybe they can help me explain this mess.'   
  
When he walked out into the exchange lobby though, he quickly recognized that his visitor was the one who beat him up earlier. Yuu's features darkened, but he picked up the phone anyway. "Yes?"   
  
"You little shit! You tried to rape Rei *and* my daughter Hotaru? I'm so going to fucking kill you! Don't think that you'll get away with ten years in jail or whatever your sentence is. I'm going to pound your face so hard your mother wouldn't recognize you!"   
  
'So this is the bastard landed me in jail.' "Oh? I'll look forward to meeting you as well then." Without another word Yuu slammed his receiver down and walked back toward his cell. Haruka, meanwhile, was still clenching her fist and glaring at his retreating form angrily.   
  
***   
  
Yuu considered his options. Looks like the police weren't going to release him as easily as last time, and he definitely didn't want to have to speed weeks here doing nothing. Well, pounding the other inmates might be fun, but that'll get old too quickly. Heck, even training with Ranma is better than the absolute boredom of being incarcerated. Thankfully, he had given each of his friends a cell phone. Now that it was lunchtime, he probably should use up his one phone call.   
  
But who? Definitely not Lancelot; he didn't know enough about twentieth century Japanese customs to be even able to understand what's going on. Miroku, likewise, was a bad choice, for the simple reason that the man was a lech. With Yuu's luck, Miroku will probably try to grope a female officer when he comes to try to bail Yuu out, and land in jail with Yuu. So that left two choices, Ranma and Cherry. If Ranma comes in girl form and claims to be Yuu's girlfriend, that could increase chances of bailing. On the other hand, Cherry probably possesses a spell to just teleport him out. But then Yuu would be a fugitive though.   
  
Finally, deciding that the five of them probably wouldn't stay in this world for too much longer, Yuu decided to call Cherry. When he connected, Yuu gave Cherry a two-minute summary of the day's events from his perspective.   
  
"I see. You are very unfortunate."   
  
"Yeah, I noticed. Can you get me out? Using something you learned in the past two months, preferably?"   
  
Cherry paused a moment to consider. "All right. As much as I hate to use that in the open, I can't have you just rotting away in a cell. You owe me ten hours every day for the next three months though!"   
  
Yuu sighed. He was in no position to bargain. "All right."   
  
"Good!" said Cherry as he gave Yuu his typical wry smile. "Give me the exact location, and I'll be right over."   
  
Yuu did that, including the specific layout of the building. After he hung up and returned to his cell, Cherry was already in there waiting for him.   
  
Yuu's four cellmates had their jaws slack in awe. Yuu quickly noticed, and knocked all four of them unconscious. "All right, let's go."   
  
With that, Cherry teleported himself and Yuu out, back to Cherry Hill Temple.   
  
"You already registered in school yesterday, so when they find you missing, they'll be sure to search there. Which means you'll have to stay here in the Temple. Perfect time for training magic, no?"   
  
"Wait, I could just get a job. And what about you? Don't you have to go to school?"   
  
"Ah, I've had enough of school hundreds of years ago. And you can't get a job for the same reason--police will be on the lookout for you. Unless, of course, you want to wear the facemask that I wore." Cherry reached into his sleeve and took out the ugly mask that he wore before he had his age magically clocked back.   
  
Yuu shuddered. "No thanks."   
  
"Oh, cheer up! If you train all day every day for the next three months, you won't need me to bail you out next time--you can just teleport out yourself. And you'll probably also have learned some passive detection spells by then so that boy won't be able to sneak up on you again."   
  
"That's if I'm not dead in three months from the training."   
  
"Oh, no worries; I can resurrect you if necessary. In any case, you have no choice. You renege, and I send you right back to jail."   
  
Yuu sighed. "All right, let's get started."   
  
***   
  
Rei still looked sullen as the Inner Senshi were gathered to Haruka and Michiru's house. Michiru did not mention specifics, but said that it was important.   
  
"So what is it?"   
  
Michiru calmed Haruka down, and then spoke. "It seems that we may have a new enemy."   
  
"What? But Setsuna said that Galaxia would be our last big enemy. These monsters that are popping up now won't affect the future in any considerable amount."   
  
"Indeed I did say that," said Setsuna as she materialized behind Michiru. "And it should have been so, but at the Time Gates I've seen something recently that was very disturbing. There seem to be a group that pops in and out of our reality. And whenever they are in our world, the future of Crystal Tokyo wanes."   
  
Setsuna continued after she let the gravity of the situation hit the Inners. "They appeared briefly for two days about two months ago before disappearing. I thought that would be the end of that, but they reappeared two days ago."   
  
"Um? Maybe they'll go away again soon and we don't have to worry about it?" offered Usagi.   
  
Setsuna shook her head once forcefully. "No! The fact that the same group returned implies that they are powerful enough to control the travel between our world and theirs. We must find out by what means they are travelling between worlds, and destroy that means, so that this source of chaos is permanently banished to its homeworld. If we cannot do that, then we must destroy them."   
  
"Maybe they're just tourists?" asked Minako.   
  
"That may be, but their very presence in our world threatens Crystal Tokyo."   
  
"She's right!" declared Luna. "They're enemies! They must be destroyed!"   
  
"But they haven't done anything wrong yet, right?" asked Ami. "Maybe we can just ask them nicely to leave."   
  
"Oh, he's done plenty wrong!" shouted Haruka as she slammed down the mug shot of Yuu. "This little asshole tried to rape Hotaru! He was found butt-naked locked in a room with Hotaru at the Fuji Love Motel. Setsuna confirmed that this guy was one of that group."   
  
Rei gasped at the picture, recognizing Yuu instantly. "Him!?"   
  
"Yeah. The police officers told me already. Apparently he tried to pull this shit this months ago on Rei."   
  
The rest of the Inners sat in stunned silence. Well, Yuu running away from Rei at top speed whenever he saw her sure made a lot more sense now.   
  
"But... he..." mumbled Rei incoherently as tears started to well into her eyes.   
  
"That's not all. The police locked up him in jail, but early this afternoon, apparently he just disappeared from his cell. Security wasn't at maximum, but someone who snuck out should have left some signs at least, on the security cameras if nothing else. But he was just suddenly gone, with no traces at all. It's almost like he teleported out or something."   
  
A couple tears dripped from Rei's eyes. She really wanted to believe that the first night she met him was just a set of unlucky coincidences. That Yuu really was a decent guy. And from his behavior the second night, she really was convinced that he meant well. But... why would he have been there again then? With Hotaru? Naked?   
  
Rei cried. She hated herself for being so easily deceived by the boy, she hated the restaurant incident the second day that caused her to feel guilty, and most of all she hated Yuu.   
  
Ami suddenly froze. 'Ranma also appeared for one schoolday in his girl form two months ago, and then reappeared at school yesterday. Could it be...?' "Do you know who the others in the group are? Maybe he's just the bad apple of the group."   
  
Setsuna shook her head. "It doesn't work that way. If I have a candidate, I scan scan his energy pattern with the Time Gate to see if he is part of the group, but I can't determine the identities just by looking at the the convoluted signals the Time Gate gives me."   
  
"Oh." Ami was inwardly very relieved, as she realized that she was the only one to know about Ranma's sex-changing secret, so that the other had no reason to suspect that Ranma had also appeared briefly two months ago. 'Ran-chan doesn't look like a bad guy. But if I tell any of them what I know, they'll just go out and attack Ranma immediately. I should go talk to him about it--alone.'   
  
"How's Hotaru-chan?" asked Usagi with concern. "Is she feeling better now?"   
  
"She's upstairs. The doctors said she was saying strange things so they gave her some medication, and she's asleep now. You can..."   
  
"Mars Power Make-up!" roared Rei, triggering her transformation. "LET'S GO FIND THIS BASTARD AND KICK HIS ASS!"   
  
"Um, Rei? He might be human. Try not to kill him?"   
  
"Uranus Planet Power, Make-up!" Haruka transformed as well. "No way! I'm with Rei! We're gonna beat that little shit, and we're gonna make him remember it! Ami, Setsuna, do either of you have any idea where he is right now?"   
  
***   
  
Cherry frowned, as he signaled Yuu to stop casting the fireball.   
  
"I still don't get why I'm learning Fire school now. Can't you just teach me the Teleport spell already?"   
  
"Patience, Yuu. Magic should be studied in a certain order, or else it may become tainted and corrupt your mind. Stop for now though; I sense that something wicked this way comes."   
  
Yuu narrowed his eyes. "Stop knocking off Bradbury."   
  
"Dang, you read him."   
  
--End Chapter 8--   
  
// Well, like my friend Susan always says... Sucks to be Yuu! 


	9. Resurrection

  
  
-+- Standard Disclaimer -+-   
  
The characters depicted in this story are not mine. Sue me and you get nada, cuz that's how much I own. Blah.   
  
-+- End of Disclaimer -+-   
  
Unlikely Companions   
  
A fiction novella by Dave Zhang (dzhang@its.caltech.edu). Comments and criticisms welcomed. Copyright 2003.  
  
  
[This text is in English.] "This text is spoken." 'This text is thought.' =This text is telepathic.=   
Chapter 9: Resurrection   
  
Ami gasped. "He vanished."   
  
"Did he notice that we were coming and teleport away?"   
  
"I'm not sure. Maybe. A second ago he was in that abandoned lot two street ahead with one other unknown signature, and then they both disappeared."   
  
"Let's go anyway, and see if there's any clues they left behind."   
  
Unbeknownst to the Senshi, Cherry and Yuu walked right behind them, cloaked by Cherry's powerful invisibility spell. Why teleport away when you can stick around, invisible, and listen to your enemies' plans?   
  
"Some parts of the ground look a little charred. Either a pyromaniac came around to play here, or this Yuu knows fire magic as well."   
  
=Hey, Yuu=   
  
Yuu jumped a little at hearing a foreign voice in his head, but fortunately retained enough control not to make any loud sounds.   
  
'Is that you, Cherry?'   
  
=Yeah, it's a telepathic spell. I'll teach you it later. I can pick up your thoughts, so you can just think about what you want to tell me.=   
  
'All right. Do you have any idea who these girls are? They seem to be looking for someone, but I haven't seen them before.'   
  
=Hm... I remember Ranma calling the blue-haired girl Ami.=   
  
'That doesn't look like Ami to me.'   
  
=Hold on, I have a sneaking suspicion. Let me cast a few quick spells.= Cherry made a few hand gestures, and a moment later, he communicated to Yuu again. =Just as I thought. These girls are under a magic disguise. The blue-haired one is Ami, the two shorter blondes are Minako and Usagi, and the dark-haired girl is the grand-daughter of priest we're staying with. I don't recognize the other three.=   
  
'Grand-daughter?'   
  
=Oh, that's right, you never met her at the temple. Her name is Rei. I think she's the girl you normally run away at first sight from.=   
  
'Oh. They're definitely looking for me then.'   
  
Around this time, the Scout finished making conjectures on the nature of the sources of chaos, and left.   
  
'Should we follow them?'   
  
=Probably not, they may have some magical artifacts at their homes that can detect us. I think they're far gone now.= "We can speak again."   
  
"So, now what? I guess we can't go back to the temple anymore."   
  
"True, true. Do you know of any other place we can stay?"   
  
***   
  
Cherry raised an eyebrow. "Fuji Love Motel? You're taking *me* here?"   
  
"It's not like that," said Yuu sheepishly. "It's the only place I know of to stay at other than the temple. Come on, you got any better ideas?"   
  
Upon seeing Cherry not respond, Yuu went ahead and checked into a room.   
  
The manager, seeing the two of them walk up the stairs, sighed. "That boy's tastes are getting weirder and weirder. At least it's legal this time, so I'll not do anything."   
  
***   
  
"Hey!" said Minako to her friends after school the next day. "I had a dream last night!"   
  
"Really? Me too!" cried Usagi happily. "I dreamed Luna fell into a dumpster and left Mamo-chan and me alone while we went on a romantic date to Ice Cream Land and then..."   
  
"I don't think she was talking about that kind of dream!" said Luna huffily. "Go on, Minako."   
  
"I was the Princess of Venus, and we were all in a great ball held on the Moon. I didn't show up with a date, and was about to go bug Jupiter when the most dreamy-looking guy wearing a military uniform with a big sword mounted on his back came up to me and asked me for a dance! We danced and danced and I was so happy, but then I woke up."   
  
Ami tried very hard not to laugh, since she realized that this obviously had to be fabricated. She called up Ranma last night and told him about her involvement with the Sailor Senshi, as well as a brief history of the Silver Milleneum. Ranma took it in stride, and responded by updating his story, with how the group recently picked up the real Lancelot from Camelot, and how Cherry got some weird powers from a genie. As crazy as Ranma's story sounded, Ami tended to believe him--after all, the most unbelievable part about the Jusenkyo curse she already saw with her own two eyes.   
  
To some extent, Ami failed, and a small grin emerged on her face. Fortunately, the others just took it as a supportive smile.   
  
Makoto piped up. "Oh yeah! I had that same dream. I remember it too! You were starting to walk towards me, when that guy cut you off, and you being you, ran off with the new guy and completely forgot about your best friend. I was starting to get angry at you, but then a guy wearing fairly informal clothes came up to me with a drink, and offered to cheer me up. He was *so* gorgeous, and had the cutest pigtail. I think he was probably a palace guard or something."   
  
Artemis nodded. "The one Minako mentioned sounds to me to like he's probably Thyst, the Dragoon Commander. As for Makoto..."   
  
"Quiem. Definitely him. He wasn't a guard, though, although he sometimes like to pretend to be one around the balls." said Luna. "He was actually the Queen's most trusted Military Courier and Special Agent, though he and I didn't get along very well. For that matter, he didn't get along well with any females other than the Queen and Princess Jupiter."   
  
"Yeah, that's right!" chorused Minako and Makoto. "They must be Lancelot and Ranma!"   
  
"Very possibly," said Artemis. "Ah, I remember it like yesterday. We three would always go bar-hopping whenever Quiem came back from a mission..."   
  
---   
  
"Yo, Quiem! Back already? Where did you go this time?"   
  
"Pluto. Had a nice 'vacation.'" 'Vacation' was Quiem's official cover story for being gone so often, but pretty much anyone who spent a decent amount of time in the palace knew 'vacation' for him meant mission. "So, Thyst, I hear you hooked up with Princess Venus?"   
  
"Uh, yeah."   
  
"Lucky man! You go, boy! And put in a good word for me if you don't think it'll work out."   
  
"Quiem! You *have* a wife! Not to mention several mistresses on the side, one of which, I might add, happens to be the Princess Jupiter. Let Thyst have his without you messing it up."   
  
"Mistress schmistress. I'll bet Venus puts out before any of mine do, even to old 'Ice-Block' over here."   
  
"It's... it's not like that!" Thyst blushed. "Venus is a great gal; I have no idea how she got that awful reputation. Must be a lot of rumor bouncing. We're taking it nice and slow."   
  
Quiem mock-whispered to Artemis. "Bet you twenty credits Venus is already sleeping around on him!"   
  
"Venus Love-me Chain!" At that point, only Quiem's unnaturally high constitution prevented him from dying. But stuff like that never stopped him. Yeah, he seemed to upset all the other princesses a lot, some of it was actually pretty funny. Ah, good times.   
  
---   
  
A vein throbbed on Minako's forehead, "That's right, Quiem was an asshole! I should go tell that honest boy Lancelot to stop associating with Ranma right now!"   
  
"Oh come on, Mina-chan," coaxed Makoto. "He's just a joker. When the cards were down and it really counted, Quiem was the man to have on your side. That's why Queen Serenity trusted him so much."   
  
By now, the grin on Ami's face had morphed into a slack-jawed shock. She was very surprised, and a bit upset too, for two reasons. First and foremost, Makoto's trying to move in on her Ranma! She can't allow that! Ami mentally noted to be even closer to Ranma. And then, second, and more troublesome, she was absolutely sure that Ranma was *not* in the Silver Milleneum, yet everyone else now seemed to be remembering him. This must be how mass hyposis starts. Or perhaps mass delusion is more accurate in this case.   
  
"I didn't think the Queen had enough powerful left to reincarnate them as well, but we shouldn't look gift horses in the mouth!" said Artemis. "After all, the Queen did reincarnate Endymion as well."   
  
Actually, now that Ami thought about it, maybe Tuxedo Mask wasn't really in the Silver Milleneum either, and just kinda got made up. Hm... this needs to be looked into.   
  
***   
  
Over the next three months, Cherry and Miroku continued to ditch high school to avoid being hunted, and practiced magic discreetly in abandoned lots. Yuu kind of wanted to train martial arts with Ranma as well, but a harsh remonstration from Cherry stopped that. After all, Rei spends time with Ami, and Ami wants to spend time with Ranma, so being around Ranma would probably have lead to disaster.   
  
The monsters continued to show up, but weren't much of a threat. After the close fight with the dragon monster, Ranma and Miroku and Lancelot insisted on showing up to every fight, and the three of them usually made short work of the monster. Tuxedo Kamen, meanwhile, became more and more upset at the newcomers. Don't they know that they're *supposed* to let the monsters start winning a bit, before going in and encouraging the Scouts? Going in at the beginning and beating the monsters up... no, that's not manly, not at all. It's much better to offer psychological help.   
  
With the sudden disappearance of both of Lancelot's English-speaking friends, Minako found the perfect opportunity to get closer to 'Thyst' by teaching him Japanese. Despite some mistakes (some intentional and some unintentional), Minako was doing a good job, and Lancelot was beginning to be able to speak Japanese, though not very well.   
  
The Ranma/Ami relationship during those three months was pretty much stagnated, because of both Minako and Makoto's constant interfering (attempting to cut him off from everyone else in the former case, trying to get back with her sempai from a previous life in the latter... ^_^), and because both Ranma and Ami were naturally shy to the other gender.   
  
***   
  
=Interesting... A maw fiend. I haven't actually seen one of those before.=   
  
=But you know about it?=   
  
=Of course. It's hide isn't very tough, but it's a very dangerous monster for two reasons: first because it regenerates extremely rapidly, and second because it spits very strong poisonous acid balls. Joyeaux will probably be able to handle it, but I don't know about those girls' weapons or armors.=   
  
As Yuu and Cherry watched the scene, standing invisible atop a nearby building, Hotaru, Michiru and Haruka stood in their civilian forms some small distance away, also watching. They realized that their help might be needed when the fight wasn't finished in a few minutes, and was still being broadcasted live.   
  
Ranma hit the monster's back with another chi blast, only to have the albeit rather large wound heal itself within seconds. Lancelot was attacking the front, with also little use, and his metallic armor had melted away in several areas from indirect splash hits from the acid.   
  
"Back!" shouted Miroku, and Ranma and Lancelot quickly backed off, knowing that Miroku was going to use his trump.   
  
"Kazaana!" Unfortunately, before the vacuum could start to affect the maw fiend, bits of poisonous acid in puddle nearer to Miroku got sucked in first. Miroku immediately collapsed to the ground and sealed his hand, his whole body shuddering from the deadly poison.   
  
=Oops, looks like Miroku didn't know it was poisonous. That's not good; he's out of the battle now.=   
  
Hotaru watched the battle nervously. "Haruka-papa, Michiru-mama, we should go help them now. They're losing!"   
  
"Let's wait just a little longer," said Michiru. "That boy just pulled an attack we haven't seen before. Granted, it wasn't that useful against this monster, but maybe one of the other two also has a secret attack."   
  
Hotaru watched the scene for another few seconds, before deciding she can't wait any more, and charged toward the monster from its back.   
  
The monster, however, was extremely keen of hearing, and heard Hotaru's approach. It quickly turned its head and spat out an acid ball straight to Hotaru.   
  
"Shit!" screamed Haruka as she realized that (1) Hotaru had not yet transformed, (2) Hotaru was too slow untransformed to dodge it, and (3) there wasn't enough time left before the ball hit to transform. Clenching her teeth, Haruka sprinted and dove in front of Hotaru, taking the full impact of the acid ball to her own untransformed body. She was dead before her body hit the ground.   
  
"Neptune Planet Power Make-Up!"   
  
Hotaru stared at the corpse of Haruka, stunned. "Haruka-papa! Haruka-papa! Wake up! Transform and let's go fight it!"   
  
The maw fiend, seeing that Hotaru was still alive, spat another acid ball towards her.   
  
"No!" Sailor Moon realized that Neptune was still in the middle of her transformation, and wouldn't be able to help Hotaru in time. She was a bit farther away, but decided in the moment that she had to try to save Hotaru. She ran towards Hotaru and pushed her out of the way, but then was hit by the acid ball just as Haruka was.   
  
Thanks to the magical suit, Sailor Moon didn't die right away, but knew that her time was extremely limited, having accumulated too much damage over the course of the battle.   
  
She shakingly stood up and called out her attack. "Moon Final Judgement!"   
  
A giant beam of blue power pulsated from her body and shot toward the monster, disintegrating it entirely. Then Sailor Moon's transformation pen shattered, and she fell to the ground, lifeless.   
  
=Come on Yuu, looks like it's time we show up.=   
  
Cherry and Yuu dismissed their invisibility spells, and approached the group, who had huddle near the dead forms of Sailor Moon and Haruka. Cherry motioned for them to give him some room, and Ranma quickly complied, pushing everyone else back a bit.   
  
Muttering some medium level spells, Cherry slid his hand over Sailor Moon's shattered transformation pen, and it was quickly reforged, without showing any sign of it ever having been broken. At this, the rest of the Senshi quieted down, in anticipation of Cherry would do next.   
  
Cherry bent down and took one of Sailor Moon's hands in his own, closed his eyes, and then mumbled some very high level arcane magics. Both bodies started to glow red, and Cherry suddenly flicked out of existence for a millisecond before returning exactly to where he had been. He then fell to the ground, clutching his head with his free hand in intense pain.   
  
Sailor Moon awoke with a murmur, and gently opened her eyes. The other Senshi quickly gathered around her, overjoyed to see their leader resurrected.   
  
It was then that Tuxedo Mask chose to make his appearance. "Unhand Sailor Moon, vile fiend!" screamed he as he threw a steel rose to downed form of Cherry. Ranma quickly batted it away, and Sailor Mars fired a Flame Arrow at Tuxedo Mask's crotch. The said then ran away squealing in pain.   
  
***   
  
A while later, after Cherry partially recovered from the ordeal of his milliseconds in Hell, while Sailor Scouts were busily laying on thanks, Sailor Mars suddenly noticed Cherry's companion. "Yuu! Prepare to die!"   
  
Hotaru leapt in front of Yuu, trying to shield him with her small body. "No! Don't hurt him!"   
  
"Hotaru!? But he... he tried to... to hurt you!"   
  
"No! He never hurt me! He healed me when a bunch of bullies from school beat me up, but Haruka-papa got upset at his powers, and beat him up. I felt bad, so I helped him into a motel where I healed him. But then the policemen came and took Yuu away. I tried to explain to Haruka-papa and Michiru-mama but they wouldn't listen!"   
  
Rei stared down at the ground, very ashamed of herself. "Oh. Ah... Yuu? Um..."   
  
Her attempted apology was cut off by Makoto, shouting. "Cherry's fainted!"   
  
Ami nodded, "I would think resurrection is a rather difficult spell."   
  
"But... what about Haruka?" Makoto turned to Yuu. "You know magic too, don't you? Can you resurrect Haruka?"   
  
"I'm sorry, I've only been studying with Cherry for about three months. I haven't learned that spell yet." Yuu looked at the mutilated body of Haruka. "I can do this though."   
  
Yuu waved his hands in an arc over Haruka's body, and the blood and marrow splattered over the pavement gathered and reformed into the hole in Haruka's side, eventually filling it, so that the body became pristine.   
  
"I recovered most of the skin, so he looks normal, but he has some muscles missing on the inside. After Cherry resurrects him, he'll be able to regenerate it himself though. Let's carry him and Cherry back to the temple."   
  
***   
  
"I'm sorry... I can't."   
  
"What? But you've got to! Just do like what you did to me!" pleaded Usagi frantically.   
  
"The resurrection spell has an extremely high cost--it costs the caster his life. It's almost kind of like a trade-places spell. I was able to not die because I once had a genie grant me a wish that I'd be taken out of Hell right after I get there. But I was afraid that the genie would do something mean, like sticking me back into Hell a minute after I got back to the real world, so I added a clause that I can only go to Hell once a week."   
  
"But... in seven days..." The rest of the sentence didn't have to be spoken as everyone understood that in seven days Haruka's body would probably be decomposed to where resurrection is no longer possible.   
  
Cherry sighed as he and Yuu left.   
  
***   
  
Yuu stared up at the ceiling from his bed in the Fuji Love Motel. 'Damn! I would be celebrating that bastard's death, except he had to die saving that little girl.'   
  
Yuu thought some more. 'That girl, Hotaru, called the boy 'Haruka-papa.' Funny, since he looks the same age as me. Must be a pet name or something. They must be really close, because he died for Hotaru. The asshole probably mis-interpreted when I was healing Hotaru and thought I was a pervert or something.'   
  
'Ah, damn it. All those other girls seem to really like him, and want him back alive. Nothing anyone can do about it now though. Cherry can't cast it again for another seven days, and I doubt if anyone else has a deal with Hell like he does.'   
  
'Well, I suppose someone *could* resurrect that boy, if he doesn't mind dying instead of Haruka.'   
  
'Agh! But he died saving a little girl! As much of an asshole he was to me, he still wasn't a bad guy--definitely didn't deserve to die.'   
  
'But he's dead now. It's not my fault.'   
  
'...But it kind of is. If I had urged Cherry to help out earlier, maybe neither him nor Sailor Moon would have died. Or maybe just one of them, and then Cherry could resurrect.'   
  
'Hm... What were the words to that spell again? Omttera... geedak? or was it geeduk?'   
  
Deciding that there was no way he was going to be able to sleep that night, Yuu got out of bed and dressed, before teleporting out of the motel and to Cherry Hill Temple.   
  
***   
  
Yuu looked at the body of Haruka, almost lifelike, with a casual smirk in the corner of his mouth, and a slightly raised eyebrow over closed eyes.   
  
The rest of the Senshi decided to stay over at the Temple while Haruka was in this... 'condition,' but everyone had gone to sleep, the time being three in the morning when Yuu arrived, leaving Haruka's body unguarded.   
  
Yuu sighed yet again. 'Miki... I'll never be able to see you, or our parents again. I guess my life now really doesn't have much more meaning. I should use my life to trade for Michiru and Hotaru's happiness.'   
  
'Even if this guy is a complete jerk.' Yuu punched Haruka's body squarely in the jaw. 'You owe me, bastard!'   
  
Then, taking Haruka's hand in his, and chanting the arcane syllables that he recalled from earlier in the day, a warm feel spread through his body, and seeped out into Haruka's hand. Yuu felt his soul lifted out of his corporeal shell, and drifting away in the night, as if searching... searching... and finally he felt a small aura, solitary and gloomy, wandering about half a mile away. His aura touched it, and then confirmed that it did match to the residual signatures left in the body.   
  
His aura then led Haruka's drifting soul back toward the Temple. Finally, when Haruka's soul touched her own body, trying desperately yet once again to squeeze back in, Yuu uttered the last word of the spell, and he collapsed into a sprawled form on top of Haruka.   
  
***   
  
The first thing Haruka noticed when she drifted back into consciousness was that her jaw and side hurt. A lot. The second was that someone was lying on top of her. "Aieee!! Pervert!"   
  
She quickly flung Yuu off her, and upon recognizing his face, started kicking him viciously. That quickly woke up everyone in the house, and everyone quickly gathered downstairs in their pajamas.   
  
"Haruka-papa! You're alive!" Hotaru ran at the top of her speed and grabbed Haruka into a tight hug.   
  
"There, there, Hotaru. Of course I'm alive!"   
  
Hotaru was smiling blissfully in the arms of one of the few people who truly cared about her, when her bliss was interrupted.   
  
"Yuu?" said Rei, noticing the body by Haruka's feet.   
  
"Yeah, this asshole was trying to get in *my* pants this time. Was sprawled all over me, and had his hand clamping mine and everything. If I had taken another fifteen minutes to wake up, I'd be the first of the Senshi to be de-flowered this time around." Haruka gently pushed Hotaru to one side so that she could resume kicking. "Asshole!"   
  
"Stop," whispered Rei. When Haruka either didn't hear or didn't care, Rei said it again, in an agonized scream.   
  
"Eh? Why? This bastard tried to rape you too." Haruka kicked Yuu's body again.   
  
"He's dead," whispered Ami.   
  
Haruka sneered. "I wish so, but there's no way. I gave him at least ten time the beating I'm giving him today three months ago when I saw him groping Hotaru, and he came off it without a scratch. Tough little shit."   
  
Ami walked over to Haruka, and gently guided Haruka's right index finger over to Yuu's nose, where they confirmed that Yuu was indeed dead.   
  
Hotaru, unable to bear this anymore, bent down and covered Yuu's body with hers, crying. "Haruka-papa, please. Don't kick Yuu. He... he only used his healing powers because I was really hurt by the bullies from my school. And then you hurt him a lot, so I felt bad for him and helped him to a motel so I could heal him. It's not Yuu's fault he has healing powers! He was a nice boy."   
  
"But..." Haruka suddenly started feeling a bit guilty. "But I couldn't have kicked that hard... But the little shit still deserved it! What about Rei? And me tonight!?"   
  
Rei paled. "He was just helping me recover from our battle with El Quehal five months ago. I was in a bad mood from the hangover, and automatically assumed the worst. But I figured he didn't have ill intentions when he rescued me the next time too, and left without police intervention."   
  
"And the reason he's dead right now is because of you," said Ami stoically. "You were killed by the Maw Fiend Monster today when you tried to save Hotaru. He was clasping your hand to resurrect you. But resurrection costs him his life, and I'm guessing his body just naturally tilted forward when he died, and landed on you."   
  
"But... but..." Haruka collapsed to the floor, whispering. "But it doesn't make any sense. Why would he trade his life for mine? Because of the misunderstandings, I kept beating him up and sending him to jail... why would anyone be so stupid as to save me after all that?"   
  
Michiru gently signalled by Hotaru to come with her, and the others also left one by one, leaving only Haruka left with the body of Yuu.   
  
--End Chapter 9--   
  
// Maybe I should retitled this story '101 Ways to Denigrate Mamoru' 


	10. Orpheus

  
  
-+- Standard Disclaimer -+-   
  
The characters depicted in this story are not mine. Sue me and you get nada, cuz that's how much I own. Blah.   
  
-+- End of Disclaimer -+-   
  
Unlikely Companions   
  
A fiction novella by Dave Zhang (dzhang@its.caltech.edu). Comments and criticisms welcomed. Copyright 2003.  
  
  
[This text is in English.] "This text is spoken." 'This text is thought.' =This text is telepathic.=   
Chapter 10: Orpheus   
  
Cherry teleport to the Temple not much later. Seeing the crying form of Haruka and the limp form of Yuu, he inferred the events immediately.   
  
"The foolish boy did as I thought he would try to do."   
  
"Why didn't you stop him!?"   
  
"It is his life, and his choice. I wouldn't have done it in his shoes, but that's not the point."   
  
Haruka stared at the teenage-looking mage, trying to think about how to undo this wrong. "Can you resurrect him?"   
  
"No. I was not lying about the seven day thing."   
  
"Teach me that Resurrection Spell then! I'll trade my life back for his! I don't want to owe him, especially if I can never repay him!"   
  
"Impossible. Yuu was very gifted in the magics, and it still took him three months of non-stop training. I'm actually kind of surprised; I didn't think he had reached the level of mastery required to pull this spell off, which is why I didn't stop him."   
  
Haruka sunk to the ground. "Is there no other way to bring him back?"   
  
"Well..."   
  
"You know something!"   
  
"I don't know if it's true, but have you heard of the story of Orpheus and Eurydice?"   
  
Haruka nodded. "The bard who tried to get his wife back from the Underworld."   
  
"You *could* try that, but the chances of success probably aren't too good. Most likely you'll both end up dead."   
  
"Do you have any advice so that it's not certain death? How I should negotiate with the Devil and demons and such."   
  
"Nope, sorry. I've only spent two milliseconds there. I know where the entrance is, and can teleport you to the gates, but that's about it. You'd be on your own from there. You sure you want to do this? It's most likely a one-way trip. Hotaru and Michiru would miss you."   
  
Haruka sighed. "You got a coin?"   
  
"Yeah..."   
  
"Flip it."   
  
While it was in the air, Haruka quickly called, "Heads I go."   
  
The coin landed heads up.   
  
'Wait, what the Hell!? Just 'cuz he spent his life to resurrect me, I'm going to risk both ours now? This is insane. Must be post-resurrection nausea or something.' "Er... I meant if the side facing down was heads."   
  
"Ah," said Cherry, picking up the coin and showing the down-face to Haruka. It also showed heads. Cherry smirked. "You should have told me beforehand you wanted a normal coin for this."   
  
***   
  
Cherry and Haruka stood at the gates of Hell. Haruka was still cursing herself for being impulsive and lamenting the loss of her life a second time thus.   
  
"This is as far as I can take you, the rest you gotta do on your own. You might want to transform now, or else you won't make it past half an hour."   
  
"How did you... Oh forget it; I'm starting to think you know everything."   
  
"Sadly, that wish I rejected."   
  
"Huh?" Haruka blinked. Upon seeing Cherry not respond, she transformed. "Well, it's now or never." 'I really wish it would've been never,' she mentally added, as she walked through the ominous gates.   
  
***   
  
Haruka, in the form of Sailor Uranus, walked to the edge of a river. "The Styx," she read. Obviously.   
  
Sure enough, an old ferryman rowed to her within a few minutes wait. "Do ye have coin for the passage?"   
  
'Oh shit! I forgot, I was supposed to bring two coins for the round trip passage across the Styx. Let's see, options: (1) threaten Charon. Probably not very effective since he's been next to Hell for so long already. The guy probably can't die. (2) plead with Charon. He's probably pretty resistant to that, from all the people begging *not* to be taken across. (3) screw the ferry and swim the river.' Haruka looked down into the blood-like water of the Styx and saw a few skulls bobbing up and down. 'Er... that's out.'   
  
"Do ye have coin for the passage?" Charon repeated.   
  
"Well, you have to ferry across anyway, right? Why don't you just give me a ride?"   
  
"It don't work like that."   
  
"Um... I guess I'll just wait for another passage then." 'And maybe find a way to run back to Juuban.'   
  
Charon shrugged and started rowing back toward Hell.   
  
'Oh, Hell, I'm already here, what worse trouble can I get into?' Haruka ran back a few steps, before getting a running start to leap onto the ferry. Thanks to her magically enhanced physique, she was just barely able to land on the ferry.   
  
"Hey! You didn't pay for your passage!"   
  
"Um... I'm sorry. You're not going to turn back are you?"   
  
"It don't work like that," said Charon, as he continued rowing to Hell. "I'll just have to row you right back when we get to the other side."   
  
'No way... Hell's minions are this stupid?'   
  
***   
  
Haruka started running as soon as they got to the other side of the Styx. Charon tried to run after her, but was quite clearly outmatched in speed. As Haruka had her head turned to see how much of a lead she had over the ferryman, she ran into something, and fell to the ground.   
  
Looking up, she saw what appeared to be a red demon, with tail and claws and everything else folklore told about demons. What she didn't expect was the cell phone in one claw, and a personal desktop assistant (PDA) in the other, as well the the modified business suit that the demon was wearing.   
  
"What's your name, birthday, and place of longest resident, miss? We weren't expecting anyone right now, but I'll get this sorted out and you to your right level."   
  
"Haruka Tenou, January 27, A.D. 1978, Juuban, Japan, Earth, Sol, Milky Way." 'Why did I just tell him that!? And what the Hell is Sol?'   
  
"Oh, you're probably wondering why you told me truthfully. The lobby, which is where we are right now, has some very high level truth spells casted. After all, we do have a job to do, banishing each of you to the right level and everything. I can't afford to deal with pranksters."   
  
After playing for a bit with his PDA, the demon frowned. "Hm... it shows that you were supposed to be due here in two days, but then that entry was crossed out. I guess you're free to go."   
  
Charon caught up, and spoke, while panting from the exertion. "That's right, this woman jumped aboard my ferry and stowed away for a voyage over here. Now I have to drag her back to the river and ferry her across."   
  
"Wait!" said Haruka. "I'm here to try to free Yuu!" 'Damn truth spells. Lost my element of surprise already.'   
  
"Eh? That a fact?" chuckled the demon. "Another Orpheus wannabe, huh? All right, let me set up the arrangements." He dialed an extremely long number on his cell phone and spoke a while in a completely obscure language not resembling anything from Earth. "All right, it's been arranged, come with me."   
  
"Um... do you get people like me often?"   
  
"A fair amount. Well, lots of people would want to do it, but our location is rather secret, and only very few can manage to find us and get here before their lover's body decays. We get about one every three of your months."   
  
"That many? And Yuu isn't my lover!"   
  
"The universe is a large place. It's not only on Earth that sentient creatures die you know. What is this Yuu to you then? Brother? Son? Father?"   
  
"Er... he's not really related to me at all."   
  
The demon raised an eyebrow, "Oh well. I won't question your motives, others will do that soon enough. Come with me to the studio."   
  
"The studio?" Haruka suddenly felt dizzy, and when she recovered, she realized had been teleported with that demon.   
  
Two other demons, one male and in a modified polo shirt, and the other female in a strange dress, walked to her escort, and thanked him, before the escort demon teleported out.   
  
A voice spoke from out of apparently nowhere, in Japanese no less. "And we're on five, four, three, two, one..."   
  
"Hi, and welcome, viewers, to another edition of Orpheus in the Underworld. Our contestant tonight is nineteen-year-old female Haruka Tenou, hailing from Sol-3 of the Milky Way Galaxy." said the male demon, who Haruka guessed to be the host of this obscure game-show that she's now taking part in. 'Hell is just too weird!'   
  
"We here in Hell like to think of ourselves as liberal, and whenever a mortal such as yourself arrives to try to bargain for the life of someone deceased, we assign this seven tests, and if you pass all seven of the tests, you get your mortal back. Now, as you've probably gathered, this is going to take a game-show format, and all of your actions will be televised live to all of our viewers. This test may take a while, but don't worry, your mortal's corpse won't decay in the time you are away, because we have an agreement with some other powers, that allows time to be frozen in the mortal realm while in participate in this game. Before we begin, do you have any questions?"   
  
"What if I fail at some of the tests? Do I get a second chance or a make-up test or something?"   
  
"Ooh, very good question. In that case, our viewers get to call in and *vote* on your punishment. Some of the more popular punishments from previous shows have been: death, two make up tests, indentured servitude to Hell for five years, as well as many others. You, the contestant, get to pick one of the top three to be your punishment."   
  
"Oh, that doesn't sound too bad," said Haruka sarcastically. "Say, who watches your show anyway? You said it was broadcasted live, but time is frozen."   
  
"Why, all of the immortal beings who aren't effected, of course. That means just about all of the demons in Hell, the angels and gods in Heaven, the Eiherjar of Valhalla, the Olympians, as well as hundreds of other dieties no one on Earth has ever heard of, them being mainly alien ones. We also rerun this show to sufficiently powerful demigods and heros who also subscribe to our channel."   
  
"Angels and gods watch this?" Haruka asked with a distinctly sick feeling in her stomach.   
  
"Oh yes! They're one of our finest patrons, and contribute much of the funds necessary to operate this show. Do you have any other questions?"   
  
Haruka shook her head.   
  
"Once again, we're your hosts Mara and Pansom, and let's get started with our interview with Haruka." The female demon turned to Haruka. "Now, before we start you on the tests, we'd like to do a quick interview with you, getting our viewers some insight on your personality, and such. You are no longer in the Hell's Lobby, and therefore you *are* allowed to lie or refuse to answer. However, if you refuse too many times, or we catch you lying enough times, we just might have to use this." She held up a circular disc, the title reading: The Life of Haruka Tenou, DVD version.   
  
"All right then, let's get started. So, how did you find out about this place, and how did you get here?"   
  
Haruka decided that she could probably get away with maybe three or four lies total, and didn't think this question was worth wasting one on. "Some guy named Cherry teleported me to the Gates; I don't really know the location of this place."   
  
"I see, and who is this Cherry? Why would someone spend so much effort to get you here? Does he wish you dead, but is unable to kill you himself, or did you pay him in *ahem* certain ways to get you here, or what?"   
  
Haruka caught the implication, and immediately made her ire known. "Hey! It's not like that! I'd rip his lips out if he even tried to kiss me!"   
  
"Ooh, we got a feisty contestant tonight. All right, what about this Yuu that you're trying to rescue then? Would you rip his lips out?"   
  
"Definitely! The one time he held my hand, I kicked him thirty-eight times for it! Six in the groin too!"   
  
Pansom winced at this, "And this Yuu is the guy you braved Hell to try to save?"   
  
***   
  
Haruka wanted to crawl under a rock. True to its title, the disc did in fact contain a full recording of the events of Haruka's life from her point of view, and the hosts didn't hesitate to show the tape.   
  
"Well, our interview is over now, so let's get started with the first test, the Test of Identity." Mara waved her hands about, and ten human forms appeared. "Here we have ten human souls, one of which is actually Yuu's. As you can see we're selected the others to look very similar to Yuu, and in addition, we've also picked them on the basis of having similar personality to Yuu. Finally, they have also been shown the interview that we just had with you."   
  
"I'm supposed to pick out which one is Yuu?"   
  
"Exactly! You can do anything you want to them, to get their reactios to various circumstances. You can asks them questions. Anything you want. Also, take as long as you like, since time is frozen to all mortals. Just let us know when you think you're sure."   
  
Haruka nodded, and asked out. "Okay, which one of you is Yuu?"   
  
Two of the souls raised their right hand, three of them glared at her, three of them ignored her completely, one said "Me," and the last said, "I don't think that's going to help."   
  
"Hm..." said Haruka. "Yuu probably wouldn't raise his hand, but any of the other eight could be him. And actually I'm not positive that Yuu wouldn't just raise his hand."   
  
Haruka walked close to one of the souls, and asked, "What were the exact words you said to me when I came to visit you in jail?"   
  
"Something along the lines of 'I'll be looking forward it.' I don't remembery my exact words."   
  
Haruka repeated her question to the next one. He glared at her and refused to answer. She sighed on went on to the next one.   
  
"You presume yourself too important that I should remember."   
  
"'Oh? I'll look forward to meeting you as well then.'" 'That's technically the right answer, but I'm not sure that's what Yuu would answer. They did all see the video.'   
  
"So, you finally realize I'm not trying to rape you or Hotaru?"   
  
"I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to Cherry and the others. If you can get out of this alive, tell them that for me."   
  
"If we get out of this alive, I'm afraid I'm going to have to return the kicks you gave to my body."   
  
"You really didn't want to come and save me anyway; we can all see that from the coin toss scene. Just find a way and get out of here before it's too late."   
  
***   
  
Three subjective days later (her hosts allowed Haruka to sleep and eat when she requested), Haruka was still tackling the problem of trying to identify Yuu. The main problem was that she really didn't know Yuu all that well.   
  
She's tried just about everything she could think of, including throwing them to the ground and seeing which body felt the most like Yuu's when she kicked it, and whose groans sounded the most like Yuu's. Too bad she didn't remember that part well either.   
  
She also asked each one his life story, not that she knew any of it, but just to see which one's sounded the most probable. One talked about being with Ranma and Miroku and training martial arts with them, one described his girlfriend and a fairly normal high school life, one mentioned very strange parents that swapped marriage partners with another family, one talked about learning magic from Cherry, one agonized over how he could never see his little sister again, one talked about his dreams of being an architect, et cetera. None of them delayed in speaking, and all of them sounded sincere.   
  
Haruka then wondered if all of them were fakes. It wouldn't be below a demon to try something like that, and so she demanded of Mara. "How do I know that the real Yuu is even here?"   
  
"I guarantee you that the real Yuu is here. If you don't believe me, I can contact any god or goddess you have most faith in, and have him or her vouch for this."   
  
Haruka grumbled about demons disguising as gods, but decided that she'd have to trust Mara on this one. She returned to questioning the souls.   
  
***   
  
After another subjective week, Haruka sighed, and realized she wasn't improving her chances by questioning further. She even tried torturing them to see if any of them would crack under the pain and admit to not being Yuu, but none of them reneged. Actually, that was probably to be expected, since they've already all be tortured by Hell's minions for quite some time, and must have developed some pain resistance.   
  
"Mara."   
  
"Yes? Have you decided?"   
  
Haruka shook her head. "I guess I just didn't know Yuu well enough. At first I was leaning towards two of them, but upon interacting with the others as well, the initial bias was lost. I really just don't know... all of these guys sound like they could be Yuu..."   
  
Haruka was cut off by a popping sound, as balloons and confetti dropped to the floor from the ceiling. "Congratulations, Haruka! You have passed the first Test! I guaranteed you that Yuu was here, but I did lie a little in saying that the other nine were fakes. All ten of them are Yuu... they're each a facet of Yuu's personality. Any sentient being is complex, and has multiple aspects to them. Many a mage or wizard have come here demanding their loved one, and picked immediately the facet of their love they most appreciated, and thus failed. Only someone who truly knows and loves someone could appreciate him for all of who he was. Congratulations again, Haruka."   
  
"But the life stories..."   
  
"They were all true; Yuu's life has been a difficult one. Yuu's memory of this session will be wiped, so you should pretend ignorance and have him tell you everything in his own time, if you complete the other six tests as well."   
  
Mara waved her claws in the air, and the fragments of Yuu's soul disappeared.   
  
Haruka, still coming to grip with this result, suddenly picked up what Mara said earlier. "Hey! I don't love Yuu!"   
  
Mara smirked. "Let's see what our audience thinks. Gods and goddesses, demons and demonesses, please call in now and express your opinion: does Haruka love Yuu?"   
  
After waiting a moment, Mara spoke again, "And the results are in! Unconditionally Yes: 11%, Unconditionally No: 15%."   
  
"Ha! See?" shouted Haruka in triumph.   
  
"Wait until you hear the rest," said Mara. "Yes once Haruka overcomes her latent homosexuality: 23%, No because of Haruka's latent homosexuality: 6%, Yes, by the time Haruka leaves Hell: 10%, She'll love that boy even if I have to make her: 10%, Doesn't matter because Haruka will be stuck forever in Hell: 21%, and Abstain due to not watching the show, 4%. So, tallying everything up, it's 54% Yes, 21% No, and 25% Abstain."   
  
Haruka jaw dropped. "What!? You mean... wait. 96% of all dieties watch this show?"   
  
Mara nodded. "This is a very popular show."   
  
--End Chapter 10--   
  
// That was fun. Now I have to think of six other Tests equally interesting. 


	11. The Test of Mettle, Part I

  
  
-+- Standard Disclaimer -+-   
  
The characters depicted in this story are not mine. Sue me and you get nada, cuz that's how much I own. Blah.   
  
-+- End of Disclaimer -+-   
  
Unlikely Companions   
  
A fiction novella by Dave Zhang (dzhang@its.caltech.edu). Comments and criticisms welcomed. Copyright 2003.  
  
  
[This text is in English.] "This text is spoken." 'This text is thought.' =This text is telepathic.=   
Chapter 11: The Test of Mettle, Part I   
  
"Hello again Haruka, we hope you slept well last night with the knowledge that you are one seventh done, having passed the Test of Identity. Today, we begin the Second Test, the Test of Will. Before we begin, we wanted you to know that only 14% of our Contestants make it this far. You should be proud of yourself already. Also, now that you have passed one Test, you can choose to leave by yourself any time you want."   
  
"Indeed," said Pansom. "This comes none too soon, as the next test will include many situation where you may wish to use that option. Note though that once you take it, you are forbidden from ever petitioning like this again."   
  
Haruka nodded. "Let's get this over with."   
  
"Good luck," said Mara as she waved her hands, teleporting Haruka away.   
  
***   
  
Haruka awoke, as the Immeda, the princess of Uranus, in her palace. "Wha? Is this a dream?"   
  
She wiggled her fingers and shook her head. She seemed to be controlling her body, and usually when she had Silver Milleneum dreams it was from the point of view of an invisible onlooker.   
  
Upon seeing her princess awake, a handmaid approached and curtsied, before speaking. "The Queen calls for an emergency council regarding the news Quiem has gathered, and would appreciate your highness's attendance on the Moon in three hours."   
  
Haruka nodded, and was about to dismiss the servant, when she thought of something. "What day is today?"   
  
"It is the thirty-sixth, Your Highness."   
  
"No, give me the full date."   
  
With a look of concern, the servant obliged. "It is the thirty-sixth of Olind, year 998 of the Silver Reign."   
  
'Olind... that's spans modern calendar months of July through October. Wait... 998 of the Silver Reign? That means it's three years before the fall of the Silver Milleneum, because the Silver Reign started counting one year before the Court of Serenity was actually in full power. That also means Beryl starts attacking in a few months.'   
  
'Is this real? Have I really been sent back in time? It wouldn't be beyond a diety's power, but it might be just a simulation for my second Test.'   
  
Haruka nodded and dismissed the servant. 'I'm expected on at the Court in three hours, so I should have a good two hours to think about this, and wake up if this is actually a dream.'   
  
'First things first--why am I here? Maybe I've been sent back in time to see if I can make a difference in the outcome with my knowledge. Or maybe they'll make Yuu into one of the Negaverse generals and see if I have the guts to kill him.'   
  
'Hm... would I? If this was reality, I'd kill Yuu and his whole family if I had to, in order to save the Silver Milleneum. But this all could be a mirage, to test to see if I value Yuu's life enough to throw away Silver Milleneum for it. In that case, I probably should.' Haruka sighed, and hoped it wouldn't come down to that decision, because she realized that if she would kill Yuu if she even slightly believed this all to be real.   
  
***   
  
"But this could be another one of Quiem's practical jokes, for all we know!" spoke the Princess of Venus. "Beryl and her family have never liked us, but they've never attacked either. Do we really want to put a fleet on the border? That might very well cause a war!"   
  
"Quiem, while prone to making practical jokes," said the Princess of Jupiter, "would never lie about something this serious. You know that as well as I do, Venus. Put your personal animosity of him behind you for now, and think of the bigger troubles he describes."   
  
"I trust him," said Queen Serenity regally. "But Venus does have a point about the possibility of causing a war if we're not careful. We should mobilize discreetly. I propose that we place a small fleet in orbit of Pluto, station a few scouts permanently positioned in space available to warn of attack at earliest notice, and upgrade every vessel we have to state-of-the-art military models. What say you, my advisors?"   
  
"Aye," said Jupiter   
  
"Aye."   
  
"Aye."   
  
"Aye."   
  
"Aye."   
  
Venus hesitated, but finally decided that she by herself cannot sway her Queen. "Aye."   
  
"Nay." The Senshi and the Queen looked to Haruka with some wonder. "Uranus, how so? Please explain your reasoning."   
  
"I do not presume that our realm is so secure from spies and such. We have Quiem on our side, and found out about Beryl's planned attack, who is to say that Beryl doesn't have men of similar talents running about in our realm, that would contact her at first notice of our fleet upgrades?" All of these reasons Haruka was making up on the spot, but being from the future, she was certain that Beryl would attack, and maybe with a bit of forewarning the disaster that was the Fall of the Silver Milleneum could be averted. "Pluto, you have access to the time gates, and can see into the future, albeit your ability is somewhat limited. Do you see any possible futures, two years from now, where war does not occur?"   
  
Setsuna paused, before finally answering, "No."   
  
"See?" continued Haruka. "If war is to occur no matter what, we should prepare to the best of our ability. Certainly, some of the futures Setsuna can see include ones where we decide to do nothing today, and it still results in war. I say we mobilize entirely, completely, right now, and face them head on!"   
  
"But..." The protest died in Venus's lips. Venus sighed. Uranus was right, of course. "Uranus is right."   
  
Queen Serenity nodded. "Very well then. We will be tomorrow again at this time, in for a Council of War, with my generals and admirals. Give out orders for scouts to be dispatched immediately."   
  
***   
  
Haruka carefully followed Quiem. It might have been a difficult task normally, but Quiem seemed troubled. Through the meeting, he was continually fidgeting, and Haruka easily recognized that this was very abnormal for the normally carefree Quiem.   
  
Quiem walked to his favorite bar and met up with his two usual drinking buddies.   
  
"Hey, you're late!" said Artemis cheerfully as he slapped Quiem on the back.   
  
Quiem ignored this, picked up Thyst's half-full mug of beer, and immediately downed it in one gulp. "Another!"   
  
"Is something wrong?" asked Thyst with some concern.   
  
"Hah, knowing him, he probably just got kicked out of Princess Jupiter's bed or something."   
  
Quiem unceremoniously shoved Artemis to the ground. "Stop joking around. I'm in a bad mood."   
  
"What's wrong?" whispered Artemis, seriously, as he got back up. "You're never like this, man. The sky could be burning and that wouldn't ruin your mood."   
  
Quiem sighed. "That might happen soon."   
  
"What?"   
  
"The skies burning," said Quiem, as he downed another mug of beer. "I think I just started a war."   
  
"What!?"   
  
"You'll find out soon enough, Thyst. The Queen will be holding a Council of War tomorrow, as Commander of the Dragoons you'll certainly be summoned."   
  
Signalling the bartender for another beer, Quiem sighed again. "Looks like our carefree days are about over, friends. Let's drink again without reservation tonight, for it might be our last chance."   
  
***   
  
The three friends parted after they were smashingly drunk. Haruka waited until Quiem turned into an isolated street before she shot him with a stun gun and knocked him out.   
  
About an hour later, Quiem found himself chained up in a dungeon. He looked up and saw Haruka staring back at him.   
  
"You know who I am. You are in my dungeon in my palace in Ariel. I snuck you here personally, and even my handmaids don't know that you're here. Answer my questions truthfully, because even the Queen's favoritism won't save you here."   
  
"You're planning on killing me, I know it. If not, you know I'll eventually get back at you tenfold of what you do to me. And since you're planning on killing me, I don't see why I should oblige you with answers. You should well know that in my line of work, I am very immune to standard torture procedures."   
  
Haruka ignored what he said. "You were either lying or withholding information at the meeting today. I know it--I sense it. Tell me what that is."   
  
"I have strict orders from the Queen. You should know that my loyalty to her supersedes all."   
  
Haruka frowned. She didn't detect a lie from him. He's still drunk enough that he couldn't lie well even if he wanted too. But what then?   
  
"I am one of the Senshi, the Queen's most trusted advisors. Even if the Queen wishes something secret, it must be safe to share with us, at least."   
  
"Why don't you ask the Queen yourself then?"   
  
"You're not being cooperative."   
  
"Lay on the tortures then! Let's see if the Queen's conditioning program works!"   
  
Haruka sighed, and decided to leave her prisoner be. She would get no answer out of him tonight, and it would not do to alienate one of the Queen's trusted servants for no gain.   
  
***   
  
"Why are we here again?" yawned the Venus. "We have a meeting in three hours, why another one now?"   
  
At this moment Queen Serenity walked into the throne room, and Venus and the others immediately straightened their back and assumed respectful postures.   
  
"In case you are wondering why I have called you here on moment's notice," said Serenity, "It is because I have just received some important information that I feel the generals have no need to know about, yet it is vitally important in determining our plans."   
  
Venus nodded, grateful that she and the other Senshi were so trusted by the Queen.   
  
"Quiem did not appear at court this morning. When I assumed that it was his usual lack of punctuality, I sent some of my handmaids to fetch him, but they returned telling me that he had not been seen since last night. That he would disappear the day after bringing us such important information does not bode well. It is very likely that he may have been tailed leaving Beryl's realms, and have been kidnapped."   
  
"My Queen," spoke Jupiter. "I volunteer to investigate this matter and rescue him if necessary."   
  
Serenity shook her head. "Quiem knows too much about our kingdom and military, from serving me in previous missions. I fear that whoever captured him did not know Quiem's true status until just yesterday. As much as I trust Quiem, I fear that perhaps Beryl may have developed powerful interrogation methods. He may have already revealed much."   
  
Serenity continued. "However, it is essential that we limit the damage. I need one of you to personally seek out Quiem and his kidnapper... and terminate both of them."   
  
Jupiter gasped. "Terminate... both of them?"   
  
"Unfortunately, yes. Quiem relies mainly on his anonymity to protect him, since he does not have the level of power you do. If we rescue him, it will only paint him as a bigger target for Beryl. I cannot afford to have one of you protect him full time, and anything less would be useless against Beryl's best agents. I'm sorry, Jupiter. Venus, can I count on you to complete this task without fail?"   
  
"I..." began Venus. She hesitated, before shaking her head. "I'm sorry, my Queen. I cannot. As much as Quiem and I verbally banter, Quiem has helped me in the past, and I would prefer not to undertake this task."   
  
Venus stole a glance at Jupiter, who caught her eye and returned the slightest of nods, in thanks to her friend.   
  
"I see... Please forgive me, my advisors, but this has to be done. Mercury, as the most detached of the Senshi, can I count on you..."   
  
Haruka stepped in and interrupted Serenity, something only a Senshi would take the liberty of doing, and even then not very often. "I'll do it. The Inners form a tight circle of friendships, just as we Outers do amongst ourselves. Even should Mercury succeed, her morale will be shaken from having to kill Jupiter's consort. I will go."   
  
Serenity considered this, but acknowledged the Senshi of Uranus. "Proposal accepted, but make haste. You are the Senshi most skilled at war, we will need you as soon as the real fighting begins." She then turned to the rest of the Senshi, "I do not need to mention that what we have discussed today remains within this room. I understand that Quiem was good friends with Thyst, the Dragoon Commander. It would not do to disrupt morale."   
  
***   
  
Haruka set her craft on auto-pilot, before walking into the rear compartment of her ship, and opening one of her pieces of luggage. She then removed the mouth-gag from a very thoroughly tied Quiem.   
  
"Hmph! Where are you taking me, Princess?"   
  
"Out into the middle of nowhere to kill you, of course."   
  
"I guessed as much. Let's get it over with then."   
  
"Don't you wish to know why I'm going to kill you?"   
  
"I care not for what excuses you make; you'll not get any information out of me."   
  
Haruka held out a small disc, and inserted it into her personal viewer. After scrolling through the authenticity codes and such, the screen displayed: By order of Serenity, Queen of the Moon Kingdom, issued on the 37th of Olind, year 998 of the Silver Reign, it is hereby proclaimed that Immeda, Princess of Uranus and its satellites, Senshi Advisor to the Queen, is fully empowered to take any measures necessary to ensure the death of Quiem of Lun-5, civilian ID 14934-K, formerly agent of the Queen. The Princess of Uranus is hereby pardoned from any violations of kingdom or local laws incurred during the fulfilling of this mission. In addition, any who seek to avenge Quiem, or otherwise harbor malevolent intent to Immeda on account of this mission, is hereby remonstrated that pursuing such action will effect their appearance on the Moon Kingdom's Most Wanted list. End message.   
  
Quiem shrugged after he read the message. "Very well done."   
  
"Do you not wish to know the reason for this?"   
  
"That matters little to a man about to be dead. I harbor no delusions of my own ability in this situation."   
  
"As your executioner, I can arrange for you to live."   
  
"Or, more likely, you'll kill me after you get the information you want." Quiem laughed. "You didn't really expect an elite agent to be so naive, did you?"   
  
Haruka frowned. "It does not matter much any more, don't you see? We are already preparing war against Beryl. Military organization is being reorganized as we speak. With you in my hands, there is little chance for you to divulge to Beryl what little useful information you have remaining."   
  
Quiem sneered. "You'll not get anything out of me no matter what methods you use, verbal trickery included."   
  
Haruka gagged Quiem's mouth again, and walked back to the pilot seat where she could think in silence. 'I'm betting Quiem is a double agent; that's the most plausible, and only valid answer. Serenity must have had some doubts about him as well. For Jupiter's sake, Serenity didn't outright declare her suspicion that Quiem is a turncoat at the meeting, but that would be the best explanation for her surprise at his sudden disappearance. Then there's the fact that Quiem is obviously hiding something.'   
  
'So now, assuming that Quiem is a double-agent, what should I do? I could kill him as the Queen asked, but that seems somehow inefficient. He knows much, and I should try to find out as much as I can. Openly declaring to Beryl that I have him also is bad, because that would give away our initiative of expecting their surprise attack. Hm... perhaps the best would see where he would go if released.'   
  
'Arranging that will be tricky though--I will have to make his chance for escape look natural, for he is far too experienced to be fooled easily. Yet, if I give him too good an opportunity, he may elude me permanently. A fine balance must be struck.'   
  
***   
  
Haruka frowned. "You did not take the opporunity to commandeer my ship while it was being refueled?"   
  
Quiem sat in the pilot's chair, having freed himself from his manacles in the brief time Haruka left to ship to restock supplies. He grinned at her, and held up three small electronic devices. "Did you really think that I would miss these?"   
  
"How did you!?" gasped Haruka. In his hands lay the tracking device, the remote-control pilotting override, and the self-destruction device that Haruka planted in the ship's core. "Why are you still here then?"   
  
"Because," replied Quiem with a sad smile, "I've lost my will to live. Please kill me."   
  
Haruka narrowed her eyes at the man. "You could have easily reworked the self-destruction device to detonate when I stepped aboard the ship again, thus taking me out with you. Why not?"   
  
"Because the Moon Kingdom will need you in the upcoming war."   
  
"You really don't sound like you're one of Beryl's double-agents."   
  
"Hah! That's what you thought the matter was?" Quiem shook his head. "No, the secret I know is much more than you can ever fathom. I give you my word of honor that I will never betray the Queen or the Moon Kingdom. Trust me, Immeda, it is better for you not to know. Look at me--I know, and now I want to die. So please, fulfill my wish and complete your duty."   
  
"Jupiter would be saddened."   
  
Quiem sighed. "I know. But... I cannot face her again after what I have done. It is very possible that my actions would lead to her eventual death, and I cannot bear to be alive to witness that dreadful event."   
  
"Tell me now! And perhaps it is not yet to late! There may yet to be way to undo what you have done, and you may yet find happiness with Lania."   
  
"I cannot betray my Queen."   
  
Haruka sat and considered this in stunned silence. 'What he says seems to almost imply... that Serenity is hiding something?' "Quiem, I give you my honor that you can trust me, and that I will help you to the best of my ability. Please, tell me what you know."   
  
Getting to response from Quiem, Haruka approached him, and gently nudged his shoulder. Quiem fell over, limp. Haruka gasped and quickly checked the man for breath and pulse, but found none. Quiem had made an agent's last decision and terminated his own life.   
  
***   
  
Haruka went over what little precious information she had gathered from her brief conversation with Quiem yet again. 'From what he said at the bar... skies burning and him starting a war... combined with his actions... I think I understand now. Beryl isn't attacking. At least, not in the immediate future, but Serenity realizes that Beryl will be a threat sooner or later, and wants to seize initiative and attack first. So, she sent Quiem on a phony mission to the Outer Sectors, and ordered him to spread misinformation to us, so that we prepare for war.'   
  
'Yes, that seems to make sense. Quiem, for his part, was a rather conscientious fellow, and could not live with the stress that his lie, even though it was at Serenity's behest, would doom millions of our soldiers to death, and very possibly several of the Senshi. Yet, his loyalty to Serenity prevented him from retracting his statement.'   
  
Haruka then suddenly thought of something else. 'So that's why Serenity was so eager to see Quiem dead. Not only did she have to worry about Quiem possibly revealing *our* surprise attack against Beryl, she also had to make sure Quiem didn't accidentally let loose that she masterminded this whole chain of events.'   
  
Haruka bitterly added that Serenity severely underestimated the loyalty of Quiem.   
  
Then, Haruka suddenly thought of something that she had not for several days. 'This all isn't real. This is just an illusion for my second test!'   
  
With that realization, Haruka laughed, very much relieved. 'The real Queen Serenity would never start a war with a unprovoked pre-emptive attack. This is just a dream! Of course! Here, Serenity might be evil, and Beryl good, for all I know. Let's see... what did they call this test? The Test of Mettle, if I remember correctly. I get it! They're testing me to see if I have the courage to stand up against someone who looks like Serenity.'   
  
Haruka continued thinking with a small smile. 'A person is defined by his or her own actions. I served my Serenity in the real Silver Reign ten thousand years ago because she was a kind ruler and deserved my trust and loyalty. I serve Usagi, the Neo Queen Serenity, because she is kind and cares for her friends and subjects, not hesitating to risk her own life for other's... like she did with Hotaru.'   
  
'But this Queen Serenity... she may be totally different all together.'   
  
'Wait... I'm getting ahead of myself. The pre-emptive strike is only my theory; it may not be correct. Perhaps I am mis-understanding the hints that I have gleamed, or perhaps Quiem is a spy for Beryl after all, and gave me that information to sow dissension.'   
  
'Neither possibility can be ruled out. However, I do know now, that I have to start viewing everything with an open mind--I cannot afford to make wrong decisions based on incorrect biases. After all, this is a test, and my passing depends on it.'   
  
--End Chapter 11-- 


	12. The Test of Mettle, Part II

  
  
-+- Standard Disclaimer -+-   
  
The characters depicted in this story are not mine. Sue me and you get nada, cuz that's how much I own. Blah.   
  
-+- End of Disclaimer -+-   
  
Unlikely Companions   
  
A fiction novella by Dave Zhang (dzhang@its.caltech.edu). Comments and criticisms welcomed. Copyright 2003.  
  
  
[This text is in English.] "This text is spoken." 'This text is thought.' =This text is telepathic.=   
Chapter 12: The Test of Mettle, Part II   
  
Haruka was on course to the Outer Sectors, where Beryl reigned. She decided it was best to see for herself whether Beryl really had been amassing troops and fleets for an attack--that would sway her opinion of matters substantially.   
  
She was napping while her vessel was on auto-pilot when alarms woke her. On the main screen, Haruka saw Beryl's flagship and about a dozen battle-cruisers heading straight to her. Realizing that she was definitely outgunned, and doubting that she would be able to escape under the collective fire of all those ships, Haruka sighed and decided that she would have to put up with being a prisoner for a while.   
  
A communications hail from the flagship arrived, and Haruka answered it. She found Beryl at the other end of the connection smiling benigning at her, with no trace of the darkness that infested Beryl when she served (will serve?) Metallia. "Greeting, Princess Uranus!"   
  
"Greetings, Princess Beryl."   
  
"That's Queen!" shouted one of Beryl's bodyguards, but she gently signalled for the man to stand down. "Uh-uh, not yet. Not for another two years."   
  
Haruka froze. "Queen? Two years? You're rebelling!?"   
  
Beryl gasped, and held her hand to her mouth. After taking a moment to recollect her calm, she spoke to Haruka again. "Immeda? You don't know? Serenity didn't tell you?" She shook her head gently, and muttered to herself, "Not telling the civilians quite yet, I can understand... but the Princesses too?"   
  
Haruka heard an elderly man grumbled from offscreen about how he expected Serenity to try something like this. Beryl motioned for him to be silent, before speaking to Haruka again. "Immeda, why don't you come aboard my flagship, and I'll explain everything to you?"   
  
'Funny. The way Beryl put that, it actually sounded like a sincere offer for me to visit her, instead of a threat.' Haruka decided not to tempt the fates though, and nodded in agreement.   
  
***   
  
When Haruka arrived on board Beryl's ship, she found herself surprised to be greeted personally and warmly by Beryl, instead of being handcuffed and led to the cells.   
  
"Immeda!" said Beryl, grasping Haruka's hand. "It's been so long! You never come to visit! I guess that's partly my fault too, since I'm usually all wrapped up in work, with the astral mining and terraforming and whatnot. But still! You could at least come by a couple time a decade! It's been, what? Thirty-seven years now? And last time was on business, so we didn't have much time for catching up."   
  
Haruka wondered to herself is Beryl had really been this friendly in the Silver Milleneum, before she responded, somewhat coolly, "You could have joined us at the Moon Balls if you wanted to socialize."   
  
Beryl looked at Haruka, at bit stunned, before releasing Haruka's hand and taking a step back. Facing down, she replied in the barest of whispers. "I never knew you had those... I've... I've never been invited."   
  
Haruka was about to cry out "You're kidding!" but the saddened look in Beryl's eyes told Haruka her sincerity. "I'm sorry... I didn't realize. The rest of the Princesses and I just assumed you were always busy." Feigning cheerfulness, Haruka continued, "I'll be sure to let Serenity know to invite you in the future!"   
  
One of Beryl's bodyguards grumbled, "She can do that for all two years she has left in power."   
  
Haruka raised an eyebrow at this, but it did not give her the same level of shock as when she had heard it earlier. "Could you tell me what that in about, Beryl?"   
  
"You really don't know? I'm sorry, I don't mean to doubt you, but I thought Serenity wouldn't have kept this a secret from her nieces. Should I tell you from the beginning then? Come with me to the lounge," said Beryl, waving off some of her retinue. "I'll tell you over some snacks. Any preferences? Make yourself at home."   
  
***   
  
"So, undoubtedly you know that you and the other Senshi are all sisters, some full and some half, and that your common mother is Harmony. Aunt Harmony was the oldest, and had two sisters, Serenity and my mother Amity. So that makes Serenity is our common aunt, and I am your cousin. I guess the story really starts about eleven hundred years ago, when our mothers and Serenity, and our grand-mother, battled against the evil forces of Yindar."   
  
"As to how exacly the empire of Yindar was evil, I don't think anyone really knows with certainty anymore. Most likely there was a strong abusive slavery practices, abundant corruption, and just about everything else you can think of in a regime gone wrong. The details of the battles you can find in our libraries, so I won't bore you with those details. In any case, aunt Harmony died in battle before the war was won, while you and your sisters were all still young. My mother Amity and aunt Serenity eventually rallied enough support and commanded enough tactics to win the war and permanently banish the threat from the Yindar empire, and set up the current benign reign known as the Silver Reign. My mother was the elder sister, and was the high commander of our forces during the war, so it was decided between the sisters that she would reign as Queen."   
  
"She reigned for about a hundred years before giving birth to me. Unfortunately, one of my mother's enemies, possibly a remant of the Yindar, masqueraded as a mid-wife and attacked my mother. The palaces guards quickly found out and killed the attacker, but my mother had been fatally wounded, and died not long after giving birth to me."   
  
"I was obviously too young at the time to inherit the throne, so Grandmother decided that aunt Serenity should reign until I grew older and acquired education and experience. Aunt Serenity agreed, and she formally signed a contract declaring that rule of the Moon Kingdom will revert to me after nine hundred years. The deadline, as you can gather, is in two years."   
  
Haruka was shocked beyond words. Certainly, she had known that the Inner Senshi were her sisters during their Silver Milleneum life, but she certainly did not know that they were cousins of Princess Serenity, as well as cousins with Princess Beryl! Not to mention the even more unbelievable relevation that Beryl was rightfully reclaiming her throne! "Could you..."   
  
Beryl nodded in understanding. "Of course. I wouldn't ask you to just take my word on a matter of such severity."   
  
***   
  
Beryl provided all the necessary evidence. Holorecordings of the Serenity's vows, with several as witnesses. Documents authenticated with Serenity's own mitochondrial DNA code and lymphocyte amino acid sequencings. Beryl's crown that bore the symbols of Harmony, Amity, and Serenity.   
  
Haruka knew what could possibly be fabricated from that which is beyond a doubt genuine, and she was convinced everything she saw of as of the latter. 'I see... so Mara and Pansom are indeed playing this game with me. Well, so be it. I will stand on the side of right, even if that means going against the woman to whom I normally owe my loyalty. It is, after all, but a test.'   
  
"Beryl... there is something very important that I need to tell you."   
  
"Yes?"   
  
Haruka went on, and described how Serenity used her right-hand man Quiem to spread rumors of a supposed ambush by Beryl, and how Serenity and the other Senshi were mobilizing fleets and armies discreetly as they speak.   
  
"You... Immeda... you're betraying your Queen for me?"   
  
"No, though one day you may have my trust and loyalty. Right now the reason for my actions is because I refuse to serve under someone who would renege on her own word and try to ambush her own niece and the rightful Queen. I'm turning against Serenity because my conscience dictates so. Call me an idealist." Haruka mentally added, 'I don't know why Quiem was so steadfastly loyal, but I swear I'll never be blindly loyal to anyone again.   
  
Beryl smiled. "When this all is over, I'm inviting all of you to a ball of my own!"   
  
***   
  
Despite what Haruka said, Beryl still tried to settle matters peacefully with Serenity. It was not so: shortly after that episode, Serenity and the Moon Kingdom opened fire on Beryl's flagship as Beryl tried to peacefully land on the Moon and prepare for the Ascension ceremony. Thanks to Haruka's warning and constant advising and protection from the shadows, Beryl was able to retreat to the Outer Sectors without harm, but many of her escort battle-cruisers were not to fortunate.   
  
Immediately upon returning, Beryl and Haruka made plans for war, but they were already at a hefty disadvantage in terms of units. Fortunately for Beryl and Haruka, the Outer Sectors were decentralized because of their vast expanses, and while Beryl did lose many strongholds in the first year of battle, Haruka's superior combat ability eventually showed its strength, and Beryl's forces began pushing Serenity's back. All this time, Serenity still was looking for her Senshi of Uranus, wondering what had befallen her, and not knowing that Haruka now voluntarily served Serenity's enemy.   
  
One and a half years after the official start of hostilities, Earth and the Moon were all that remained in Serenity's control, Mercury and Venus having been conquered when they were on the opposite side of the Sun from Earth, and thus too far away to effectively reinforce from the Moon.   
  
***   
  
"Beryl-chan," said Haruka.   
  
"That's Queen!" shouted Beryl's ever-irate bodyguard.   
  
"It's Beryl-chan to her," said Beryl cheerfully. "As my most trusted advisor you've earned at privelege, Imme-chan. What do you wish to talk about?"   
  
"We are going to invade the Moon soon. I have a request."   
  
"Go ahead. Anything that's reasonable I'll allow."   
  
Haruka nodded. "You are most kind, that I know from your treatment of the other planets we have conquered. I am most pleased, I must admit--even the best commanders cannot prevent some of his troops from plundering right after a victory, but you inspire such confidence and respect in ours that they did not."   
  
"My people or Serenity's... they're still people. There's no reason a war fought over purely political ends should hurt the people any more than necessary. What was your request?"   
  
"The Senshi... my sisters. I know they have been fighting vehemently against us, and even killed several of our more important generals. By any standard code of law they should be executed for war crimes. But..."   
  
"I understand," said Beryl without needing for Haruka to finish. "They are ignorant of the circumstances, and fight us under a misconception. For your sake... when the time comes, I will grant them a pardon. But, in memory of the valiant warriors who perished by their hands... I'm afraid I cannot allow them to retain their positions as Princesses of their respective planets. Maybe some years after, when memories of the war have faded from the minds of most, we can appoint them into nobility again."   
  
"Allowing them to live is already more than kind. I thank you, my Queen."   
  
"Call me Beryl-chan, Imme-chan. You are my cousin and friend--I cannot bear to think of you as a subordinate. From this day until forever, we are friends... and equals."   
  
***   
  
Haruka stepped off the dropship in Senshi uniform. Most of the sectors of the Moon had been conquered now, all that remained was the palace. She didn't come to fight. She came, because she was troubled by a particularly bad possibility.   
  
Lasers and plasma bolts continued to be exchanged before her, but Haruka ignored them, knowing them to be insufficient to hurt her, and continued toward the palace.   
  
"Immeda!" Haruka turned and saw someone she hadn't for a very long time, and missed dearly. Cephio, Princess of Neptune.   
  
The events that occured in the next few seconds seemed to happen in slow motion. Haruka turned and saw the battle-worn form of Cephio, relieved beyond words to see her favorite sister again. Then Cephios eyes suddenly went wide, and she dove straight into Haruka.   
  
Haruka was too stunned to get out of the way, and was shoved some distance away by Cephio. Then a powerful plasma bolt fizzed out, and hit Cephio squarely in the chest. Normally, the Senshi battle armor would have certainly absorbed the full damage, and Cephio would have been unharmed, except hers had already been worn to the point of ineffectuality from prolonged battles. Haruka saw the bolt scorch a substantially large chunk of Cephio chest, and then Cephio fell forward, dead.   
  
Haruka snapped her head around to see who dared attack her favorite sister, and immediately saw the attacker--her own bodyguard assigned by Beryl to protect her. Haruka's intellectual mind realized immediately that the man had interpretted Cephio as trying to attack Haruka, and promptly fulfilled his duty as bodyguard. That would explain why that plasma bolt was so powerful; Beryl highly valued Haruka's life, and so Haruka's bodyguard was the fastest draw and best shot in all of the Outer Sectors, and carried a sidearm not normally allowed for even military.   
  
It wasn't the man's fault, really. But Haruka, in her grief of seeing her favorite sister die, had no time to control her rage, and struck out immediately to the uniformed man, and jabbed her fingers straight through the surprised man's throat, killing him instantly.   
  
Unfortunately for her, one of Beryl's artillery division, whose commander's rank was only a lowly major, not realizing Haruka to be Beryl's most trusted advisor, and seeing Haruka (similarly dressed as the enemy) killing a highly-ranked member of Beryl's forces, opened fire on her in retaliation.   
  
Haruka, for her part, was hypnotized by the man's dying word... "Why?" As a Senshi, Haruka had often killed before for Serenity, so it was not the act of killing that stopped her cold. Rather, it was killing someone who trusted her, and would have used his life to exchange hers, that shocked her. It was something that made even Haruka sick to the stomach, and she never wanted to do it again. It made her feel like Serenity, who ordered the death of Quiem. And instantly she wanted to die. Because of her, Cephio was dead, and then she had killed with her bare hands her own loyal bodyguard.   
  
She sensed the artillery shell approach. She smiled, and did not dodge.   
  
From the palace, Serenity saw Cephio and Immeda die. Since Immeda disappearance, Serenity had always the sneaking suspicion that perhaps she was betrayed by the Princess of Uranus. Now, seeing this turn of events, she had no doubt that Immeda had her own reasons for not appearing, and had been, to the end, steadfastly loyal. Immeda would be reincarnated with her daughter as well.   
  
***   
  
Haruka felt a warm tingling, and then felt herself rise. She opened her eyes, and saw herself to be translucent, and the blacked remains of her real body some ten feet down.   
  
'So, I'm to be a spirit and watch out the rest of the events?' Haruka was actually happy with that arrangement. Unlike when she died in the modern day, her spirit here maintained focus, and was aware of its surroundings.   
  
She then suddenly saw from her peripheral vision that the Moon Palace had begun to glow with a silver light.   
  
"No... No!" screamed out Haruka, except no one could hear her incorporeal self. "Serenity couldn't have... she wouldn't!"   
  
Haruka flew at top speed toward the source of the glow from the palace, and saw Serenity sitting on her throne, and the Senshi of Saturn standing beside her. In Serenity's hand was the Silver Imperium Crystal, and in the Princess of Saturn's was the Silence Glaive.   
  
Already, Serenity was starting to release the power from the crystal and channeling it into the glaive.   
  
"It couldn't be!" cried Haruka in desperation. "The planets are fine! The people are a bit worn, but happy! Beryl-chan is just! Don't do this, Serenity!"   
  
Not hearing her, the crystal finished discharging all its power into the glaive, leaving behind only a grayish rock. The Princess of Saturn tightly gripped her glaive, and raised it above her head. She looked to Serenity for a final confirmation, which Serenity gave with a single, determined nod, and then brought catastrophe down upon the world.   
  
***   
  
As the world whited out, Haruka continued crying out desperately, "How could you, Serenity!? For being ousted out of power, you would try to destroy our corner of the galaxy!? To prevent Beryl from being a kind ruler that she should have been, you would set all of mankind back more than ten-thousand years!? To win a failing war that you brought down upon yourself, you'd banish your niece into the darkness!?"   
  
Haruka's monologue was cut off by the appearance of her demoness host, Mara. "Congratulations, Haruka, you have passed your second test, the Test of Mettle."   
  
Haruka was snapped out of her reverie. "Oh right, that was only a test." She sighed in relief. "Right. Beryl's really an evil woman who tried to resurrect Metallia, and not the kind Beryl-chan I knew here. Serenity was really a just ruler and not the viper she was here. It was all just a test. It wasn't real."   
  
Mara smirked. "If it was real, would you have chosen differently?"   
  
"Huh?" Haruka then hesitated to ponder Mara's question. "No, I would have done the same. A person's virtue is determined by her actions and not her reputation. I think I see the point of this test now... I have learned my lesson from this. From now on, I won't let myself be blindly biased again, as I was with Yuu."   
  
Mara smiled cheerfully at Haruka as Haruka continued. "Wow, that was quite a long test... two years. Boy, you guys can really do simulations; towards the end I was completely convinced that everything was completely real."   
  
"Who told you it wasn't?"   
  
Haruka froze. "What?"   
  
"Simulation is reality and reality is simulation. Like you said, the value of a person is determined by her actions, and you have already said that even if it had been real, you would have done the same. So, in a way, it *was* real."   
  
"But... but was it really real? Was that really what happened ten thousand years ago, or was it merely a could-have-been? Tell me! I need to know!"   
  
Mara smirked deviously. "I'll let you find that out on your own when you get back to Juuban. Get a good night's rest; tomorrow we start your third test."   
  
Haruka's mind continued to be active long after Mara left. The more she thought about it, the more likely it was that everything was real. She hated it.   
  
Earth. The only planet to contain life after the Silver Milleneum--the reason for that was something Haruka had always wondered about. Now she knew. She remembered that Earth had been working with some experimental cryostasis systems, and it must have been the men and women who were sealed away in those that survived the Fall, and rebuilt Earth. That also explained what even the Beryl-controlled Outer Sectors had become devoid of any life. It was all because of Queen Serenity. Serenity would destroy all her subjects, if they did not serve her.   
  
'Serenity,' Haruka decided with finality, 'was vile.'   
  
Though, in one corner of her mind, a ray of hope shone. If even the Silence Glaive empowered by the Silver Imperium Crystal could not kill Beryl, then it was very likely the Inners would also have not. From what Haruka's heard from the Inners, it seems Beryl was a ruthless witch--but that's also what Queen Serenity would have her believe of the Beryl Haruka spent the last two years with. Perhaps, just perhaps... Haruka can be reunited with her good friend Beryl-chan when this all was over.   
  
--End Chapter 12--   
  
// Most of you probably think I either pulled the plot of this chapter out of my ass or from some soap opera. It's actually taken from the history of the Chinese Sung Dynasty. The throne was passed from the dying king to his brother because his son was too young. The brother, of course, refused to return it. In history it didn't quite make civil war, though it was pretty close, and several famous military leaders did switch sides.   
  
// I don't know. I was never happy was the explanation the canon series gave. If Serenity *was* good, then how could all life have been wiped out other than on Earth? Surely Beryl, even if she was evil, is wiser than to kill off the entire populations of the planets! The only logical conclusion is that Queen Serenity wasn't quite as benign as the series made her out to be, and the very best that one could view her as, in light of the evidence, is that she was very political, and would destroy her enemy's populace just to indirectly hurt her enemy. Kind of like Sherman's March to the Sea. There's a reason Sherman never ran for President, even though most war heroes do. 


	13. The Test of Empathy, Part I

  
  
-+- Standard Disclaimer -+-   
  
The characters depicted in this story are not mine. Sue me and you get nada, cuz that's how much I own. Blah.   
  
-+- End of Disclaimer -+-   
  
Unlikely Companions   
  
A fiction novella by Dave Zhang (dzhang@its.caltech.edu). Comments and criticisms welcomed. Copyright 2003.  
  
  
[This text is in English.] "This text is spoken." 'This text is thought.' =This text is telepathic.=   
Chapter 13: The Test of Empathy, Part I   
  
"Congratulations again, Haruka. You have now completed the second of the seven tests, the Test of Mettle. Today, we begin the Third Test, the Test of Empathy. Before we begin, we wanted you to know that of the few who made it past the first round, 42% of our Contestants make it this far. Actually, the test you just completed was the easiest of the seven. Again, you can choose to leave by yourself any time you want."   
  
"I guess it makes sense that about half of the people would pick the side of virtue," commented Haruka.   
  
"Actually, no. Passing the test merely requires you to make a decision," said Pansom. "I think you rather misinterpretted the point of the test. We are not here to judge whether loyalty should be placed above virtue, or vice versa. If you had supported Serenity in the name of loyalty, you would have also passed the test. The key point is that there are times when you are caught in situations where the choice will be very difficult, but you still need to have the courage to pick one and stick it out. The people who fail that test are the ones who can't bear to make a difficult decision, and thus demand to be removed from that scene."   
  
"Oh." Haruka suddenly started wondering what would have happened if she stayed on Serenity's side, and fought against Beryl. Most likely Beryl would have been captured on her first trip to the Moon, and then the Outer sectors would crumble due to lack of leadership. Or, if somehow Beryl did manage to escape, it was very unlikely that Beryl would have ended up winning without Haruka's support and extensive insider's knowledge of the Moon Kingdom military.   
  
The more she thought about it, the more Haruka was convinced she had been taken back in time, and performed her role exactly as she did ten thousand years ago.   
  
Haruka's thoughts were cut off as she felt the familiar tingling of a teleportation spell having its effect on her.   
  
***   
  
Haruka felt different, somehow, but she could not pinpoint what it was. She was still a girl, that much she was sure of. But what was different? Then, suddenly spotting one of the bangs that covered over her eyes, she realized that she now had red hair.   
  
Suddenly a flood of memories deluged her active mind, and filled her with the experiences of having lived a life that Haruka never did. Haruka, as far as she could tell now, was in the place of a fifteen-year-old girl named Miki Koishikawa, whose life was the epitome of normal. She had a female best friend, she went through a painful puppy love with one of her male friends, she played tennis, and life was good. Her parents were a bit out of it, and their tendency to buy useless things made it so that their finances weren't that great, but it was obvious to Haruka that her new parents loved her, or rather Miki, very much.   
  
"Miki?" called out her mother, Rumi, from the living room.   
  
"Coming!" Her new memory told Haruka that her parents just came back from a vacation to Hawaii, and that meant presents! Her mind danced in celebration at that thought. Haruka suddenly stopped, as she considered thing. 'What's going on? I don't normally care about material presents that much. It must be this test--they've ingrained parts of this girl's personality into me. The Test of Empathy... they want to see how well I can cope with being a normal girl, instead of a Senshi with powers. I wonder if this is still my world? Maybe they want me to feel what it's like being a civilian and watching the Senshi fight monsters.'   
  
Haruka checked her memories, but there didn't seem to be any monster attacks that Miki had been aware of, ever. 'But then again, we've only been Senshi in reality for a few years. Maybe it hasn't started yet.'   
  
"Miki?"   
  
"Coming!" restated Haruka as she made a mental note to do some research on Senshi later.   
  
Haruka found her parents sitting side-by-side on the couch, smiling cheerfully at her. Her father began, "Miki, don't be surprised, but we'd like you to listen..."   
  
'Drat! No presents...'   
  
Her mothered continued. "We're... getting divorced."   
  
***   
  
Haruka found herself ranting about the day's relevations over the phone to her friend Meiko.   
  
'It must be Miki's compulsion that's doing this,' thought Haruka idly while chattering away. 'I wonder if I'm really in control here?'   
  
She decided to test, and suddenly pulled the plug out of the phone, disconnecting it while Meiko was in mid-sentence. That convinced her. Miki would never do something like that to her best friend. She reconnected the phone line.   
  
The phone rang again, and Haruka quickly picked it up, apologizing to Meiko about her phone suddenly disconnecting.   
  
When she and Meiko finally finished talking, Haruka lay back on her bed and started to think again. 'This can't be normal... there's no way that parents divorcing to swap partners with another couple they met in Hawaii can be normal. But then again, I guess any life has its share of weirdness, so if it wasn't this, it might be a pyromaniac older brother or a lecherous uncle or something. Maybe this isn't so abnormal, anyway.'   
  
"Argh! I've been WAY too introspective since these damn tests started!"   
  
'Maybe I shouldn't fight it,' thought Haruka. 'I'll just act my compulsions, since they're obviously the real Miki's choices. I'll just sit back and watch the show.'   
  
***   
  
Haruka sat with her parents at an expensive restaurant, and across the table from another couple.   
  
"And this is our daughter Miki," introduced her father Jin.   
  
The woman of the other couple spoke, "Where's Yuu-kun?"   
  
Rumi explained. "Yuu is Youji and Chiyako's son. He's in the same grade level you're in."   
  
Haruka's ears piped up at the mention of Yuu's name, but she said nothing. 'I think I see. During the first test, one of Yuu's fragments mentioned that his parents swapped partners with another family, and another Yuu fragment mentioned a sister. I'm to be his sister, and know him from a sister's point of view.'   
  
A blond and good-looking Yuu, though somewhat younger than Haruka remembered, walked to their table some moments later, saying nonchalantly, "I'm sorry! Was I late?"   
  
After feeling herself a bit flustered by the arrival of Yuu, which Haruka assured herself was because of Miki's influence, Haruka felt the urge to declare loudly her opposition to the arrangement, but then she stopped herself forcibly. 'What's the point? I already know this is going to go through.'   
  
Haruka sighed, and said, "Nice to meet you."   
  
Jin and Rumi nodded, a bit surprised by their daughter's reaction, but they were not ones to question their good luck.   
  
Jin spoke, "Anyway, I love your mother very much still, Miki. It's just... it's become a friendly sort of love, whereas with Chiyako... it's the type of love that makes me feel young and alive again! I think it's the same for your mother and Youji."   
  
Miki nodded stoically. "I'm happy for all four of you."   
  
"You're not opposed to this?" asked Yuu, a bit surprised. "Mom and Dad told me that you were pretty against it."   
  
"What's the use? They're going to do it no matter what, so we should be happy for them." Haruka then thought of something. "Wait, will I be staying with Mama or Papa from now on?"   
  
Rumi spoke to her daughter again, comforting her. "You don't have to worry about anything, Miki. Neither I nor Jin would want to be parted from you. That's why... we're all moving into a big house together, all six of us!"   
  
Haruka was caught off guard and fell out of her chair.   
  
***   
  
Yuu looked at Haruka as they finished moving into their new house. "Hey, it's not normal, but you gotta admit, it's kinda fun when your family suddenly doubles in size. Let's be friends, OK?"   
  
Haruka looked at Yuu's extended hand, and gently shook it. 'After all, I think that's what I'm supposed to do to pass this stupid test. Hm... Yuu really doesn't seem like that bad a guy so far.'   
  
Then she felt something in her palm, and brought it up to her face. 'He handed me something... used gum!?' "Yuu!"   
  
"Hahahaha!" laughed Yuu as he pranced off.   
  
Haruka chased after him. "Get back here you little shit! I'm going to beat your face so hard your mother won't recognize you!"   
  
The four parents sweated profusely as the two children ran by them and out the house.   
  
"This re-marriage thing has sure changed Miki quite a bit," commented Rumi. The others sagely nodded.   
  
***   
  
"Good morning, Meiko!"   
  
"Miki. Did you get through moving okay?"   
  
"Um, sure. It's started at last, my abnormal life..." 'in more ways than one.'   
  
"You still look pretty cheerful though."   
  
"That's because I'm in school! At school, I can escape my abnormal family and my damn annoying step-brother. Here, I can... relax..."   
  
At that point, a schoolbag connects with the back of her head, making Haruka's eyes goggle and pitching her forward. "Ow, what the Hell are you..."   
  
Then Miki recognized her assailant. "Yuu!?"   
  
"It's too tiring to commute to Yokohama, so I transferred. How unfortunate, huh? Even in school, you'll have to deal with your 'damn annoying step-brother.'"   
  
"Oh, I can have fun with this," sneered Haruka evilly as she cracked her knuckles. "Schoolbag to the head, about to be repaid with interest..."   
  
Yuu suddenly felt in danger, and decided to flee, with Haruka hot on his trail.   
  
***   
  
"Good afternoon, everyone! The Broadcast Club brings you the Lunchtime News. Today, we welcome a wonderful guest to the studio. The transfer student whose rapid rise in popularity has made him the talk among the girls in school... Year 1, Class B's Matsuura Yuu-kun!"   
  
Haruka did a spit-take as she heard the above from the TV in the cafeteria. 'What the hell is that little shit doing?'   
  
On the screen, Yuu started speaking. "Thank you, and hello. I'm Matsuura."   
  
Haruka snorted in disgust as several girls in the lunchroom screamed out "Kyaah!" and swooned.   
  
"By the way, Matsuura-kun, you've been coming to school with someone every morning, and, well... It's being gravely rumored..."   
  
"Ahh, you mean Miki."   
  
"Yes! Koishikawa Miki, from the same Year 1, Class B--this is her, right?" A very unflattering picture of Miki was displayed on screen for a moment before the interview scene returned. "What sort of relationship do the two of you have?"   
  
Yuu smiled, and calmly replied. "We're living together."   
  
"Ehhhh?!! Wh-what an explosive line! Then, in other words, you're cohabiting..."   
  
"No, it's nothing like that..."   
  
"You little shit!" roared Haruka as she stormed into the live recording area. "What the Hell rumors are you spreading about us!? I'm so going to beat that bishonen face of yours!"   
  
Haruka then suddenly noticed that the 'Live' sign as still on.   
  
"Uh..." said she as she quickly jumped into the foreground. "It's like this. My parents and his parents are friends, and such being the case, our two families have been living in the same house recently! That's all it is!"   
  
Yuu smirked mischeivously from the background. "Isn't it a bit different?"   
  
"Whatever! If the truth were known to the entire student body, I'd be so embarrassed I couldn't come to school!"   
  
The student interviewer quickly jumped into the foreground and addressed his audience. "As you've heard, it seems that their relationship extends to their families. There is a very close relationship between the two..."   
  
The interviewer found himself interrupted by Haruka's backfist. "You asshole! When I'm done kicking your ass, you won't be able to sit down for the next year!"   
  
"Miki. She's changed," spoke Meiko to Ginta in that unperturbable voice of hers, at the cafeteria.   
  
"Hm... they're being silly."   
  
***   
  
"Ow... you didn't have to punch me that hard."   
  
"You got off easy since I already vented most of my anger on the interviewer."   
  
"It's hard to believe your the daughter of Jin and Rumi. They seem so... peaceful, compared to you."   
  
"Ah, shut up, you little shit."   
  
A cry came from out in the distance. "Hey! Look out!"   
  
"Huh?" Miki turned around and looked up just as a baseball travelled to her, and hit her squarely in the head, knocking her out. Several girls rushed to Miki and then carried her off to the Health Room.   
  
***   
  
"How do you feel?"   
  
"I'm much better now, Meiko." Haruka mentally grumbled. 'Damn, I don't have my Senshi-enchanced strength and reflex anymore. Gotta be more careful in this world.'   
  
"I'll go get your backpack."   
  
"Thanks," said Haruka as she lied back down onto the bed.   
  
"Matsuura-kun!" Haruka's ears perked up a bit as she heard Meiko's voice from the other room.   
  
"How's Miki?"   
  
"She seems much better now. I'm going to go get her clothes and stuff. Do you want to see her?"   
  
'Damn! I don't want to see that little shit again. It's his fault I got sent here in the first place. Still dizzy... don't really want to run around and clobber him again. Ah, I'll just pretend to be asleep.'   
  
Yuu pulled aside the curtain and looked at the supposedly asleep form of Haruka. "Miki? Are you asleep?"   
  
Not getting a response from her, Yuu quickly leaned down and kissed her on the lips, before leaving the room and closing the curtain behind him.   
  
'What the Hell!?' Haruka mentally steeled herself to pretend that she was actually asleep during this kiss episode, and vowed never to bring it up again, though she promised herself to double the next beating that Yuu gets from her.   
  
***   
  
"Ah, we really need a new toaster," lamented Haruka as she looked at her toast, blackened to the point of inedibility on one side and still kind of soggy on the other. "Hey, Yuu. Hand me the apricot jam."   
  
Yuu looked up from the newspaper he was reading, and tossed a bottle to Miki. "Sorry, we're out of that. Have that instead."   
  
Haruka looked at it. "Marmalade? Ugh... I hate that!"   
  
"Don't be so picky."   
  
"But the skins... they're bitter and taste completely nasty..." Haruka then thought of something, and smirked at Yuu. "You know, you're just like this marmalade, Yuu. Marmalade Boy!"   
  
"Huh?"   
  
"Good analogy, if I say so myself. You look sweet to people you don't know you very well, but really you're all bitter and nasty on the inside..."   
  
"Hm... I see." Yuu stood up and ruffled through the panty until he found the bottle he was looking for. "Then, Miki, you're this!" He tossed her the bottle.   
  
"Huh? Tobasco sauce?"   
  
"That's right! People who don't know you well think you're spicy, but you're actually caustic! Tobasco Girl!"   
  
"Tobasco Girl, eh?" A vein throbbed on Haruka forehead. "I guess I'll just have to live up to my namesake then!"   
  
"Uh-oh." Yuu started running.   
  
Haruka suddenly paused in the chase. 'Somehow, unknowingly... I've gotten used to this. When I hit Yuu, it's not like when I thought he was molesting Hotaru. It's friendly now. Yuu and I have become... friends... siblings.'   
  
***   
  
"Miki."   
  
Haruka looked. The boy who now stood before her, she recalled to be Ginta, a boy that Miki had liked during middle school. She was firmly rejected by Ginta, but somehow the two of them remained friends, and often played tennis together. Since Haruka's insertion, however, interaction with Ginta had been sparse, mainly because Haruka's attention was mostly commanded by Yuu. Today, however, the two of them were alone in the classroom after school because of clean-up duty.   
  
"What's up, Ginta?"   
  
"You're eating something?"   
  
"Hm...?" Haruka realized that she was, without realizing it. 'Grape flavored. Tastes pretty good. I wonder if Miki's personality will rub off on my permanently.' Haruka held out a half-full bag of the candy she was chewing on. "Yeah. Do you want one?"   
  
Ginta looked at the bag. "Muscat Kiss. Ahh... The one where Hagiwara Mio does the commercials."   
  
"Yeah, that's right."   
  
"'Taste of a kiss.' I wonder if that's true. Shall we try and see?"   
  
"Huh?" Haruka quickly tried to draw upon Miki's memories to try to determine whether Ginta was serious or not. After a moment's considered, Haruka decided that he was not--Ginta had been proven himself over the years to be prone to jokes, and he had already firmly rejected her a few years ago. This had to be a joke. 'Stupid Ginta, trying to fluster me? Sorry kiddo; might have worked on the real Miki, but I'm no weak-willed girl.' "Okay. Shall we try it?"   
  
Haruka paused for a moment before continuing. "Haha. Just kidding. That kind of joke isn't your style, Ginta."   
  
Haruka quickly lost her smile as Ginta suddenly stood up and approached her. Before she could react, Ginta had already firmly planted his lips on hers.   
  
Haruka violently shoved Ginta to the floor, abruptly breaking off his show of affection. "You bastard! What the Hell are you doing?"   
  
As Ginta got up, Haruka quickly slapped him across the cheek with all of her strength, stinging both Ginta's face and her hand.   
  
"You said it was okay!"   
  
"There's no way something like that could have been okay!" Haruka balled her stinging right hand into a tight fist and punched full-force at Ginta's nose, knocking him out.   
  
***   
  
"Miki? Are you not feeling well?"   
  
"It's okay, Yuu. I just had a bad day."   
  
"We can do this tomorrow if you want."   
  
"I said don't worry about it!"   
  
"Well let's go then and have fun! That's what amusement parks are all about."   
  
At their first stop in the park, a video game arcade, Yuu and Haruka quickly sat down side by side at a Wing-Commander type video game. Haruka cursed constantly as she played. Yuu, right next to her, played calmly and methodically, eliminating wave after wave of enemies.   
  
"Damn!"   
  
From the sounds, Yuu could tell that Haruka's ship was taking substantial damage. He smiled and played on.   
  
"Lame-ass missiles!" Sounds of missiles exploding in the empty air could be heard.   
  
"What the Hell!? Accelerate, you piece of shit engine!" More sounds of rage and damage.   
  
"Argh! I'm dead! Stupid game cheats!"   
  
Yuu continued playing carefully and it was another five minutes or so before he finally got cornered by too many opponents and died as well. Grabbing his score-card, he proudly displayed it to his step-sister. "Ha! I got an 'A', Rank: Captain! Did you get a 'B' at least?"   
  
Haruka grinned deviously and held out her own score-card.   
  
"WHAT!?" Yuu exclaimed. "A++++!? Rank: Fleet High Commander!? How!? You died much earlier than me!"   
  
Haruka's smile grew as she pointed to two of the entries on the card.   
  
"Holy! You started at Level 120, and got to 136 before you died!?" Yuu started on Level 1, and died at Level 43. The total number of enemies he destroyed was about how many Haruka had destroyed on a single level.   
  
"Hah! That'll teach you to think twice before showing off to me!"   
  
***   
  
"Let's go in there... Miracle Illusions. It should be fun."   
  
Haruka shrugged apathetically. "Okay."   
  
'Now that I think about it, Yuu does seem to be a pretty decent guy to have as a brother. He teases me constantly, but at least it does serve to lighten the mood.'   
  
Haruka looked around, and saw reflections of the red-haired female body that she was inhabiting all around her. "Say, this is kinda fun!" She waved her hand, and all the Miki-reflections waved back. She giggled a bit at that, and consequently so did every Miki around her.   
  
"Yuu! Huh? Where are you, Yuu?"   
  
Upon Yuu not responding, Haruka followed the right-hand rule and exited the maze after some five minutes. When she exited the maze, Haruka saw Yuu off in the distance. Haruka called out as she jogged toward him, "Hey, Yuu!"   
  
As she approached though, Haruka saw that Yuu was not alone; a cute blue-haired stood close to Yuu.   
  
"Ah, Miki! Over here!"   
  
Haruka walked toward them, and bowed to the girl. "Hello, I'm Miki. Are you a friend of Yuu's?"   
  
"She was a class-mate during junior high. Suzuki Arimi-san."   
  
A boy waved up to the trio. "Hey, Arimi. You're still here?"   
  
"I'm coming now. I'll see you later, Yuu!"   
  
"Your boyfriend?" asked Haruka.   
  
"Nah, I just dated him a couple times, and only because he insisted. I'm going to dump him soon." Arimi gently caressed Yuu's cheek. "I like you much better. Anyway, gotta go now. I'll call!"   
  
'I remember one of the Yuu personality fragments talking about his girlfriend during the first test... could that have been her? Arimi? She's pretty cute.' "You guys dated?"   
  
Yuu nodded. "When we were in 3rd-year junior high, we went out together. It was only 3 months. We did the usual things."   
  
"I see," commened Haruka. "You two should get back together!" 'Maybe that's my mission for this test.'   
  
// Yeah, yeah. This chapter wasn't that creative; mainly just MB canon stuff. Mainly for reader who didn't have MB background. 


	14. The Test of Empathy, Part II

  
  
-+- Standard Disclaimer -+-   
  
The characters depicted in this story are not mine. Sue me and you get nada, cuz that's how much I own. Blah.   
  
-+- End of Disclaimer -+-   
  
Unlikely Companions   
  
A fiction novella by Dave Zhang (dzhang@its.caltech.edu). Comments and criticisms welcomed. Copyright 2003.  
  
  
[This text is in English.] "This text is spoken." 'This text is thought.' =This text is telepathic.=   
Chapter 14: The Test of Empathy, Part II   
  
Yuu blinked. That wasn't the reaction he expected. "What?"   
  
"I'm serious! You two should get back together! She obviously likes you still, and she's really cute!"   
  
"Um..." said Yuu, not really sure how to respond to that.   
  
"So what did you guys do?"   
  
"You want to know how far we went?"   
  
'Not really, I just want you guys back together so I can get out of this weird reality,' thought Haruka, but she politely did not state what was on her mind.   
  
"We didn't do... Anything."   
  
Haruka elbowed him in the ribs as she grinned devilishly. "Liar! Come on, out with it!"   
  
"It's true. 'Cause my first kiss was with you, Miki."   
  
She froze. She had forgotten about that.   
  
"You were awake that time, weren't you?"   
  
"Why... why did you do such a thing?"   
  
"Why? The devil made me do it!" replied Yuu with a small laugh. "I'm kidding. It's obviously because I like you very much."   
  
Haruka slapped Yuu. It wasn't as hard as she slapped Ginta earlier in the day, but it was still forceful. "Stop kidding around, you little shit! Can't you ever be serious!? You know there's no way in Hell I'll ever like you romantically!"   
  
"Miki," whispered Yuu as Haruka stormed off.   
  
Haruka was very upset. Not so much with the possibility that Yuu was teasing her yet again, but much more so with the ever slight possibility that Yuu was serious. 'Holy shit! Don't tell me *I'm* supposed to be the one ending up as his girlfriend! Please, no! Being his sister, I can tolerate, and I'm actually starting to like. Being his lover? I don't think I can do that! Not now, not ever...'   
  
***   
  
"Mara," said Miki to the open skies from her window. "I know you guys out there are all listening. I just want you all to know that I fucking hate your guts. I'll bet you all are laughing your asses off at my misery."   
  
Yuu's head popped in the window from outside. "Who's Mara? Are you in some type of cult religion?"   
  
"Gah! Pervert!" Haruka reflexively launched a punch to Yuu's mid-section. Unfortunately, since Yuu was delicately balanced on the thin ledge, that knocked him off, and he was sent two floors down to the cement ground.   
  
"Oh shit! Mama! Papa! Call an ambulance!"   
  
***   
  
Haruka stared at the still unconscious figure of Yuu, with large bandages wrapping his head, on his back on a hospital bed.   
  
"Ah, shit. I sure messed up this time. Sorry about that, Yuu. Damn it! Why did you have to go popping up outside my window? It's your fault you know!" Haruka paused. 'This all is starting to sound familiar, even to me.'   
  
"Ah, damn. How come I always end up hurting you? Every single time!"   
  
Haruka looked down at Yuu again. "Shit! What the Hell am I supposed to do!? Is this supposed to happen? What the Hell is the point of this? Mara! I know you're listening. Tell me what the meaning of all this is! Am I here for a purpose?"   
  
She sighed. 'Maybe it's just like the last one. Just survive through it, and then you pass no matter what.' "Get better, Yuu."   
  
Haruka stood up and started walking out the door, when she heard Yuu speak in a quiet voice. "What? No kiss for me when the situation's reversed?"   
  
"Yuu!" shouted Haruka cocking her fist back, before she checked it, realizing that it was her temper that landed Yuu in the hospital in the place. "Are you feeling better?"   
  
"I'll be fine in no time," answered Yuu. His face contorted into a wry smile. "You didn't answer my question though."   
  
"What?"   
  
"I'm asking you to kiss me."   
  
Haruka's heart fluttered for a instant, and part of her desperately wanted to run into Yuu's arms and embrace him. Another part wanted to run away from this scene in disgust. The rest was Haruka being frozen in place. 'After all that...'   
  
"It'll be your punishment for hurting me," contnued Yuu. "Please?"   
  
The addition of guilt to the equation tipped the equilibruim ever so slightly, and Haruka grudgingly allowed herself to walk to Yuu's bed, and gently kissed him on his cheek, formally and without emotion. And then she left the room wordlessly.   
  
***   
  
Yuu recovered after about a week in the hospital, and then he and Haruka's relationship returned to normal. The two would walk to school together, but often enough Yuu would say something expressly to irk Haruka, and Haruka would chase after him screaming insults. Shortly thereafter, Meiko's relationship with Namura-sensei was discovered, and events proceeded as they should. Ginta tried to talk to Haruka several times to apologize, but Haruka never gave him the chance, running away whenever possible. The one time Ginta cornered Haruka at her house, Haruka pounded Ginta into unconsciousness before Ginta could get many words out, and after that, Ginta could only sorrowfully gaze at Haruka with mixed emotions of affection and regret.   
  
After a while, Miwa Satoshi befriended Yuu, and Haruka noticed Yuu spending more and more time with Miwa. As rumors spread, Haruka somewhat sadly considered the possibility that Yuu had 'an alternative lifestyle,' but left it at that. Not much later though, Haruka realized that Satoshi was also bent on trying to hook up with Meiko, and that led Haruka to investigate further the cause for Yuu and Satoshi's sudden friendship.   
  
Quickly she found out that Satoshi's father was Miwa Yoshimitsu, the famous architect, and remembering that Yuu had a long-standing interest in architecture, Haruka put two and two together.   
  
***   
  
'That was Yuu and Satoshi!' Haruka looked up, and saw that the two had entered Miwa Architectural Design Office. 'That's great! Satoshi must be trying to get Yuu a job with his father! With Yuu's talent and Satoshi's recommendation, the job's nailed!'   
  
Haruka decided then that it wouldn't be too bad to follow the duo up to listen in on the interview, so that she could be the first one to congratulate Yuu when he left that office.   
  
"I'm not your father, Matsuura-kun. Chiyako-san and I didn't have that sort of relationship. I'm sorry, but... I am not the solution in the search for your father."   
  
Haruka's eyes widened in shock as she listened on, to Satoshi and Yuu's evidence for suspecting Miwa Yoshimitsu to be Yuu's father, followed by Miwa's revelation that he was rejected when he propositioned Chiyako for an affair.   
  
'So that's what it was... How stupid of me! To think that Yuu and Satoshi would spend so much time together just because of a common interest in architecture. They both must have suspected for quite a while now that perhaps they were half-brothers. That's why they were so close! But... they were wrong.'   
  
'That explains why Yuu is bitter, and never reveals the true him to anyone... Having found out that his father isn't his real father, and that he was the bastard child of another man from one of his mother's affairs... that would tend to leave him wary of trusting anyone.'   
  
The door opened, and the two students walked out. "Miki! What are you doing here!?"   
  
"Yuu... I thought you were having a job interview, so I was waiting here to congratulate you when you came out." Haruka didn't sound cheerful, and she was sure that Yuu had picked it up.   
  
"You heard?"   
  
Haruka nodded. "Yuu..."   
  
"Satoshi-san... please escort Miki home. I've suddenly got the urge to see the ocean." Without waiting for either of their responses, Yuu jogged off.   
  
***   
  
"Yuu."   
  
Yuu ignored her, and continued staring out into the ocean.   
  
"Yuu, let's go home now."   
  
Yuu sighed, and closed his eyes, but other the position of his head was unchanged.   
  
"You've been like this for an hour already."   
  
He finally responded. "That's why I told you to go home ahead of me."   
  
"The wind's getting chilly. You'll catch a cold. Let's go home, okay?"   
  
"Come to think of it, it is a bit cold."   
  
Haruka wasn't sure whether Yuu was speaking of the weather, or life in general. "You have a family to warm you up. Chiyako-san and Youji-san. Mama and Papa. And there's me. We're not related by blood, but still. We're close."   
  
"I really thought he was the one. To think, that Miwa Yoshimitsu wasn't really my father. What has my life been for then? Why have I studied architecture? I'm an idiot."   
  
"Don't be like that! You have family. We all love you."   
  
Yuu looked up at his step-sister wistfully. "I love you."   
  
***   
  
The world whited out again, and Haruka found herself face-to-face the with demon game show host. "Hello again, Haruka. Now it's time for the culmination of your Third Test."   
  
"Culmination?"   
  
Pansom nodded. "All of the experience you acquired in that world was to prepare you, so that you can answer this question: Why does Yuu love you?"   
  
"That's the Third Test? Too easy. Yuu loves me for the same reason Ginta loves me--I'm different, and not interested. People always view the grass as being greener on the other side. Yuu was attractive and popular and could have any girl in school he wanted, or even Arimi, who was much more attractive than me. He decided to chase after me because I was inaccessible. Same thing with Ginta. He rejected me in junior high, but then got interested again because Yuu was interested, and then he became even more interested when I showed that I wasn't anymore."   
  
Pansom shook his head sadly. "I'm sorry, that's incorrect. You have failed your Third test."   
  
"What!? What do you mean?" demanded Haruka. "What was the correct answer then?"   
  
"Viewers, call in now to vote whether the correct answer should be revealed to Haruka."   
  
After waiting a moment, Pansom continued. "It was voted 73% Yes, so we will oblige you."   
  
"The correct answer is that Yuu didn't, at least not romantically. Incidentally, you would have also had to explain why not, and that is no easy question in itself to answer. Back to the point, Yuu should have been in love with you romantically at this point, but your muddling of actions resulted in an alternate outcome."   
  
"What do you mean, muddling of actions?" shouted an indignant Haruka.   
  
"As you gathered during your life in this world, you inhabited and controled the body of Miki Koishikawa, who was Yuu's girlfriend from his timeline. Before analyzing what exactly you did wrong, let's show you what actually happened with Miki, to the Yuu that you're here for."   
  
The world phased back into the Marmalade Boy World, to the point where Miki was first informed of the divorce. Haruka now watched as an invisible observer. Mara fast-forwarded a bit, and returned speed to normal at the restaurant scene, where Miki first met Yuu. This continued on, with Mara fast-forwarding sections, and showing Haruka particular scenes where her actions and Miki's diverged substantially. Finally, Haruka watched the beach scene, how it should have been.   
  
***   
  
"So that little shit really just wanted a girl who would swoon over him like all the others do," grumbled Haruka. "Why the hell did he say he loved me at the end then?"   
  
"You mis-understood him. His statement was a declaration that he now saw you as a sister, and he would love you as he loved his parents and yours, as a family-member. Which isn't very much, incidentally. I think it's pretty understandable that his life experiences made family ties weak on him."   
  
"But what about the real Miki? He fell in love with her romantically? And valued her over his mother?"   
  
"Yes. The reasons are not why you think. As Arimi demonstrated, Yuu isn't particularly impressed with girls just because they have high interest in him, nor because of their physical beauty. Nor, is his uninterest in you because of the accident. The main reason, we believe, is his perception of your personality. There are three main demonstrations:"   
  
"First, is the issue of your early acceptance of the marriage swap. Like Yuu told the real Miki, he wasn't entirely happy about it either, but didn't really have the courage to challenge it. The real Miki did, and Yuu admired her for that. You, acting on knowledge that you were not supposed to have, went along with the scheme too easily, and Yuu saw you as another one of the crowd, who's opinion was easily swayed, and spent most of her life trying to please others."   
  
"Second, is your handling of the Meiko and Namura situation. The real Miki was crushed when she found out that her best friend Meiko had been keeping secrets from her, especially one as large as her covert dating of Namura. That earned a lot of empathy from Yuu. You, however, never trusted Meiko completely. In so, you were correct, as she did not trust Miki completely, but that inability to trust someone completely further alienated you from Yuu."   
  
"Finally, is your handling of the situation with Miwa Yoshimitsu. It was mainly due to ill-luck, but nevertheless, Yuu emerged from Miwa's office, crushed, and then saw you who had been listening secretly to the whole thing. Any shreds of trust he had left in you were completely shattered. On the other hand, Miki accompanied him in public as a supportive friend from the start, and with Miwa relevation, was on hand to provide comfort when the shock came."   
  
Haruka considered all this, and replied. "I see... so the fact that I beat him up constantly instead of getting flustered when he teased me didn't matter at all?"   
  
"That actually helped you, we think. While the real Miki was somewhat acerbic, she was a big softy compared to you. Hence she was 'Mustard Girl,' while you got upgraded to 'Tobasco Girl.' Yuu tends to be soft on the outside, making easy acquaintance with everyone, but hard on the inside, having few if any close friends. You tend to be tough on the outside, so that many acquaintances are afraid or dislike you, but of those who get along with you, you can form bonds of true friendship with much easier. Miki is very much like a slightly toned down version of you. Most of the viewers actually think you and Yuu are a perfect couple because of the complementary personalities, and had high hopes for you for that test. But, like I said, badly used knowledge and a couple unlucky coincidences ruined that."   
  
"Anyway, now we have to determine your punishment. Viewers, please call in to vote now."   
  
***   
  
"The results are in. The top contenders are: Becoming permanently asexual, with 22% votes. Ten year indentured servitude to the Lust Department of Hell, 17%. Echo Love Curse, 14%. And Soul Link with Yuu, 14%. Normally you're only allowed to pick among the top three, but since there was a tie for third place to within one percent, you're allowed to pick any of the four."   
  
"Hm... Does asexual mean what I think it means?"   
  
"Worse. It means what you think it means, for eternity, following your through any number of reincarnations. Though I should note that it's only the physical aspect, not the emotional."   
  
Haruka shuddered and decided she was definitely not picking that. 'Second option doesn't seem that bad... Working there might be pretty embarrassing or uncomfortable, but it's for a limited time, right?' "What type of work would I do for the second option?"   
  
"Oh, you'd probably be physically transformed into a hideous she-beast, and torture the men condemned to that level of Hell by fornicating with them."   
  
Haruka gulped. Ten years of that couldn't be pleasant. And forget that part about no lasting damage--Haruka was sure she'd lose her sanity after those ten years. "What about the third option? What's the Echo Love Curse?"   
  
"Ah, it's the one named after the Greek myth of Echo and Narcissus. Echo Love Curse basically means that no one you love will ever return feelings for you. And then a few hundred years ago, some bored Diety *cough* Eros *cough* decided he'd make it a pun, so that your curse will also echo to people you contact often. In order words, you doom yourself and all your friends to unrequited love forever."   
  
Haruka tried to decide whether that was better or worse than the first option. To have loved and been rejected or to have never loved at all? Neither sounded very pleasant.   
  
"What about the last?" 'It's probably something like an eternal love contract for Yuu or something. Ugh... I'm not sure if I like Yuu that much, but it's gotta be better than all of the above.'   
  
"Oh, that one is *interesting*!"   
  
Haruka cringed as Pansom continued. "Your mind and Yuu's will be permanently linked, so tightly that both must occupy the same body. It'll be like having his voice always in your head, except he also gets some control of your body's actions. Since your mind will still go with your body, you can leave with Yuu's soul right afterward."   
  
Haruka gulped.   
  
"So, what's your decision, Haruka?"   
  
"Are you sure I can't just take two extra Tests?"   
  
"Nope, Sorry."   
  
Haruka considered this. She *really* didn't like any of the options. "Can I request a re-vote, with consideration of additional punishments that I propose?"   
  
"I guess we could allow that. Keep in mind though that it'll have to be really interesting if you want it to have any chance of being in the top three. And I'm pretty certain that two extra Tests wouldn't qualify as that."   
  
"Um..." Haruka racked her brain to come up with something. The longer she delayed, the less the chances of acceptance of her substitute. "How about general unluckiness? You can make me the most unlucky person who ever lived after I finish the rest of the tests. My bread can also land butter-side down and stuff like that."   
  
A devious wry smile crept up into Pansom's face. "Ooh, that has potential. Viewers, please vote again for Haruka's punishment for failing the Test of Empathy."   
  
Haruka prayed to every diety she could think of to accept her suggestion. She really didn't want to be caught with one of the four earlier punishments.   
  
"Looks like we have a deal, Haruka. An overwhelming 68% of our viewers have supported your idea. Life will sure be... *ahem* fun, when you get back."   
  
Haruka mentally thanked every diety she prayed to, and vowed to not take the next test lightly.   
  
--End Chapter 14-- 


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